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• The Most Romantic Gestures

The Most Romantic Gestures

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 02 July | 15:52

After you have been in a relationship for a period of time you become comfortable with one another and the little things you used to do for one another go out of the window.

Whatever you do, don’t let the spark die. It is easy to keep alive. All you have to do to show them you care is a little romantic gesture here and there.

Stuck for ideas? Never fear! Sky Dating is on hand with the best romantic gestures that will put a huge smile on their face and put you in their good books!

So check out the gallery below and make a note. Any of these gestures will go down a treat with your special someone...

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• Sure-fire ways to pick up women!

Sure-fire ways to pick up women!

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 02 July | 12:07

If you want to pick up women then my first piece of advice guys is to ignore your bloke mates. Their suggestions will be a load of rubbish. When they tell you they told one fit ass chick to get her coat coz she had pulled I can guarantee they are making it up. Blokes brag. Have you watched the Inbetweeners? Well one of the characters, Jay, constantly brags to his mates about all the women he has pulled – teenage girls, mums, grannies even. In reality Jay has the same luck with women as Katie Price has trying to do a Sudoku puzzle. Not a chance in hell!

So below is my definitive list of how to strike it lucky with the ladies. No frills, just the gods honest truth.

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• Becoming older parents

Becoming older parents

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 29 June | 09:30

A pregnant woman over 40 still has the power to raise eyebrows – even if she’s Nicole Kidman or Halle Berry, both of whom gave birth for the first time at age 41.

But older mums are no longer unusual, thanks to medical advances and gradually changing attitudes.

The past decade has seen a 50% increase in the number of new mums over 40*, and it’s a proud club to belong to. Various studies have found that first-time mums over 40 are better educated and, perhaps inevitably, more established in their careers.

Older mums also tend to report having stronger relationships. This may be because they’ve put off getting pregnant until they meet the “right” partner.

Even so, having children puts a strain on any relationship. You may have met the right person, but the transition from couplehood to parenthood is still a relationship-jolting shock – especially if you’ve spent years growing used to footloose, child-free adulthood.

Here are some tips on keeping your wits about you and your relationship alive  when baby makes three.

(*Office for National Statistics)


What to do


* DO remember that you’re still partners, not just parents

When you’re overwhelmed by all-consuming devotion to your new baby, something’s got to give – but don’t let it be the relationship that you’ve waited so many years to find.

You may be in your 40s or older, but you still owe it to yourselves (and your child) to enjoy your love life. Designate an evening each week as a “date night”. Hire a babysitter and go out for dinner or a film. It gives you both something to look forward to, and it will help keep your romance alive.


* DO meet other older parents

If new parenthood can feel isolating, new parenthood when you’re over 40 can feel like exile.

“All the other mothers at the mums and babies group were 10 years younger than me, some 20 years younger,” says Rosie, whose had her daughter, Emily, in 2008. “I’m only 44 but I’d never felt so old in my life.”

Rosie soon realised that she wasn’t “odd” when she found groups for older parents in her home city of Manchester. If you’re not in a big city, the internet can help you connect with parents closer to your age. Try the discussion boards on sites like www.mothersover40.com and www.mothers35plus.co.uk.


* DO mix with younger parents, too

Don’t turn your social circle into a ghetto of older mums and dads. There are advantages to being the head girl in the mums-and-babies gang.

“I wasn’t bothered at all by being the oldest mum in my group,” says Heather, 46. “The younger girls were a lot more relaxed around their babies, and they taught me to be less over-protective with my son Oliver. I think they learned from me as well.”

Stress and perfectionism will harm to even the strongest couples, so a more relaxed attitude may benefit your relationship.


* DO meet in the middle

All relationships need a pinch of compromise. New parents need a truckload of compromise, especially if you’ve both grown used to focusing on your careers.

If one of you is working late and your partner has to do all the baby stuff, swap roles on another night. Looking after a baby should never be the job of one parent.


* DO have sex for fun – eventually

It's hard to feel sexy while you have formula milk down one leg, vomit down the other and boobs that will never be the same again. You may not feel ready for sex again until some time after the baby is born.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. You will regain your desires. When you feel that itch again, enjoy it. Hire a babysitter, escape to a hotel room and remind yourselves that sex, like parenthood, is not just for twentysomethings.

>> Next Page: What NOT to do...

What not to do


* DON’T take tactless comments to heart

Some people still regard a woman with a job as a novelty. Show them a woman who postponed motherhood to her mid-40s so that she could have a career first, and they’ll choke on their pork pie.

People will always blurt out unkind comments, no matter how little they know about you and your life. Please try to ignore them. Otherwise, your self-esteem will suffer and you may start to doubt your instincts as a parent – and that could spell disaster for your relationship with your partner and child.

Also, remember that you’re in a better position to be a good parent and partner than someone who became accidentally pregnant after a one-night stand before they could afford a roof over that child’s head.


* DON’T believe the celebrity hype

Celeb magazines seem to suggest that having kids is a glossy and fashionable business in which age is merely a number.

But when you make $30 million a year and your drudge work is handled by hired help, being an older mum is a walk in the park.

Shred your celebrity magazines. If you must compare yourself with anyone else, let it be friends and relatives. Not Madonna.


* DON’T expect to ping back into shape

New motherhood is no time to be perfectionist about your lifestyle or body. Celebrity mothers pay through the nose to be bullied back into shape. Is that really how you want to spend the first valuable months of your baby’s life?

Not even a 25-year-old mum should expect to snap back to pre-baby shape within weeks. It’s far more important to keep your energy levels high with regular meals, especially if you’re up in the night feeding. If you set yourself unrealistic goals, you’re setting yourself up for a self-esteem crash.


* DON’T forget to talk

When your precious bundle of joy comes along after years of waiting or trying, you’d be forgiven for not wanting to talk about anything else. But don’t get so caught up in caring for the baby that you forget to ask your partner about their day.

Make an effort to chat about things other than the baby, no matter how trivial. Talk about what’s happening in the office, on TV, in the news or with friends – especially the ones without kids. It all helps to maintain the side of your relationship that thrived before baby came along.


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Seven rules of work-life balance

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 29 June | 09:23

Ever wished there were 48 hours in a day? Or 148? Twenty-four hours never seem like enough to divide between your relationship and your work – not to mention friends, family, household chores, hobbies and lying in the bath thinking “ahh”.

Headlines about economic doom have made many of us struggle more than ever to find time for our partners. The more we worry about losing our jobs, the more attention we give to work, and our home life is sidelined.

But pouring all your energy into work does more harm than good. First, a neglected relationship is like a plant without water: it’’ll die, and you’ll barely see it happening. Second, the time you give to your partner and hobbies is not trivial downtime. It’s a vital pressure-release. It keeps you sane, helps you see things in perspective and probably helps you perform better at work.

In our gallery below you'll find seven rules of getting the balance right.

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• The Power of the Tweet

The Power of the Tweet

Rebecca Garson | Wednesday 24 June | 11:21

Last year when people mentioned Twitter no one had a clue what it was all about, but now it’s a completely different story. People are twittering left, right and centre and it’s having a huge impact as far as relationships are concerned and not necessarily for the better.

Many celebrities have jumped on the twittering bandwagon using it to end relationships, speak from the heart and slag off their respective partners.

Katie Price slammed hubby Peter Andre on her page whilst holidaying in Ibiza saying:

“loving ibiza cant wait to see my children when there back from cyprus ! pete being a true (expletive) to me ! he left me nt me leave him.”

Jennifer Aniston reportedly ended her relationship with musician boyfriend John Mayer because of his obsession with the social networking site and Lindsay Lohan posted a string of messages accusing ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson of cheating on her. One tweet read “You broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you.”

However it isn’t all doom and gloom. Masterchef’s Gregg Wallace met his new girlfriend Heidi Brown on Twitter. The pair conversed and flirted via tweets. The father-of-two after talking to Brown about “sorting celery” and “jiggling cabbage” invited her to the Baftas in April.  Following their rendezvous Brown tweeted:

"Had a fabulous weekend with a truly exceptional man, very very happy."

According to K.Jason Krafsy, author of Before I Do: Preparing for the Full Marriage Experience tweeting with your partner can do wonders for your marriage stating:

"I have turned the corner and have found Tweeting to be an invaluable and indispensable communication vehicle to establish and better relationships."

In his blog marriagejunkie he discusses how twitter can transform your life with your partner allowing you to focus on what’s important and stay connected throughout the day enabling plan your evenings together and send romantic messages to keep that all important spark between you.

However, Sky Dating still believes Twittering can be dangerous. Keeping tabs on your partner 24/7 can lead to distrust and wrongful accusations. So be careful! We don’t want you ending up like Katie Price and Peter Andre or Jennifer Aniston and John Meyer. Learn from these celebs mistakes and only tweet for the greater good!

Check out our gallery of celebrity tweeters below!

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• The Art of Talking Dirty

The Art of Talking Dirty

Rebecca Garson | Tuesday 23 June | 08:44

You’re in bed and things are starting to get steamy. Suddenly your partner comes out with something you never thought you’d hear: “Talk dirty to me baby.”

You’re completely thrown – do they want you to talk to them porn star dirty or suave and sexy dirty, complimenting every part of their body?

Talking dirty isn’t something to be feared. Anyone can do it. It just takes a bit of practice and imagination.

Here are a few tips so you don’t become tongue tied next time they ask you:

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• 10 ways to get the space you need

10 ways to get the space you need

Jane Hoskyn | Tuesday 23 June | 08:44

“Finally, Katie’s got some space from Tom!” cheered the celeb bloggers, when Katie Holmes jetted off to Australia in May to film the thriller Don’t be Afraid of the Dark.

Whether Mrs Cruise is grateful for a bit of me-time is something only she can tell us. If she were, she certainly wouldn’t be the first partner to crave some space – though going to Australia may be pushing it a bit.

The importance of personal space is one of the best-kept secrets in relationships. You won’t hear many couples admitting how important it is. They’re far more likely to bleat about how they’re two halves of one whole, constantly together.

“We’re very hands-on with each other,” gushed one celeb wife recently. “I love the fact that we’re together all the time.” Thus spake Jordan, now separated from Peter Andre in a split about as friendly as a great white shark.

Personal space is a much underrated commodity. It keeps people sane and relationships alive, especially when you live together. Here’s how to get the space you need.

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Stopped having sex?

Kate Faithful | Tuesday 16 June | 13:58

However distant the memory of the last time you and your partner had sex, don’t panic. ‘It’s totally normal for sexual relationships to have highs and lows, so every couple experiences times when they go without sex for weeks, months or maybe even years,’ says psychosexual therapist Denise Knowles from the relationship advice charity Relate.

‘Avoiding sex can be a problem because it makes you feel less emotionally connected to your partner,’ explains Knowles. Also, the reason your sex life stalled in the first place is often down to some day-to-day emotional distance between you and your other half, such as feeling like your partner doesn’t understand you, doesn’t listen to you or has betrayed you. ‘When your sex life is non-existent, both of you can subconsciously start to feel rejected, unattractive and less confident,’ adds Knowles.

In other words, it’s a vicious cycle: when you stop having sex you can feel bad about your relationship, which leads you to prolong the abstinence and make you feel even worse.

Time for some good news: ‘It’s totally possible to restore the close connection, emotional and physical, that you once shared with your partner,’ says Knowles.

Here are her tips for getting your sex life back on track before it becomes a bigger problem for your relationship:

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• Cheap Date Ideas

Cheap Date Ideas

Jane Hoskyn | Sunday 14 June | 09:04

1. Picnic in the park

Summertime, and the dating is easy… and cheap. If you think that a pricey limo ride and a bottle of vintage champagne is more romantic than a woozy afternoon in the park with plonk from the off-licence and ice-cream from the van, you have a warped view of romance. This is the real deal. Wrestle on the grass, make daisy chains, people-watch and just enjoy each other’s company. And don’t leave litter!

Price of love: A tenner for food and booze.
 

2. Museum or art gallery

The lucky UK is home to thousands of free museums and art galleries, from local history centres to world-famous landmarks like Tate Modern in London or Liverpool. This type of venue has all sorts of advantages: if you both like art and culture, you’ll enjoy yourselves even if it’s a blind date and there’s no spark between you. The hush of the gallery lifts any pressure to chat, but it gives you plenty to talk about afterwards in the bar.

Price of love: Free admission; a couple of quid for coffee in the café. Looking for some suggestions - try Tipped.

 

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3. Street festival or carnival

Now that winter has packed its cold-eyed bags and run away (good riddance), the nation’s streets are buzzing with free activities every weekend – and often in between. Forget spending over £300 on two tickets to Glastonbury and do your research: sites like www.free-events.co.uk list thousands of wallet-friendly events all over the country. Carnivals and street hoopla are great for dates, because you’ll be switched-on and smiling all day long – and you’ll never be short of things to talk about.

Price of love: £20 for a pub lunch for two.
 

4. Dinner at your place

Show off your culinary skills and turn the lights down low. Best not attempted on a first date, but ideal once you’re a couple. It’s all rather sexy, especially if you start feeding each other and opt for chewing each other’s faces off rather than finishing dinner. Just don’t try the “feeding blindfold from the fridge” trick from Nine and a Half Weeks – it’s far too sleazy. And ask beforehand if there’s anything they won’t eat. Making your lover feel sick will do little for your long-term prospects.

Price of love: £20 for ingredients.
 

5. DVD marathon

A night at the cinema often works out far pricier than expected. £20 for a pair of tickets, £5 for popcorn and Coke, £10 for drinks afterwards and heaven knows what for a cab ride home. Why not just snuggle up at home and have a DVD marathon instead? You get more choice over the films you watch, and you can have an “indoor picnic” while you’re watching. And you can do things to each other that you might get arrested for in Row 15 at the local Odeon.

Price of love: Free trial offer DVD rental from www.blockbuster.co.uk.
 

More inventive cheap date ideas: 

6. Bowling (from £3 a game)
7. Star-gazing (free)
8. Window shopping (free if you can resist temptation)
9. Boating in the park (from £5 per hour)
10. Greyhound racing (from 50p per bet)
11. Camping (from £5 a pitch)
12. Pub quiz (around £1 entry), and possibly lucrative if you know your stuff)
13. Life drawing (around £2 for a drop-in class)
14. Salsa classes (around £5 for a drop-in class)
15. Karaoke (free at the local pub); loss of dignity could be priceless)


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• 10 secrets of successful couples

10 secrets of successful couples

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 11 June | 13:48

Divorce trends have generated hundreds of doom-laden headlines. Almost half of all British marriages are set to end in court. But that means that more than half won’t – not an achievement to be sniffed at.

Marriage break-up is far more accessible and acceptable than it was a few decades ago, so the couples who stay married for life do it because they want to, not because they have to.

What’s their secret? What did Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward (married for 55 years until Newman’s death last year) have that Madonna and Guy Ritchie didn’t? What was the big difference between Paul McCartney’s marriage to Linda (29 years until she died) and his marriage to Heather Mills (four years until she chucked water over his divorce lawyer)?

We’ve come up with 10 qualities that successful couples have in common. Follow these tips if you want your relationship to go the distance.

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• Top 10 Couples Destinations

Top 10 Couples Destinations

Jane Hoskyn | Wednesday 10 June | 17:04

Romantic holidays aren’t just the stuff of new relationships. In fact, going away with a new lover is overrated – not least because exploring an ancient city is the last thing you want to do. Far better to rent a room in an airport hotel and lock the door.

Truly romantic holidays are the ones you go on with a long-term partner. Your time away together really is a break from the routine, not a getting-to-know-you experiment. It’s also a great way to relight the spark in your relationship.

Browse through the gallery below for our top 10 destinations for getting away from it all together.


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• 10 ways to relight your fire

10 ways to relight your fire

Jane Hoskyn | Wednesday 10 June | 12:07

The secret of fancying your long-term partner, according to Hollywood legend Bette Davis, is: “separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms.”

Alas, we don’t all share Bette’s bank balance – or that of Catherine Zeta Jones or Princess Michael of Kent, two other successfully-married women who’ve quoted Ms Davis’s line.

But even when you’re living (and sleeping, and brushing your teeth) in each other’s pockets, there are many ways to keep the romantic fires burning in a long-term relationship.

Here are 10 simple, everyday ways to keep your lust alive.

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• The Great Outdoors Dating Guide

The Great Outdoors Dating Guide

Ben Rawson-Jones | Friday 05 June | 08:51

Spring is finally upon us, the flowers are sprouting and the birds are tweeting (having ditched Facebook after recent layout changes). It's time for us humans to leave our cosy prisons and venture into the Great Outdoors for some adventure and discovery. If you happen to be playing the dating game, there's a good chance the person you're romancing might like becoming better acquainted in al fresco style.

But why follow the predictable path of going down the whole uninspired picnic or theme park route? Here are seven pieces of unusual but quite possibly invaluable outdoor dating advice:

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• The Appeal of Pornography

The Appeal of Pornography

Kate Faithful | Friday 05 June | 08:51

Love it or hate it, porn is a part of adult life. It might not be a hobby men list on their CVs, but it’s definitely something 99% of the male species indulge in.

With that in mind, we uncovered exactly what the real appeal of pornography is. Are you brave enough to find out?…

‘Men get defensive when asked to talk about porn because they think they are being criticised,’ says sex educator Dr Petra Boynton, whose PhD focused on the effects of explicit material. ‘And understandably so, because in the past pornography has been linked with everything from abuse to sex addiction and dodgy moustaches. But porn is made up of many different genres and the fact is plenty of it is perfectly healthy. Surveys show more women are interested in porn than ever before too.’

So, why do men love porn?


Speed

‘The primary appeal of porn is its speed,’ explains Dr Boynton. ‘It is fast to arouse you and can bring you to orgasm quickly. In our culture, we have come to expect immediate fulfillment in all areas of our lives. It’s the equivalent of grabbing a sandwich from the café when you’re hungry at lunchtime instead of preparing a packed lunch to take to the office. When men are horny, it feels natural to look at porn.’


Social conditioning

‘Young men are encouraged by magazines, TV and older brothers to see porn as their right,’ says Dr Boynton. ‘As a society we see men’s sexuality as natural. It is utterly unshocking for men to look at porn privately. In fact, it is almost compulsory. Women are encouraged to be so sexual so they tend to discover their pornographic preferences later in life.’
 

Empowerment

‘With such variety in the pornography available, there is something for every imaginable kink,’ says Dr Boynton. ‘It is empowering to know there’s nothing scarily freaky about your sexual imagination and exciting to discover something you like, whether it’s toe-sucking, threesomes or wrapping your balls in hot bacon. It’s a safe place to explore your fantasies – thoughts which you might not necessarily want to experiment with in real life.’


The Everest factor

‘Many porn users echo the mountaineer, Mallory, who, when asked why he climbed Everest, said, “Because it’s there”,’ explains Dr Boynton. ‘Porn is widely available on the internet, in mainstream magazines and films, even on our mobile phones. With so much content around, it is normal for people to want to see what the fuss is about.’


Intimacy issues

‘For some men porn is a way of switching off, of not having to communicate and build a connection with a real partner,’ reveals Dr Boynton. ‘If women discover their partners are looking at porn instead of paying attention to them, it’s a problem for the relationship. Questions like, “Why are you doing that and not spending time with me?” and, “Why are you spending money on that when you said you were skint?” are liable to get asked, though they are not necessarily helpful. The first step to build your intimacy needs to be taken outside the bedroom. Show an interest in your partner’s thoughts and feelings. Start with, “How was your day?” and take it from there.’


The bottom line

‘Why do men love porn? Ultimately, pornography is a turn-on,’ says Boynton. ‘We can read a lot into the deeper meanings but the reality truly is that simple. Porn turns men on. He’s not desperately soul-searching or thinking there’s anything wrong with your relationship, he’s just looking for a straightforward physical release. And porn will deliver it.’


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Why a recession could boost your love life

Jane Hoskyn | Wednesday 03 June | 09:28

Every cloud has a silver lining, but the world’s financial apocalypse is keeping its lining well hidden. Job losses, negative equity, eggs that cost more than a pair of shoes… it’s not easy to see an upside.

But here’s some relief for your recession fever. Money meltdown can be great for your love life. Don’t believe it? Let us count the ways…


1. Cheap dates are hassle-free dates. A pricey restaurant meal involves a “who pays?” dilemma, and you have to dress nice and be on your best behaviour. But with a DVD and takeaway, you can just relax and enjoy the company.


2. Cooking dinner for your lover is far more romantic than going to a restaurant. You get to show off your culinary skills, turn the lights down low and adjourn to bed without paying for a cab.


3. If you do go out to dinner, the recession gives you an excuse to skip straight to pudding – and share it.


4. Recession-hit men prefer curvier women. Researchers studied Playboy centrefolds in different market conditions, and found that men like fuller-figured women more in lean times than in boom times.


5. A DVD marathon is cosier than going to the pictures. You get more choice of films, you can do things to each other that you’d get arrested for in Row 15 at the local Odeon, and microwave popcorn costs 10,000 times less than cinema popcorn. Or thereabouts.


6. West End theatres are touristy and over-priced; comedy clubs are cosy, cheap and cool. Which is handy, since laughter is a great aphrodisiac. Many stand-up clubs hold free open-mic nights, and comedy TV shows give away free tickets (see www.chortle.co.uk).


7. Going online to find a date is not just cheaper than cruising bars, it’s also more fruitful. With half the nation’s 15m adult singles currently looking for love online, you stand a better chance of spotting your dreamboat here than in a nightclub so dark that you can’t see your feet.


8. You and your lover can’t afford spas now – a splendid excuse to massage each other instead. Make some DIY “spa day” vouchers and pamper your other half until they tingle.


9. Flea markets and boot fairs are infinitely more romantic than mondo-malls and high street shops. They’re also stuffed with cheap, one-off pressie ideas.


10. Dirty weekends abroad are overrated. You spend half the time travelling, ending up tired and grouchy with each other. Happiness is a duvet weekend together at home. No tickets to buy, no passport to spend three hours looking for, no getting up at 4.30am to catch the cheap morning flight. And probably lots more sex.


11. Bankers no longer get all the girls.


12. True romance is about imagination and creativity, not about how much money you can spend. The most impressive pressies are those that you devote loads of thought and time to. For example, carefully-compiled playlists burned onto DVD, with a DIY sleeve drawn by your own fair hand.


13. Candles are far more flattering to the complexion than electric lightbulbs.


14. With luck, the credit crunch will kill the trend for daft mondo-weddings (think Jordan and Pete). Average nuptials cost £25,000 last year, while the divorce rate reached 45%. If we’re forced to spend less, we can start married life with less debt. The bit that matters – pledging your love, and meaning it – costs nothing.


15. Or you could always get hitched in Las Vegas, now that recession-hit Vegas hotels are slashing their rates.


16. Save on bills; share a shower.


17. Cold at night? A lover is cheaper and more eco-friendly than an electric blanket.


18. If you live together, going out less means more time for sex. Sex is cheaper than a restaurant meal, and less likely to make you fat. It’s also good for the soul, thanks to that lusty rush of feel-good chemicals. Studies have shown that the more sex you have, the more sex you want.


19. Certain cheaper foods, such as porridge and carrots, have been found to boost libido. Pricey stuff like booze, ciggies and junk food play havoc with your sex drive. Carrot stick, anyone?


20. Exercise also boosts your libido, especially when combined with fresh air. Ditch the car or travelcard, cancel your gym membership, and walk or cycle everywhere instead – ideally together.


21. Lawyers report that the credit crunch has put an end to gold-digging. Good riddance, trophy wives.


22. Once you and your partner get used to spending less, you may argue less often. You now share an incentive to be more honest and careful with money. That should mean less trivial spending on beer and gadgets – and fewer rows about it.


23. A trashy hotel room holds a filthy thrill that a pricey suite never can.


24. Shorter holidays are not just cheaper, but better for your relationship. A week away together leaves you itching for space; one night away leaves you itching for more.


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Who is in charge of your relationship?

Kate Faithful | Monday 01 June | 15:19

The power balance dictates every aspect of your relationship, from who says, ‘I love you,’ the most, to who wants more sex and who buys dinner. ‘One person always has more power in a relationship than the other,’ says psychologist Dr Rebecca McGuire-Snieckus, who is the co-author of The Mind Gym: Relationships. ‘An unequal power balance can cause excitement and fireworks but when one of you consistently hogs the control, it’s a sign your relationship is in trouble. For your best chance of a happy-ever-after, you and your partner need to share the power as much as possible.’

It’s time to balance out the see-sawing power in your relationship. Simply read the statements below, and if you tick two or more statements in any one category, follow that advice to bring your relationship back to an even keel.

1. You need to take charge more if…

√ - Sometimes, you look at your partner and can’t believe how lucky you are

√ - You make the most effort in the relationship

√ - You hate it when your other half goes out without you

√ - You worry you’re not sexually satisfying enough for your partner

Dominant partners may seem sexy, but they’re not always a long-term recipe for success. ‘Itemising exactly what you’re putting in and getting out of the relationship can open your other half to the imbalance in your relationship,’ says Dr McGuire-Snieckus. ‘Do it without pouting, hinting or sulking: act like an equal and you’ll be treated like one.’ The second step to equality is to assume the best of your partner’s behaviour. ‘When they’re late back from the pub, tell yourself they are having another drink, not chatting someone up,’ advises Dr McGuire-Snieckus. ‘Focus on these changes and you’ll feel less needy and more powerful.

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>> Next Page: You've got the right power balance if...

 

2. You’ve got the right power balance if…

√ - You’re both super-competitive on the Wii

√ - Your sex drives are pretty much equal

√ - Neither of you gets jealous

√ - You decided on this year’s holiday destination together

Congratulations! Sharing the power is a sign your relationship is in great health. But don’t take it for granted. ‘It is possible for you to become too co-dependent: a relationship isn’t enough to be your only source of reward in life,’ says Dr McGuire-Snieckus. ‘To nip co-dependence in the bud, spend time with your friends and devote a few hours each week to something just for you, whether it’s starting riding lessons or curling up with a trashy book.’

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>> Next Page: You need to share the power if...

 

3. You need to share the power if…

√ - You choose the restaurant, but your partner always pays

√ - You practically invented the game “Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen”

√ - If someone attractive chats you up, you don’t always mention you’re in a relationship

√ - You’ve often been called “high maintenance” in the past

Though being in the driving seat can be a turn-on, sometimes it’s nice to be taken care of too. ‘Handing over the reins can be scary, but showing your partner than you need them is good news for your relationship,’ says Dr McGuire-Snieckus. Start with baby steps. ‘Give them responsibility for what you do this weekend and make a special effort to listen more than you talk. Don’t be put off when your other half becomes more assertive. When both of you share the power, your love will last longer.’

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• Who pays the bill?

Who pays the bill?

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 01 June | 08:40

The credit crunch may be making headlines, but some things stay the same whether we’re in good times or bad. Such as the tricky business of who pays for a date.

You may think that 2009 is no time for any couples to be wondering how to split the bill. They either pay halves, or pay for what they each ordered. But it’s not as simple as that. The personal politics of date finance are as complicated as ever.

Here are a few dos and don’ts to help you tiptoe through the minefield.


What to do


DO take into account who asked whom out


As a rule of thumb, whoever asked for the date should pay. It may not always be clear who asked – for example if you met online, the decision to meet is usually informal and mutual. If that’s the case, split the bill.


DO read your companion’s body language


If you’re a woman out on a date with a man, watch out for closed and quiet body language in your companion when the bill arrives. He’s probably scared that you’re expecting him to pay for everything.

Break the tension by suggesting that you go halves. But if he’s puffed up and making plenty of eye contact with the waiter, he’s trying to impress. Let him pay – and offer to foot the bill next time.

If you’re a man on a date with a woman, watch out if she adopts a closed posture with folded arms and legs. Avoiding eye contact when the bill arrives is another clue – she wants you to pay for her dinner. Next time, ask to go Dutch.


DO go halves once you’ve started seeing each other



While it’s nice if one person wants to pick up the tab on a first date, later dates should be more equal affairs. Either split the bill each time, or take turns to pay.

Be thoughtful about it. If one of you is going through a hard-up phase, the other should respect that and perhaps offer to treat them. The other partner should remember and return the favour when they’re feeling a little more flush.


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What not to do


DON’T make a fuss if your date wants to buy you dinner.


You may think that it’s daft and old fashioned, or you may feel insulted, or you may think that they’re trying to buy your affections.

Chances are, they’re just trying to be nice. They probably like you and hope that by paying for dinner, it’ll encourage you to want to see them again. So
be gracious and accept their generosity.


DON’T assume that paying for dinner means you’ve “earned” sex


A restaurant receipt is not an access-all-areas bedroom pass. Don’t feel pressured to sleep with someone who buys you dinner, or even to see them again if you’re not keen.


DON’T feel rejected if they want to go Dutch


If you’re a woman on a date with a man and he suggests going halves, it doesn’t automatically mean that he doesn’t like you. There are many other factors at play. Maybe he was brought up to see women as equals (lucky you), or he’s broke (not so lucky you).


DON’T go Dutch on birthdays!


It’s unforgiveable to take someone out on their birthday (or even suggest a takeaway), and then expect them to pay their way. Only the meanest, most thoughtless tightwad would do such a thing, and it’s a dumpable offence.


Dating by Numbers

•    Almost a fifth of women say they expect men to pick up the bill.

 

•    British men expect to fork out over £50 on a date; women expect to spend around £30.

 

•    Single British men collectively spend over £12 billion a year on dating. For women, it’s less than £5 billion. You do the maths.

 

•    A quarter of men break into their credit card to fund a date, and 16% would borrow money from friends or families.

 

•    Three quarters of men admit that they’ve overspent on a date, and more than one in ten have been caught short of cash at the end of the evening. Where’s that cashpoint…?

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• The Secret of Sex Appeal

The Secret of Sex Appeal

Rebecca Garson | Monday 01 June | 08:40

Sex appeal. It makes heads turns, hearts flutter -- but how can you increase yours?

Sex appeal isn’t just about beauty. You don’t have to be a knockout to have sex appeal. It’s about confidence. If you feel good about yourself it will rub off on other people and they will want to be around you. Confidence is incredibly sexy and is more attractive than good looks. It’s true! Ok, so if you look like Angelina Jolie you may have more luck than most with the opposite sex, but a super confident person who isn’t necessarily on the same par as Angelina in terms of beauty will also have a lot of success when it comes to dating. If we look back at some of the people we have fancied over the years you may wonder what you were thinking --they had spots, walked like a gorilla, but I guarantee what you were attracted to was their confidence.

In order to have sex appeal you have to have the whole package. According to Dr. Neil Clark Warren of eHarmony your physical appearance only amounts to 10% of the whole process. “There's not a thing in the world wrong with watching your weight, toning your body, choosing the right haircut, wearing stylish clothes, and following every last rule of physical hygiene”, says Dr Warren. “You will make yourself far more appealing physically, and you will already be 10% of the way to a sex appeal that will draw the kind of person you are dreaming of,” he adds.

So if that’s 10% what about the 90% left over? The next step (30%) is all down to getting your mind in shape. A healthy mind boosts your sex appeal, so read books, reflect and try new things.

You may not believe it but Dr Warren says 60% of sex appeal is about your soul. Deep huh? So how can you go about nurturing your soul. Time alone and lots of reflection.

Not all of us are good at getting in touch with our inner selves, and if you are one of those people check out our gallery below for other ways to boost your sex appeal without locking yourself in a darkened room, reading about evolution and mediating every night.

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• 10 things women love about male bodies

10 things women love about male bodies

Kate Faithful | Monday 01 June | 08:40

A beautiful body is just something nice to look at, right? Wrong: it goes way deeper than that. It goes down to our very biology, the combination of cells and chemicals that make us human beings and have helped the human race survive for thousands of years. ‘We are biologically hard-wired to be sensitive to beauty,’ says psychologist Dr Rebecca McGuire-Snieckus, co-author of The Mind Gym: Relationships. ‘It is all about survival value, our brain’s way of making sense of natural selection.’

Here, Dr McGuire-Snieckus examines the reason for female attraction to specific male body parts…


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• The top sexual positions - with a twist

The top sexual positions - with a twist

Kate Faithful | Friday 29 May | 09:13

If you’re looking for something new to surprise your partner with between the sheets, look no further. All it takes is a simple twist to upgrade your favourite tried-and-tested positions into a whole new thrilling experience for the two of you.

Click through our gallery to find a sex position that will make your bedsheets sizzle…




1. The classic: Missionary

The hot new twist: Titillating triangle

So much sexier than the plain old missionary. He stays on top but gets onto all fours. She raises her pelvis up to meet his penis, so her body takes the shape of a triangle. His challenge is to stay still as she pleasures herself on him. She might be on the bottom but she’s totally in charge. As she lifts her pelvis she teases him, controlling the speed, timing and depth of every thrust.

 

2. The classic: Private lap dance

The hot new twist: Kinky up close

He sits on a tall-backed dining chair as he would for a private lap dance. She straddles him and leans back a little, resting her hands on his knees. Then she lifts her legs and hooks them over his shoulders, enabling her to grind on him. He gets a supersexy view of her at the closest imaginable quarters.

 

3. The classic: Spooning

The hot new twist: Forking

He lies on his side and spoons her, entering her from behind. Then he interlinks his legs around hers like fork prongs. Keeping her legs together means he feels bigger inside you and turns the friction up to a heavenly level. Now and then, she can part her legs then squeeze them together to drive him crazy.

 

4. The classic: 69

The hot new twist: 71

You got it: 71 = 69 + 2. The extra two are sex toys to sensationalise oral sex. In the traditional 69 position, she uses a special ‘tongue teaser’, an oral sex vibrator, to supercharge his blow job. Simultaneously, he teases her down there not only with his lips but with a small bullet-shaped vibrator. It’s orgasm maths.

 

5. The classic: Two become one

The hot new twist: Foursome

Relax – no-one has invited the neighbours round. This is a twist on proper love-making sex, where you stare into each others eyes and really connect. Except this time, you’re both going to stare into each others reflection in the mirror while you have sex. The distance between watching each other and touching each other creates wild sexual tension.

 

6. The classic: Lazy sofa sex

The hot new twist: Sofa so sexy

He sits on the couch and leans back as she straddles him. As he holds her, she slowly leans back so she’s virtually upside-down, balancing her hands on the floor underneath her. He opens and closes her legs as he thrusts into her, alternating the intensity of each movement.

 

7. The classic: Cowgirl

The hot new twist: Twirl girl

He lies down and she sits on top of him, as in the classic cowgirl pose on his lap. But then she swings her legs across his body, so her legs are at right angles to his. She keeps her legs tight together and leans back on her hands as he enters her. With him inside her, she swivels and twirls on him like a corkscrew.

 

 

8. The classic: Doggy style

The hot new twist: Foxy style

He kneels as he would for doggy style, but she backs onto him and kneels on top of him, creating the ‘kneeling fox’. She leans forward one hand on the bed for support. This way she can angle her pelvis to feel his thrusts more deeply and use her free hand to play with her clitoris.



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• Attract someone who’s out of your league

Attract someone who’s out of your league

Jane Hoskyn | Tuesday 26 May | 09:29

Jazz thimble Jamie Cullum is a good-looking bloke. He’s successful, talented and would probably delight the parents of any girl who took him home. But… Sophie Dahl? How did he do that?

The news that Jamie and Sophie are to get married gives hope to all of us who are too short, too “curvy”, too unconventional or too hard-up to be on the dating A-list. With the right mix of charisma and confidence, you really can pull above your weight.

The world is littered with marriages between ugly old farts (or footballers) and gorgeous young wives. But they’re not really what we’re talking about, because their attraction tends to be financial. It’s fair to say that Sophie Dahl isn’t after Jamie Cullum’s cash.

The life-affirming fact is, personality really does count. Looks may turn your head at first, and money and status are irresistible for some, but there are plenty of other factors in play as well.

Here’s how to make the most of what you’ve got, even if you’re no oil painting (or worth as much as one).


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• How to become a royal girlfriend

How to become a royal girlfriend

Jane Hoskyn | Tuesday 26 May | 09:24

Prince William may soon be off the market for good. Following his recent much-photographed day at the polo with Kate Middleton, bookies have received a rush of bets that the pair will be engaged by the end of the year, and they’ve slashed the odds to 1/2.

Wannabe princesses still have a chance with Prince Harry, who not only has his single status but also a full head of hair. He’s been spotted with one or two female friends since his break-up with Chelsy Davy, but he hasn’t rebounded into a relationship yet.

Fancy your chances? Here are some dos and don’ts on snaring your own slice of Windsor.


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What to do


* DO gatecrash the right parties


Getting into the “right” bashes doesn’t always require an invitation, but research is essential. You won’t find this lot in your Facebook inbox.

A charity event is your best bet for rubbernecking royalty. Tickets can be pricey and scarce, so sign up as a volunteer. Your caring/sharing cred will go down well with aristos who want to prove how much like Princess Diana they are.

If you can stretch to a ticket to New York on May 30, head for the Veuve Clicquot Manhattan Polo Classic and after-party at the Pink Elephant Nightclub. Prince Harry is a near-cert to be there. It’s all for charity, of course: proceeds go to Sentebale, the African orphans charity Harry set up in memory of his mum.


* DO make friends with the right bouncers


Royals let nightclub staff know about their upcoming visits. Get the inside scoop by befriending bouncers, bar staff or backroom bods at the junior royals’ favourite London clubs, Boujis in Kensington and Mahiki in Mayfair. Especially the bouncers, since they’re the scariest.

Bonus points if you manage to befriend a royal chap’s bodyguard, who’s the last line of defence between royalty and the great unwashed. (Which means you.)


* DO upgrade your hobbies


Sadly, the hobbies that attract rich men are the hobbies that lead to the bankruptcy court. But you can always deal with that once you’ve snared your prince.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be polo. Golf or shooting will do, at least if you don’t mind settling for a lower-league aristocrat or Guy Ritchie.

Photography is another posh hobby, but only if you have all the right kit (old-school film, of course) and your own darkroom. A compact digital camera won’t cut it.


* DO dress the part


Never mind the credit crunch. If you’re determined to pull above your financial weight, you must invest in the appropriate threads. It doesn’t have to be Armani: Jigsaw (where Kate Middleton works as a buyer) will do just fine.

Max out your plastic on modest outfits that radiate elegance. Kate Middleton has got it right with her tailored jacket and floral skirt combos: she’s made Vanity Fair's best dressed list and Tatler’s list of top 10 style icons.


* DO mind your Ps and Qs


Aristos may be a bit less plummy than they were a century ago, but they still talk proper, like. Letting rip with a broad Essex or Geordie accent won’t endear you to royalty, who won’t understand a word you’re saying. If you want to pull the Queen’s grandson, you’ll need to deliver your chat-up lines in the Queen’s English, with no rude bits.


* DO keep them waiting


Playing hard to get doesn’t work with mere mortals, who lose interest if they think you don’t fancy them. But royals know that they can have anyone they want, so your indifference will make you stand out from the crowd.

Kate Middleton was Prince William’s housemate long before she was his girlfriend. Rather than throw herself at him, she feigned lack of interest by going out with someone else and playing “platonic mates” with Wills. The poor lad couldn’t resist.


* DO think you’re good enough


A few years ago, you didn’t stand a chance of going out with royalty unless you were a thoroughbred blue-blood. Lady Diana Spencer was arguably posher than the Windsors: her ancestors included two kings, a Duke and a canonised saint. Oh, and she was 11th cousin to Prince Charles.

Fast forward three decades to Kate Middleton, who’s the daughter of an air stewardess and pilot who founded a mail order company. She’s definitely not William’s cousin.

What Kate does have is confidence. She knows she’s good enough for William, despite her parents’ self-made middle class background. She famously said: “He’s lucky to be going out with me.”
Even the most upper of upper class gents would be bowled over by such an attitude.

>> Next Page: What NOT to do if you want to pull a Prince...

 

 

What not to do


* DON'T flash the flesh


Falling out of Boujis in ripped velour hotpants may get you photographed with Prince Harry, but it won’t get you invited home for tea. Glamour models pull footballers; aristocrats are nabbed by horsey girls with short nails, silk blouses and a porch full of wellies. The more you can leave to the royal imagination, the better.


* DON'T talk about money


There’s only one thing that’ll wreck your chances faster than mooning at a Buckingham Palace garden party, and that’s asking your blue-blooded man about his bank balance. You might as well whip out a divorce lawyer there and then.

As a rule of thumb, the more genuinely posh a man is, the less he’ll want to talk about money. Wide boys who bomb around in their tinted-window BMWs are only too delighted to brag about their cash, but they probably can’t spell “royalty”, let alone qualify for membership.


* DON’T expect them to pay for everything


Buy him a drink. Vintage whiskey, fine champagne… whatever he wants, consider it an investment. Paying the bill not only demonstrates your lack of greed, but it makes you look confident and independent – both winning qualities on the aristocratic dating scene.


* DON’T be a cat lady


In royalty land, it’s dogs all the way. And we’re not talking about pixel-pooches that fit in your handbag – what you want is a dog that’s bigger than a bathtub and leaves a carpet of hair wherever he goes. Better still, get five of them. The perfect prince-pulling pet squad.


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• What Men Love About Older Women

What Men Love About Older Women

Kate Faithful | Friday 22 May | 09:20

Hands up if you thought Demi Moore’s relationship with Ashton Kutcher, a man 16 years younger than her, would never last. We thought it was a stunt, nothing more than a joke or at best, a bit of fun. Yet now, having clocked up six happy years and exchanged wedding rings, Demi, 46 and Ashton, 31, have proved theirs is the relationship template for the future. It is no longer the norm for women to date older men or to be considered ‘on the shelf’ once past their 40th birthday. Women on the prowl for toyboys even have a sexy new name, ‘cougars’ and a new TV comedy series dedicated to them: Cougar Town, starring Friends actress Courtney Cox, 44.

Don’t think for a minute that cougars are an LA fad because a new crop of website like www.toyboywarehouse.com, www.agelesslove.com and www.agematch.com have sprung up and have over 40,000 members between them. Most telling of all is the gender split: 60/40 in favour of men.

So, we asked relationship psychologist Paula Hall from Relate to explain the draw of older women…


Security

‘Having invested years into building up their own lives, careers, homes, even families, it is natural for older women to feel more secure than their younger counterparts,’ says Hall. ‘She’s not looking for reassurance about her body or her ability to tell a good joke because she is already secure being exactly who she is. It’s a fact that the less clingy or needy a partner is, the more desirable they become.’


Family planning

‘During their twenties and thirties, it’s common for men to feel suspicious of women trying to “trap” them into settling down. Older women are more likely to have had their children already, or to have independently made the decision not to have kids at all. It’s appealing for a younger man to have a relationship with a woman who isn’t necessarily looking for a baby-maker. Though perversely, dating a woman who isn’t desperate to get pregnant can make a man more interested in starting a family himself.’


Excitement

‘Undeniably, it’s still a novelty for a younger man to date an older woman,’ says Hall. ‘She’s got a different body, different experience and different expectations of a relationship. Sexually, she’s more likely to know what she wants and how to get it. That’s a huge turn on for any man.’


Knowledge

‘All those extra years of relationship experience mean older women usually have more emotional intelligence,’ reveals Hall. ‘For her partner, it’s good to feel like you don’t have to be the one who has the answers to everything. It gives you freedom to get it wrong because you’re with someone who knows how to fix it – that feeling takes the stress out of a relationship.’



Opportunities

‘Twenty years ago, it wasn’t the done thing for women in their forties and fifties to date younger men,’ says Hall. ‘Thanks to women choosing to settle down later in life and our rising divorce rate, there are more forty-somethings on the dating scene than ever before. Cougars are no longer out of reach, so younger men get the chance to date them. And don’t even think of hiding your love: part of the thrill of the older woman / younger man dynamic is flaunting your relationship for all to admire.’


Status

‘Going out with an attractive older woman is undoubtedly a status symbol,’ explains Hall. ‘It says something about the man privileged enough to be someone’s toyboy. It poses the question, “What’s his secret?” and the answer is inevitably that he is hot. Simple as that.’




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• Love in an empty nest

Love in an empty nest

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 22 May | 09:20

Living alone with your partner after two decades with a houseful of kids can be a shock to the system. You might look at each other and think, “what have we got to talk about now?”

If you’re the single parent of a grown-up child who’s just left home, the shock of a suddenly empty nest can be even harder.

But this needn’t be a lonely time. If you’re single, you’re now free to flirt and date as freely as you did before your kids came along. If you’re a couple, you can get to know each other again as individuals, not just as Mum and Dad.

It used to be assumed that parents, mums especially, needed handfuls of tranquillisers to help them survive when the kids flew. But it’s since become clear that the “empty nest syndrome” cliché is wide of the mark. Empty-nesters are only too happy to embrace their regained freedom.

“Before my youngest went to university, I did wonder how I’d fill my time,” says Paula, 52. “I worried about whether my husband and I had anything in common any more. But we’re having the time of our lives.”

Single dad David, 49, has waved his daughter Hannah off to college. “She and I are good mates, so it’s hard. But she’s been pushing me to try online dating, so I’m giving it a go. It’s scary but exciting.”

Here’s how to turn your own empty nest into a romantic opportunity, whether you’re coupled-up or single.


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What to do


* DO start to adjust before your kids leave

If your children are off to university this summer, or they’re moving out to live with friends or their boyfriend or girlfriend, you may be tempted to give them all your attention in the next couple of months. Try not to. Your adjustment period starts right now. Start spending quality time with your partner, or going out on dates, so that it’s not such a shock when the kids go.


* DO go on dates

Remember how much fun it was for the two of you to buzz off on a night out, just because you felt like it? Now’s your chance to do it again. Go to a posh restaurant, or see a film that reminds you of your early years together. If you’re single, get out there and flirt!


* DO take up a new hobby

Use your extra time and money to find a new passion. Empty-nest couples say that they’re brought much closer by taking up a new pastime together. Whether it’s learning to paint or planning a trip around the world, it’ll bond you and give you plenty to talk about.


* DO look after yourself physically

You‘re not an old duffer yet, and you’ve now got the chance to join the gym or take up dancing, golf, running or some other body-blitzing activity. It’ll boost your self-esteem and your sex life. If you’re single, it’s also a great way to meet people.


* DO experiment in bed

You’ve now got the perfect combination of experience, freedom from pregnancy scares and a home of your own to do it in, with no-one around to catch you, so let rip and enjoy it – on the kitchen table if you want.

In the bad old days it was assumed that women lost interest after the menopause, but that’s usually not the case. Sex improves your relationship by easing tension and making you both feel attractive. Remember there’s a lot of bonding power in kissing, hugging, holding hands and just being close to each other.

If you’re single and diving back into the dating scene, have fun. But remember that although you may be getting too old to reproduce, you’re not too old to catch or carry an STI, so use a condom.


* DO keep your child posted about your life

If you’re still in a relationship with their other parent, your children will want reassurance that you two are OK together. If you’re single, involve the kids in your efforts to find a date – or at least reassure them that you’re happily dating or single. Either way, don’t let them think that you’re moping around the house, because they’ll feel concerned and guilty.


* DO get professional help if you need it

If your children’s departure is a wake-up call that your relationship with their other parent is over, talk to friends or a counsellor before making the move. Don’t misinterpret your empty-nest grief as the end of your relationship. However, don’t be afraid to walk away from a relationship that has made you feel trapped and unhappy for years.


>> Next Page: What NOT to do when your children leave home...

 

 

What not to do


* DON’T fixate on what the children are doing

You’re still their mum or dad, but you’re no longer their guardian. This is your chance to rediscover yourself as an individual, free of constant worry about your kids’ whereabouts.

If you’re now alone with your partner for the first time in many years, don’t let the kids be the main subject of every conversation. Making an effort to talk about other things will greatly benefit your relationship.


* DON’T expect your partner to handle it in the same way

You may find your kids’ departure far harder or easier to cope with than your partner does. Don’t just accuse them of over- or under-reacting. Let your partner talk, and show love and respect by listening.


* DON’T be a clingy partner

You may feel insecure about losing your partner as well as your kids, but there’s no reason why this should happen. Give each other space to see friends and enjoy separate interests, now that you have the freedom to do so.


* DON'T be a clingy parent

Your kids have probably flown the nest at a much older age than you and your parents did. Let them go and create their own life and identity.

Never be tempted to use your grown-up kids as agony aunts or uncles. They may be old enough to vote and drink, but few children are ever old enough to handle the burden of their parents’ emotional problems.


* DON’T worry…

An empty nest can be heaven, especially if you’ve spent most of your life at the beck and call of children, partner, children’s friends, pets, lodgers and whoever else crossed your domestic path. Relax and enjoy it!


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• Sex through the ages

Sex through the ages

Kate Faithful | Friday 22 May | 09:20

‘Our internal worlds are ruled by our hormones, controlling everything from how often we think about sex to how fertile we are and who we find attractive,’ says Vivienne Parry, author of The Truth About Hormones. ‘By pinpointing what our hormones are doing at the four key stages of our sexual lives: at ages 15, 30, 45 and 60, we can understand why we feel the way we do.’

Read on to find out what’s happening in your body…


Age: 15

‘The teenage years are one phenomenal hormone rush,’ says Parry. ‘In terms of pubescent development, girls are two years ahead of their male classmates so they tend to fancy older boys. Girls get estrogen, the female hormone, which rearranges their stores of fat and gives them breasts. She is beginning to think about sex, and within two years of her first menses, she will be settled in a regular cycle. By age 18 she will be at the peak of her fertility. As for 15-year-old boys, they typically experience a huge surge in testosterone, with 50 times more of the chemical pumping through their veins. That explains why they think about sex every 10 seconds. Though teenage boys have a huge sex drive, they don’t have much social finesse: it takes a few years to become accustomed to their new-found testosterone. When males reach 18 or 19, they become attractive to young women of the same age. It is no coincidence that hormones co-ordinate beauty between the sexes when men and women are their most fertile.’


Age: 30

‘Though women’s bodies try to get pregnant at age 18, society persuades women to resist motherhood until they are nearer 30,’ says Parry. ‘This is when they are looking for a mate, so their bodies aids and abet this. She thinks she has free will over her choice of partner, but it is actually driven by her hormones. She unconsciously assesses men for evidence of their testosterone, shown in his strong jawline and muscle mass, because a baby needs testosterone for good genes and survival. In the week after her period, when she is less fertile, she will be attracted to baby-faced men. When the next month’s eggs are released, she will prefer testosterone-faced men again. Oxytocin, the cuddle hormone, is released at the moment of orgasm in order to bind her to her sexual partner and cement the union. It’s interesting that when a woman is passionately in love her ovulation can alter to increase fertility, which explains why she is ambushed by a surprise period when she plans a sexy weekend with her lover. As for 30-year-old men, they tend to be more stressed about their careers and finances than family planning. Under stress they produce more estrogen and the influx of female hormones can give them man-boobs. The key to upping his testosterone is to drink less alcohol, exercise more and relax as much as possible.’


Age: 45

‘A woman’s estrogen level has halved by age 45 as she approaches the menopause, but that’s not a bad thing,’ says Parry. ‘There is a danger of her becoming so irritable she is put off sex altogether, but it is usually temporary because 50 is the age when women feel most satisfied and confident about sex. They have less body hang-ups and are prepared to tell their partners what they want and how they feel. Some studies believe men at this age experience a sudden drop in testosterone, known as the andropause, that persuades them to buy a fast car and wear a lot of black. Other studies cite the woman’s falling estrogen and accompanying grumpiness within the relationship as explanation for his change in behaviour. To take control of your life, accept that your hormones can play havoc with your mind and don’t stress about it, because it won’t last forever.’


Age: 60

‘Women don’t stop having sex after the menopause,’ says Parry. ‘Women are as capable as lubricating as they were before their menopause, though it tends to take them longer. The only limit to her sex life is the availability of her partner. For 60-plus men, problems with illnesses that target this age group like cardiovascular disease, furred arteries and high blood pressure can affect his ability to get an erection. In fact, erectile dysfunction can be an early marker for cardiovascular disease. The best way to prevent this is through healthy eating and plenty of exercise. Who knew fresh fruit and vegetables could be so sexy?’


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Love and Money

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 18 May | 09:11

It’s well known that couples row about money more than any other subject. With financial hardship making headlines every day, it's a bigger issue than ever.

Today’s couples tend to have money arrangements that would make our grandparents’ eyes water. We’ve come a long way from the day when the man went out to work and the woman got her household pocket money.

Many of today’s couples even shy away from joint household accounts, preferring to keep their finances completely independent. That may be handy when they break up, but it can cause arguments over who pays the bills – and suspicion over who’s really spending what.

The answer is a mix of communication and compromise. It is possible to harmonise your money management without losing control of your own finances.

Here are our tips on making it work.


1. Mention it up front


Many couples would rather talk about their loo habits than their money. Finance is a difficult and extremely personal topic, but you must discuss it if you’re to avoid letting it come between you.

If you can establish a fair, mutually acceptable way of managing money early on in your relationship, you stand a far better chance of long-term success as a couple. With the money stuff dealt with, you’re free to focus on the more enjoyable things.


2. It’s never too late


If you’re further down the line as a couple and you’ve never talked about your money issues, kick-start your discussions by seeing a counsellor. He or she will help you find a way to discuss money without it exploding into a row.


3. Work out your money personalities

So you’ve brought up the subject and got over that initial squeamishness. Your next goal is a clearer understanding of each other's attitudes and fears about money.

When you start discussing your money priorities, you’ll find that you each fall into one of three broad categories. You’ll either see money as something to be enjoyed (“live for today”); something that represents security (“save it for a rainy day”); or something for sharing with other people.

You can make a relationship work if you have different attitudes towards money, but only if you respect and work with each other.


4. Agree your budget priorities


Once you’ve honestly discussed your attitudes towards money, you can then start setting budgets and divvying up responsibilities.

If you and your partner have similar attitudes, setting a budget will be a relatively simple matter. First agree on basic budget priorities such as household bills, and then set budget limits for going out, buying clothes and so on. Also discuss how much money you want to save for the future.

If your attitudes differ, you’ll need to reach a compromise. Don’t shout over your partner or accuse them of being tight or irresponsible. If you want to make it work, respect your partner’s habits and find a middle ground.


5. Consider a joint account


Surveys show that around half of couples in long-term relationships in the UK and the US have a mix of joint and separate accounts – and this makes perfect sense.

If you live together, set up a joint account for shared household expenses such as bills and food. Each pay a set amount into the account each month (assuming you have similar incomes), perhaps by standing order.

Some couples prefer to keep things completely separate, and devise complicated systems to divide bills. This can create confusion and suspicion. It suggests that you don’t quite trust each other – and that’s no basis for a relationship.

However it is important to maintain some financial autonomy. Outside the joint household account, keep things separate. If you pour every penny of your income into a joint account, you give up your independence and privacy. Is that really what a relationship should involve?


6. How to handle an earnings imbalance


Life and finances would be easier if everyone earned roughly the same amount, but real life doesn’t happen that way. Salaries vary, people often study or re-train later in life, and most couples divide into breadwinner and carer when babies come along.

Don’t let an income imbalance affect the power in your relationship. If you earn more, it doesn’t make you the boss. Chances are your partner is working just as hard, whether it’s on childcare duties or at their studies.

The key is to talk and listen to each other. If you’re the higher earner, show support for your partner with more than just money. Reassure them that you admire what they’re doing. Let them know that you value what they’re bringing to the relationship.

Also remember that it won’t always be this way. Keep your eye on the long term, and discuss your shared goals.


7. If you really can’t talk about it…


Few money worries are insurmountable, as long as you can talk about them. But when you can never discuss finances without rowing, it may be a sign of deeper incompatibilities – and you may be better off apart.



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The loneliness of the long-distance lover

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 15 May | 16:05

Life might be so much simpler if we all fell for the boy or girl next door. But in an age of online dating and increased job mobility, we’re more likely to fall for the boy or girl who lives at the opposite end of the country.

Long-distance relationships are an odd mix of highs and lows. At first, you’re brimming with anticipation about your next meeting (absence makes the heart grow fonder), but before long the distance becomes a chore, and your head is turned by distractions closer to home (out of sight, out of mind).

But with dedication and good communication, you can make it work. Here are some tips for going the distance when there’s plenty of distance between you.


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What to do


* DO be faithful

Monogamy is just as important in a long-distance relationship as in any other kind of romantic relationship. If one of you finds out that the other has slept with someone else, the trust is gone – and so has your relationship.


* DO set some ground rules

Make sure that you both know that faithfulness is expected. It’s no good assuming that your partner thinks it’s important too. If you want to carry on seeing other people, be honest about it rather than using the distance as an excuse to cheat.


* DO stay in close touch

Communication is key to making this work. Use all sorts of ways to stay in touch, and don’t let more than a day or two pass without contact. Email, instant messenger, phone, text and even webcam will help you stay connected.


* DO spill the details

When you’re chatting, don’t be scared to include the mundane details of your day. The annoying meeting at work, the broken microwave … these things may seem dull, but they’ll make your partner feel included in your everyday life.


* DO send presents

MP3 songs or photos attached to emails, books through the post, and good old-fashioned love letters will make them feel like it’s Christmas every day. Lovers who live together don’t have such a good excuse to swap romantic parcels through the post, and they’re missing out!


* DO look to the stars

Here’s a romantic way to feel connected physically when you’re chatting on the phone. Get outside and gaze at the night sky while you talk. If you’re in the same country, you’ll be looking at the same stars, so it’ll almost feel like you’re under the same gigantic ceiling.


* DO have long-distance sex

You needn’t be a slave to sexual frustration – just be creative! Instant messenger is a brilliant long-distance sex tool. Spend an evening at your computers, slowly talking through what you’d like to be doing to each other. Follow your partner’s pace, tell them what you’re feeling… and enjoy it.


* DO warn them if you’re busy

If you’re off on a work trip, or your internet’s down, let your lover know that you won’t be in touch so much. Don’t let them become paranoid that you’ve disappeared or lost interest.


* DO visit regularly

You can be as creative as you like, but your feelings and your relationship will die if you don’t meet up frequently. If you’re in different cities, try to meet every week. If you’re in different continents, every month. Discuss your expectations about how often to meet, and enjoy the anticipation.


* DO embrace your me-time

Long-distance love may sound lonely, but it needn’t be. Many cohabiting couples crave the personal space that you take for granted. Enjoy your time alone and with friends. Your lover is on the end of the phone and can’t wait to visit you. Meanwhile you have no arguments over the bills, the loo seat or your snoring. You’ve got the best of both worlds.


>> Next Page: What NOT to do if you want your long distance relationship to last...

 

 

What not to do


* DON’T agree to see other people if you don’t want to

If your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, this is not the right relationship for you. It’ll just turn you into an insecure nervous wreck. One person’s open relationship is another person’s infidelity; be honest about what you want.


* DON’T mope about

Keep busy with work, friends and hobbies. Spending all your time pining over your distant lover will make you miserable – and it’ll bore everyone around you to tears.


* DON’T turn up unannounced

The greatest advantage of a long-distance relationship is that your time together never becomes routine. When you meet, it can be extremely exciting. Be spontaneous, but be careful about turning up out of the blue. At least give them the chance to brush their teeth and clean up the filthy kitchen before you arrive.


* DON’T get carried away by the fairytale

Unreasonable expectations are a built-in peril of long-distance relationships. While you’re apart, it’s easy to go overboard fantasising about the perfect reunion and fabulous all-night sex. Chances are it’ll be somewhat more mundane than that, especially as the months pass. Live in the moment, and enjoy the excitement when it happens.


* DON’T hang on if it’s not working

Know when to say goodbye. When the whole thing becomes more trouble and angst than it's worth, move on. Be honest with your partner rather than just losing touch, and allow them to move on too.


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10 most romantic things to do in spring

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 15 May | 10:09

Sunshine is the magic ingredient that turns a good date into a great date. It puts a smile on every face and a spring in every step – and it means you can go for a romantic walk without wrapping yourself in five layers of weatherproof padding.

Spring is packed with romantic promise, and these 10 great date ideas will help you take full advantage.

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What Wives Want

Kate Faithful | Thursday 14 May | 17:10

What do wives want? It’s not a new Mulberry handbag or a one-on-one session with Gwyneth’s personal trainer. We’ve got the answer….

A new study of over 1,000 divorced women found that 70% of divorced women claim their husbands didn’t give them enough compliments during their marriage. A further 54% complained their ex-husbands were not physically affectionate enough, said the survey by lobby group AARP.

‘What wives want is to feel loved and supported by their husbands,’ adds psychologist Christine Northam from the relationship advice charity, Relate. ‘Ultimately it is all about feeling close to your partner, but many couples don’t know how to do it.’

Read on to find out the key intimacy-sparking tips for husbands and wives. It could save your marriage…


How to give effective compliments


‘Compliments are important because positive feedback reinforces your bond,’ says Northam. ‘The confusion between the sexes occurs because men respond to indirect compliments, for example about his car, while women prefer compliments aimed directly about them, not about her clothes or her mobile. Direct compliments like, ‘You’re beautiful,’ create more intimacy.’ It’s also worth noting that research from the University of Denver in the US found that one put-down is enough to negate 20 compliments, so don’t undo your good work by making snipey asides and negative remarks. 


The secret to physical affection


Men and women favour different kinds of physical affection. ‘Women tend to like lots of cuddles and stroking because it releases natural the feelgood chemical oxytocin into the bloodstream and makes them feel adored,’ says Northam. ‘Men aren’t conditioned in the same way from childhood: boys are encouraged to rough and tumble with their friends, not hug them or hold hands with them. Men are also typically more focused on end goals, which explains why they often regard cuddling a chore to be ticked off on the route to sex. It’s important to be able to cuddle for the sake of a cuddle, not treat it as a stepping stone to sex. Practice by wrapping your arms around each other when you’re cooking dinner, sitting in the garden or walking to the shops. The more you do it, the more both of you will get out of it.’


Wives: take action


It’s no use complaining what you would have wanted from your marriage after the divorce papers are signed,’ says Northam. ‘You’ve got to work out what you need, now, because it’s unfair and impossible to expect your husband to psychically know what makes you happy. Ask yourself what makes you feel good about your relationship and think of ways you could maximise it. If it’s spending more time alone together, for example, then turn off the TV, pour two glasses of wine and talk to each other instead.’


Husbands: what do you want?


If women ask their partners what they need too, then the relationship is sure to be happier. So, ask him what he wants from the marriage. ‘Men usually say, “sex” in response to this question,’ reveals Northam. ‘That’s a crude way of looking at it. When I counsel couples, I ask men what it is about sex they like and then the true answers come through: sex is about cuddling and closeness, not just intercourse. Often the underlying problem isn’t lack of sex, it is the absence of closeness. At Relate, we found that if a wife takes more interest in her husband’s day then they will feel closer and cuddling naturally becomes part of their evening routine. Whether the couple ends up having more sex as a consequence or not is irrelevant, because the relationship is happier and men no longer complain about not getting enough sex.’


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How many people can you date at once?

Kate Faithful | Wednesday 06 May | 14:23

Smug marrieds are so over: it’s all about smug singles now. Thanks to internet dating you’re likely to have two, three or more flirtations on the go at any one time. There are so many prospective partners out there and only one of you, so the only question is, how can you fit them all in?


Make your lunch hour your love hour


Instead of glumly eating a sandwich over your keyboard, fix up a date. One click on www.lovestruck.com will locate single people who work near your office. If you don’t hit it off, you can escape quickly without feeling awkward about it. If you think your date is the greatest thing since sliced paninis, then you can say goodbye while leaving them wanting more. Plus, you’re not at risk of drinking a fifth glass of wine and embarrassing yourself with your Borat impression.



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Dinner-party dating


It’s like speed dating with benefits. You meet a whole new group of singletons for dinner, and have the opportunity to check out six or so people of the opposite sex between starters and dessert. It’s totally expected to talk to everyone, so you can keep seat-hopping until you find yourself next to someone worth having a nightcap with.
Sign up for the next dinner party at www.dinnerdates.com or www.whenthemusicstops.com


Stack ‘em up


In the same way as popular restaurants have two or three dinner sittings, it’s perfectly OK to line up a few drinks dates in one evening. Look, you’re a busy person – do you really want to waste a whole night on someone who has all the sex appeal of Max Branning from Eastenders? You need to meet someone face-to-face before you know if you really have a spark. So, arrange a quick after-work drink with #1, have a light bite to eat with #2 and ask #3 if they’re around later. A word of advice: be discreet. Then, when you meet The One, you won’t scare them off. 



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Why Women Like Bad Boys

Rebecca Garson | Tuesday 05 May | 10:43

Guys, have you ever been on the end of this classic line: “You’re a really nice guy but I am just not looking for a relationship right now…” It’s true – nice guys really do always finish last because women see them as boring as predictable. Bad boys treat women badly but still they always come up trumps.

There are loads of celeb bad boys that women lust after: Russell Brand, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Danny Dyer, Russell Crowe and P Diddy to name a few. It’s all about sex, drugs and rock n roll. The lovey dovey attitude just won’t cut it if you are trying to strike it lucky with a lady!

Check out our gallery below for the reasons why women love a bad boy!

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Online dating etiquette

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 04 May | 16:37

Online dating has changed the way we meet and flirt. New traditions, new language, whole new etiquette.

To get ahead, you need to know the new rules of engagement.

Here are our tips for online dating newbies.


Q: Writing a dating ad is too hard. Should I get my friend to do it?

A: By all means. Even if they don’t write it, it’s a good idea to ask your friends for their assessment of your dateable qualities. If they know you well, they may be able to see and articulate what you can’t.

However, don’t start the profile with: “I asked my friend to tell me why I’m a catch, and here’s what he said.” You’ll sound like a conjoined friend-twin who can’t think for him or herself.


Q: I’m really proud of my salary. Should I mention it?

A: Only if you want to be fabulously crude, or you’re actively seeking a gold-digger.


Q: I’m fresh from a break-up. Should I say so in my profile?

A: No! Keep it light and positive. Some things are best left unsaid until you’re a couple of successful dates down the line. These subjects include your ex, your nervous breakdown, your criminal record or your fungal infection. Even if it’s cleared up.


Q: Everyone lies about their age, right?

A: Surprisingly few do, because they know it’s a pointless strategy. If you meet someone you like, and they discover that you’ve lied, they’ll wonder what else you’ve been fibbing about.


Q: How many photos should I post?

A: More than one (people will think it’s the only decent photo of you in existence), but no more than five (people will think you’re conceited).


Q: Can I post a photo of myself with my shirt off?

A: Whether you’re a man or a woman, a photo with your shirt off makes you look desperate and/or only interested in finding someone who’ll leave before breakfast.


Q: I can’t think of anything to say in an email. Should I just wink at people?

A: Not if it’s your first contact with them. Your aim is to stand out from the crowd – and to look as though you’ve actually read their profile.


Q: Should I send a list of questions about their profile?

A: No, you’re not an interviewer. Drop them a note to say hello, and mention one or two points in their profile that intrigued you. Weave in some questions naturally when (and if) you get a correspondence going.


Q: Is it OK to write to lots of people at once?

A: Of course. You’re not going out with them yet. However, don’t send the same email to lots of people at once. You’re supposed to be interested in them and their profiles, not spamming everyone with junk mail saying “hi, you’re great and I’m available.”


Q: I emailed someone and they never wrote back. Did I offend them?

A: No, they just weren’t interested. Do you really want to get an email that says “thanks but no thanks”?


Q: How long should I keep someone waiting before I reply to their email? Three days, a week?

A: No! Reply within a day or two. Online dating moves fast, and there’s lots of competition. Don’t be over-keen and fire back an email within minutes, but don’t play hard to get either. You won’t “keep them keen,” you’ll make them find someone else to date.


Q: I’ve started swapping emails with someone. How often should I email them?

A: Take your cue from them. If they reply to you quickly, then you’re free to reply to them quickly. If they take a day or two to reply, play it more cool.


Q: They stopped writing to me. Should I keep writing to them?

A: No. If someone stops writing, they lost interest or met someone. Take it on the chin.


Q: Can I use smileys and text abbreviations in an email?

A: If that’s what you normally do, go ahead – it’s the real you. But as a rule of thumb, avoid too many smileys and steer clear of TXT SPK or capitalised words, or you’ll come across like a shouty 13-year-old.


Q: Someone wrote to me and I’m not interested. Should I block them?

A: No. The ‘block’ feature on most dating websites is only to be used if someone is bothering you. It’s very rude to block them simply because you don’t fancy them.


Q: We’ve been emailing each other for a few weeks. Is it too soon to ask for a date?

A: On the contrary, it may be too late. Don’t allow an email conversation to drag on for weeks without a date. You can’t judge chemistry unless you meet up, so you may be wasting each other’s time. Six emails in total is enough to know whether you want a date.


Q: We had a couple of dates and I’m not that into him. Can I dump him by email?

A: Yes, but only if you’ve gone out once or twice. If you've been out several times, you must deliver the break-up face to face.


Q: How long after meeting someone should I take my profile down?

A: If you’ve had a couple of dates and things are going well, you should both take your profiles off the active list. You don't have to delete your profile or cancel your membership, but de-activating tells your date that you want to continue seeing them.

Once you consider yourselves to be boyfriend and girlfriend, you must delete that profile. Keeping it there “just in case” is very unfair to your new lover, and they’d be justifiably upset if they found out.


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Marriage: how soon is too soon?

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 27 April | 09:39

Is saying “I do” to someone you’ve known for less than a year fabulously romantic or a bit daft?

Let’s look at the evidence. On the one hand there’s Peaches Geldof and Max Drummey (married after a month of dating; split six months later), Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney (married after four months, split six months later) and Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd (married after six months, split nine months later).

Romantic or what?

Then you’ve got David and Victoria Beckham, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith and Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. All these couples dated for two and a half years before getting hitched, and they’re still going strong.


The marriage timing recipe

There’s nothing magic about two and a half years. Timing your wedding is not like cooking a Sunday roast. If it were, Delia Smith would have branched out long ago. “Place together and leave to marinate for two and a half years. Transfer to the altar, then leave to cool.”

But it was a wise (or divorced) person who said: “marry in haste, repent at leisure.” Many ex-couples rushed to the register office (or church, or beach, or Vegas hotel) in a daze of romance and lust, only to wake up six months later and find that they’re not compatible.

If you’re in such a rush to get married, why? If it’s because you like the idea of getting hitched while you’re still bathed in the rosy glow of new love, you’re insane. You’ve got nothing to lose by waiting, and everything to gain. It’s only when the glow fades that you know whether this one is for keeps.

>> Next page: Love is...patience

 

Love is… patience

If you really want to show someone that you love them, agree to wait a couple of years before getting married.

Showing that you can wait is proof to your partner that you’re happy to stick with them for as long as it takes. You’re not just in it for show, or for the thrill of a wedding.

It’s like waiting a few months before saying “I love you.” If you can’t resist blurting it out on date number three, you sound about as sincere as Miss World pleading for world peace. What’s really romantic is waiting six months before you say “I love you.”

Waiting this long shows that you really mean it, and that it’s not a thing you take lightly. Your partner knows that you’ve really thought about it, and that you really mean it. This “I love you” is not the product of lust, novelty or excitement; it’s true and honest.

Likewise, waiting until you propose or marry shows that you really mean it – and that you genuinely want to spend you life with someone whom you’ve seen at their worst as well as at their best. That’s true love.

>> Next page: Signs that it's too soon to get married

{pagrebreak}

 

Two big signs that it’s too soon to get married


1. You can’t stop thinking about your lover

Great – you’re infatuated, obsessed and high as a kite. That’s lovely, but it’s no reason to get married.

At this stage of a relationship, you are essentially on drugs. Your body and brain are swilling with hormones triggered by the thrill of falling in love.

Like all druggy kicks, it’ll wear off. That doesn’t mean you’re falling out of love, it means you’re moving into a long-term phase when you can make rational judgements about your long-term future. Only then can you know that you’re ready for marriage.


2. You think your lover is perfect

Nobody’s perfect. You can’t marry someone that you don’t know well enough to see their faults – you’d be committing your life to a fantasy.

When reality bites, and their “cute” tics start to irritate you, the disappointment can be devastating. You only know that you’re in love for the long haul if you adore your partner despite knowing all their flaws.

>> Next page: Three things to do before saying “I do”

 

Three things to do before saying “I do”


1. Make sure it’s what you both really want

It seems obvious, but it’s all too easy to drift to M-day on a wave of wedding lists, invitations and ring-shopping without really considering the mammoth thing you’re doing.

You are promising to wake up next to the same person for the rest of your life. You will never date anyone else again. Your decisions are now joint decisions. Getting divorced is hideously difficult.

Examine your motives. Don’t get married because you think it’s expected, either by your partner or your family. Don’t do it because you’re lonely: being unhappily married is infinitely more lonely than being single. And definitely don’t do it to save on rent!

Finally, never be bulldozered or sweet-talked into it by a partner who stands to gain more than you do.


2. Keep your friends close

You and your intended may be best friends as well as lovers, but your relationship and sanity will benefit if you have separate friends too.

Don’t make a fuss if your other half wants to go out or have friends over for dinner – you’re not their prison guard.


3. Get flexible

You must be flexible about where you live. If your partner has to be in a certain location for his or her work, but you can work from anywhere, then live where their work takes them.

Also prepare to adapt your behaviour. You may be used to **** and burping your way around your own home, but that kind of thing isn’t conducive to a harmonious live-in partnership, let alone a good sex life.

Marriage means compromising with your partner’s habits. If you're a neat freak and they’re messy, or you’re an early bird and they’re a night owl, try to embrace your differences or meet in the middle.

If you’re already comfortable with compromise and change for the sake of making your relationship work, you may just be ready to take the plunge.
 

Good luck!


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Why football is better than foreplay

Kate Faithful | Friday 24 April | 16:45

Hands on hearts, most men will tell you football is better than foreplay. Unless their girlfriends are standing within earshot, of course, or happen to be even bigger fans themselves.

New research on the behaviour of football fans proves the game has a surprising amount in common with foreplay, so we can compare the two.

Check out our gallery below to find out the reasons why football is better than foreplay…

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Why men love porn

Kate Faithful | Friday 24 April | 11:29

Love it or hate it, porn is a part of adult life.

It might not be a hobby men list on their CVs, but it’s definitely something 99% of the male species indulge in.

With that in mind, we asked real men to confess exactly what the real appeal of pornography is.

Are you brave enough to find out?…If so, check out our gallery below!

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Dating after Divorce

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 24 April | 09:36

Madonna and Guy Ritchie didn’t waste much time. Since their divorce in October, Guy’s been seen with Jemima Khan and Elle McPherson, while Madonna been linked to baseball player Alex ‘A-Rod’ Rodriguez and 22-year-old model Jesus Luz.

Most of us don’t find it quite so easy. Breaking up is not only hard to do, it can be disorientating and scary.

Before you rush out and grab the first half-decent looker who catches your eye, make sure you’re ready. Leaping aboard the dating rollercoaster too soon could mean another dose of heartache. Here’s how to get it right.

What to do


* DO take time to mourn your loss

The end of a long relationship is like a bereavement. And as with any other bereavement, you need time to mourn it.

You’ll go through all sorts of emotions including denial, anger and guilt. The strength of these emotions may surprise you, especially if you were the one to walk away.

Get it out of your system. Cry, talk to friends and be assured that this rough stage will pass. One day you’ll wake up and realise that you’re actually OK.


* DO embrace your single status

Now you can enjoy the advantages of being single. You get to decide when, where and with whom you go out – and when to stay in with the telly and a cup of tea. You no longer have to worry about where your relationship’s going or how to deal with all that conflict.

Forget about meeting someone new for now, and enjoy your freedom.


* DO focus on other things

Your self-esteem may not feel up to much, but there are ways to keep it afloat other than through a relationship. Look to work, hobbies and friends for ways to keep busy and feel good about yourself.

Unsurprisingly, Madonna threw herself into work after divorcing Guy. She described her schedule as “a distraction that keeps me going. It would be horrible if I was just thinking about getting a divorce and had nothing to do.”


* DO have a social life

You may feel like a social outcast when you’re newly single, partly because you’re so used to socialising with other couples.

You now have a fantastic opportunity to experience the “me me me” social life of a single person. Meet new people, indulge in your hobbies and even travel the world. But don’t turn it into a search for a new mate yet.


* DO practice flirting

Flirting is not a magic power, it’s just talking to people. Socialising with friends is the best practice you can get.

Getting a date is as simple as falling into conversation with someone, finding that you click, staying in touch and deciding to meet up again.

Of course the are more proactive ways, such as online dating, so try it. It’s a rich seam of potential partners – more than 8 million UK single adults are currently using the net to find a partner.


* DO ask your friends if you’re ready for dating

It’s not easy to tell when you’re ready for a fling or a new relationship. If in doubt, ask your friends or family. If they’ve noticed (gratefully) that you’ve stop banging on about your ex, you’re ready to get flirting.


>> Next Page: What Not To Do

 

What not to do


* DON’T get wrapped up in feelings of failure

Walking away from an unhappy relationship takes courage. Separation is a complicated business, and it’s rarely one person’s “fault”. So don’t get into thinking you’ve failed.

But that’s easier said than done. It’s inevitable that you’ll feel down on yourself after a divorce, and you need to get through this stage before starting a new relationship.


* DON’T mistake a rebound fling for the real thing

There’s nothing like new romance to cure a broken heart, but don’t assume that passion means love.

Rebound flings are fine, as long as you recognise what they are. Enjoy the sex, the attention and the togetherness without worrying about “making it work”.


* DON’T discuss your ex

When you start going out on dates, don’t even think of mentioning your divorce or your ex until there are signs that you and your companion might continue seeing each other.

Talking about your past tells a new lover that you haven’t moved on, so they’ll probably think that you’re wasting their time.


* DON’T turn your dating into revenge

Trying to make your ex jealous by finding someone new, or getting revenge by dating one of their friends, is at best undignified. At worst, it’ll make your recovery far more difficult.

Your ex is your ex, so let them go. Stop letting your feeling for them dictate your romantic future. You’re in control now.


* DON’T be surprised when the ex finds new love

If you hear that your ex is in a new relationship, the news may be hard to take – even if you instigated the break-up and are also dating someone new.

It’s a perfectly normal reaction, and it doesn’t mean that you want to them back. This is the person who loved you for years, and now they love someone else. That’s a harsh thing for any ego to take.

The only productive response is take the news with good grace. Your relationship ended for a reason, and now you have the chance to be even happier – either on your own or with a new partner.


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• 10 tell-tale signs that your ex wants you back

10 tell-tale signs that your ex wants you back

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 20 April | 09:59

Don’t you just love it when celebs get back together?

Reunited Gavin & Stacey stars James Corden and Sheridan Smith are giving new meaning to “aww,” while the reconciliation of Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson has triggered much joyous frothing on the celeb blogs.

But winning your ex back is a complicated matter. You can’t just camp out on their doorstep with a rose between your teeth and hope for the best. First, you need a pretty good idea that they want you back.

Don’t ring up and ask them – that’s far too likely to end in tears. Instead, do your detective work. If you spot more than a few of these 10 signs in your ex, it’s a fair bet that they want another chance.

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• Dress for springtime dating success

Dress for springtime dating success

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 20 April | 09:37

You can keep your cosy winter walks and your fireside snuggles: spring is the most romantic time of year.

The sunshine, flowers and longer days turn us all from miserable chilblain-scratchers into smiling springtime bunnies, and smiling springtime bunnies get all the dates.

It’s infinitely easier to pull in spring. All those blokes who spent winter indoors with their games consoles and takeaway pizzas are now out of hiding and looking for someone to play with.

But the weather won’t do all the pulling for you. You need to work your date conversation, get your body language right – and wrap that body in the right clothes. Here’s how.

Why pulling is a fashion matter

Beauty is, of course, more than frock-deep. But try telling that to a man who’s programmed to seek out the fittest-looking fillies in his map reference.

If you’re still schlepping about in your unwashed tracky bottoms and a fleece that should have gone to landfill in 1998, you’ll never get the chance to wow him with your fantastic personality and amazing sex tricks. He’ll be too busy chatting up that girl who’s dressed to kill in the latest asymmetric spring florals.

>> Next page: What’s hot for spring/summer 2009

 

What’s hot for spring/summer 2009

According to Vogue, fashion-forward dressers are sporting bright blocky colours, peaked shoulders and jumpsuits. Chuck in some flowery patterns, and you’re spring/summer 2009 in one untidy package.

Our advice is to treat these trends carefully, unless you’re looking to pull a gay man or a fashion editor. Use trends for inspiration, but don’t get so distracted by them that you forget to notice what actually suits you (and what doesn’t).

If you’ve got a hot first date tonight, don’t rush out and splash the plastic on a brand new outfit just because you saw Alexa Chung wearing something like it in the front row at Takashi Murakami. It won’t make you look like Alexa Chung, and it may make you look silly and feel uncomfortable, especially if you forget to take the tags out first.

>> Next page: Fashion-hot and date-hot: what’s the difference

 

Fashion-hot and date-hot: what’s the difference?

It’s nice to be fashionable, but when you’re on a date or on the pull it’s more important to look good.

You probably have a pretty good idea already of what suits you. Gold lame pedal pushers may be very “now”, but if you’re 4’11” and can’t get your bum into a cinema seat, they may not be your most flattering choice. The key is to draw upon what you see in the mags and fashion store windows, and pick n’ mix the bits that work well on you.

If in doubt, ask a trusted friend to help you choose your date outfit. If she tells you to wear those gold lame pedal pushers, beware of sabotage: she probably fancies the same bloke you’re after.

>> Next page: Don’t try to be someone you’re not

 

Don’t try to be someone you’re not

Dress to impress, but don’t dress in a way that you never normally would. When your clothes clash with your personality, you don’t feel comfortable. And when you aren’t comfortable, you aren’t confident or relaxed – and you won’t be much cop as a date companion.

What you wear says a lot about the kind of person you are, so dressing up as someone you’re not gives the wrong impression to the man you’re trying to attract. You want him to fancy the real you, so don’t be afraid to dress like the real you.

Once you start seeing a man regularly, don’t let him “mould” your look to please him. His your lover, not your school uniform supplier.

>> Next page: Dress to suit the occasion

 

Dress to suit the occasion

An outfit that’d make you feel and look amazing in a restaurant may look odd in a nightclub, and vice versa. If you don’t know where you’re headed for the evening, keep your look neutral and comfortable: not too dressy and not too dressed-down.

And forgive us for seeming to contradict ourselves, but it may also help to match your style with your man’s style. It’s not about not being yourself, it’s about using subtle style-matching to secure his attention. For example if he’s a jeans-and-T-shirt type, he won’t feel comfortable if you turn up straight from work in your Armani trouser suit.

It’s a bit like mirroring his body language: it helps to make him think you’re connecting.

>> Next page: Leave something to the imagination

 

Leave something to the imagination

You may have the finest set of boobs or thighs within a five-mile radius, but that’s for your new man to find out when you’re alone together.

Don’t take the arrival of warm weather too literally and flash as much flesh as you can without getting arrested. If you let it all hang out on a date, the bloke won’t think you’ve dressed for him, but for any passing chap who fancies a look. Besides, goosebumps aren’t sexy. It’s not July yet.

Apply even more wrapping when meeting your new lover’s parents. To his mum and dad, your cleavage, shoulders and knees are throbbing erogenous zones and they don’t want to see them. Ever.
 

>>Next page: Easy on the slap and smellies

Easy on the slap and smellies

Lashings of lippy and enough foundation to float a yacht are just about excusable in the deep midwinter, when the lights are low and everyone’s too full of festive booze to notice.

But in spring, when you’re sharing a romantic pint in a pub garden, a trowelling of make-up will turn him off quicker than you can say “Jodie Marsh”.

Strong perfume is another no-no. He won’t want to move in for a snog if it means he might choke on your synthetic smellies.
 

>>Next page: Love your layers

 

Love your layers

The downside of all this spring sunshine is that it rarely comes without a bit of rain on the side. And gusty wind, and maybe even a hailstone here and there. So if you want to be comfortable and relaxed on a date, be prepared.

Layers are the answer. It’s about putting pieces together in a quirky-but-practical way: a jacket with cropped sleeves over a long-sleeved blouse, or a long-sleeved T-shirt under a short-sleeved jumper. If that’s too “fashiony” for you, try a plain T-shirt under a floral blouse under a light blazer. If you get him home, undressing will be so much fun.

There are other ways to insure against wardrobe malfunctions. Stick a couple of plasters in your bag to protect against rubbing shoes, and some clear nail varnish for snags in your tights. They could rescue your dignity just when you need it the most.


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• How to cope with a violent partner

How to cope with a violent partner

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 17 April | 10:36

Domestic violence is not a sexy subject, no matter how many celebrity headlines it creates – whether it’s Rihanna’s horrific injuries or Keira Knightley’s latest role.

In Keira’s case, the bruises are mercifully fake. Her new cinema ad for Women's Aid is intended to raise awareness of a problem that affects one in four British women at some point in their lives, and kills two every week.

In Rihanna’s case, the bruises are all too real. Her boyfriend Chris Brown is currently on bail after pleading not guilty to assault. According to a police affidavit, Brown shoved the singer’s head against a car window, punched her in the face, bit her ear and finger, put her into a headlock and told her: “I’m going to kill you.”

Most domestic violence is less physically brutal than that suffered by Rihanna, or by Keira’s screen character, but it’s no less serious. It can involve verbal threats, casual slapping or sexual bullying. It comes in many forms, and none of them is excusable.

If you or someone you know is affected by violence in a relationship, read on for advice on how to deal with it.


Are you in an abusive relationship?


You can’t tell an abuser from looking at him. Violent men don’t walk around with badges saying “I bully women”. A man can be polite and charismatic one minute, and terrifyingly aggressive the next.

It takes courage to recognise that you’re in an abusive relationship, especially if your injuries aren’t as dramatic as Rihanna’s. If your abuser is an emotional bully, you may have no physical bruises at all – but that doesn’t make him any less abusive.

According to a recent campaign by the charity Refuge, there are many subtle early warning signs that a man has abusive tendencies. Here are some to look out for:

* You feel that you have to walk on eggshells to avoid making him angry.
* He stops you from seeing family and friends.
* He is constantly critical, for example of your housekeeping or parenting.
* He puts you down or makes fun of you in public.
* He is excessively jealous and possessive.
* He is sexually demanding, or says that you’re “frigid”.
* He tells you what to wear or that you’re too fat.
* He tells you what to think.
* He controls your money.
* He threatens to commit suicide, take the children away, report you to welfare agencies and so on if you fail to do what he wants.

>> Next page: Can you leave?

 

Can you leave?

One of the commonest responses to stories of domestic abuse is “well, she can just leave.” As women in these situations know, it’s rarely that simple.

There are many practical, social and emotional pressures that seem to conspire against you making a break from freedom. First, your confidence is at rock bottom. After you’ve spent months or years living with someone who tells you that you’re worthless, you don’t have much faith in your ability to live on your own, let alone find a new partner.

Leaving a violent man can also look like a scary prospect. Even if he hasn’t filled your head with threats like “I will track you down and you’ll be sorry,” you’ve almost certainly imagined them.

What’s more, you may be financially dependent on your abuser, especially if you’ve had kids with him and given up your job to raise them. Staying with a bully may seem marginally more attractive than facing life as a single mum.

>> Next page: How to break free

 

How to break free


Breaking away may seem impossible, but you really do have choices. You owe yourself (and your children, of you have them) a life that’s worth living. Leaving and adjusting may be hard, but once you’ve moved on you will be very glad that you did.

There is plenty of legal and financial protection available for women who are fleeing an abusive relationship. You have a legal right to gain orders for your abuser to stay away from you, to make arrangements regarding to your children and to enforce your housing rights. You’ll usually need a solicitor to organise these things, but you can get legal aid to cover the fees.

The National Domestic Violence Helpline, run jointly by Women's Aid and Refuge, has a free confidential 24-hour helpline where you can get advice on legal aid, solicitors, benefits, accommodation and other matters. They’re extremely experienced and will know how to help, whatever your concern. Call them on 0808 2000 247.

>> Next page: If you want to stay with them

 

If you want to stay with them


Another thing that people fail to realise when they ask “can’t she just leave?” is that many victims are deeply in love with their abusers.

Perhaps your partner has experienced trauma, depression or addiction that’s manifested itself in bullying behaviour. Perhaps you’re convinced that he’ll change.

Whatever the reason, there are two things to remember: it’s never, ever your fault, and there are ways to feel safer and more in control if you’re determined to stay:

* If possible, tell a neighbour about your situation and ask them to call the police if they hear suspicious noises.

* Try to save some money in a bank account that's in your name only.

* Have an emergency plan in case you have to leave in a hurry. Make a list of numbers for an emergency, and always carry it with you. If you have children, teach them how and whom to phone for help.

* Avoid getting pregnant if your relationship is very volatile. Having a baby will not “cure” your partner of his moods, it may make your situation far worse – and you may endanger your baby’s life.

* Look after yourself. Find some me-time when you can, whether it’s having a bath or going for a walk in the park. Try to eat and sleep properly, because being physically healthy will affect the way you cope with stress.

>> Next page: Where to go for help

 

Where to go for help


Don’t feel ashamed about your abuse. You are not to blame, and isolating yourself will only make it harder to reach out for help. There are many people and organisations you can turn to for support.

Make a note of these free numbers. The people on the other end of the line are there to help you, whatever your question.

* National Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247

* Shelterline: 0808 800 4444

* Samaritans: 08457 90 90 90

* Victim Support Line: 0845 30 30 900


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Your top 20 first-date hates

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 13 April | 09:40

You've fancied this person for ages and they finally ask you out. Hurrah!

However, your first date doesn't quite go according to plan.

We have compiled a gallery of 20 first-date hates according to what real-life daters told us:

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Online Dating Etiquette

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 13 April | 09:30

Online dating has changed the way we meet and flirt. New traditions, new language, whole new etiquette. To get ahead, you need to know the new rules of engagement. Here are our tips for online dating newbies. 

Q: Writing a dating ad is too hard. Should I get my friend to do it?

A: By all means. Even if they don’t write it, it’s a good idea to ask your friends for their assessment of your dateable qualities. If they know you well, they may be able to see and articulate what you can’t.

However, don’t start the profile with: “I asked my friend to tell me why I’m a catch, and here’s what he said.” You’ll sound like a conjoined friend-twin who can’t think for him or herself.

Q: I’m really proud of my salary. Should I mention it?

A: Only if you want to be fabulously crude, or you’re actively seeking a gold-digger.

Q: I’m fresh from a break-up. Should I say so in my profile?

A: No! Keep it light and positive. Some things are best left unsaid until you’re a couple of successful dates down the line. These subjects include your ex, your nervous breakdown, your criminal record or your fungal infection. Even if it’s cleared up.

Q: Everyone lies about their age, right?

A: Surprisingly few do, because they know it’s a pointless strategy. If you meet someone you like, and they discover that you’ve lied, they’ll wonder what else you’ve been fibbing about.

Q: How many photos should I post?

A: More than one (people will think it’s the only decent photo of you in existence), but no more than five (people will think you’re conceited).

Q: Can I post a photo of myself with my shirt off?

A: Whether you’re a man or a woman, a photo with your shirt off makes you look desperate and/or only interested in finding someone who’ll leave before breakfast.

Q: I can’t think of anything to say in an email. Should I just wink at people?

A: Not if it’s your first contact with them. Your aim is to stand out from the crowd – and to look as though you’ve actually read their profile.

Q: Should I send a list of questions about their profile?

A: No, you’re not an interviewer. Drop them a note to say hello, and mention one or two points in their profile that intrigued you. Weave in some questions naturally when (and if) you get a correspondence going.

Q: Is it OK to write to lots of people at once?

A: Of course. You’re not going out with them yet. However, don’t send the same email to lots of people at once. You’re supposed to be interested in them and their profiles, not spamming everyone with junk mail saying “hi, you’re great and I’m available.”

Q: I emailed someone and they never wrote back. Did I offend them?

A: No, they just weren’t interested. Do you really want to get an email that says “thanks but no thanks”?

Q: How long should I keep someone waiting before I reply to their email? Three days, a week?

A: No! Reply within a day or two. Online dating moves fast, and there’s lots of competition. Don’t be over-keen and fire back an email within minutes, but don’t play hard to get either. You won’t “keep them keen,” you’ll make them find someone else to date.

Q: I’ve started swapping emails with someone. How often should I email them?

A: Take your cue from them. If they reply to you quickly, then you’re free to reply to them quickly. If they take a day or two to reply, play it more cool.

Q: They stopped writing to me. Should I keep writing to them?

A: No. If someone stops writing, they lost interest or met someone. Take it on the chin.

Q: Can I use smileys and text abbreviations in an email?

A: If that’s what you normally do, go ahead – it’s the real you. But as a rule of thumb, avoid too many smileys and steer clear of TXT SPK or capitalised words, or you’ll come across like a shouty 13-year-old.

Q: Someone wrote to me and I’m not interested. Should I block them?

A: No. The ‘block’ feature on most dating websites is only to be used if someone is bothering you. It’s very rude to block them simply because you don’t fancy them.

Q: We’ve been emailing each other for a few weeks. Is it too soon to ask for a date?

A: On the contrary, it may be too late. Don’t allow an email conversation to drag on for weeks without a date. You can’t judge chemistry unless you meet up, so you may be wasting each other’s time. Six emails in total is enough to know whether you want a date.

Q: We had a couple of dates and I’m not that into him. Can I dump him by email?

A: Yes, but only if you’ve gone out once or twice. If you've been out several times, you must deliver the break-up face to face.

Q: How long after meeting someone should I take my profile down?

A: If you’ve had a couple of dates and things are going well, you should both take your profiles off the active list. You don't have to delete your profile or cancel your membership, but de-activating tells your date that you want to continue seeing them.

Once you consider yourselves to be boyfriend and girlfriend, you must delete that profile. Keeping it there “just in case” is very unfair to your new lover, and they’d be justifiably upset if they found out.

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• Where To Find The World’s Hottest Women

Where To Find The World’s Hottest Women

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 09 April | 11:24

Lads if you are looking to land yourself a seriously hot woman then look no further.

Check out our gallery below for the top ten countries where you will find some seriously top totty.

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• Your top 20 deal-breakers

Your top 20 deal-breakers

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 06 April | 08:08

If you want to steal Jennifer Aniston away from her on/off love puppet John Mayer, shave your back. The actress has revealed that a hairy back is her number one “deal-breaker” in a potential partner.

Happily for gorillas everywhere, most mere mortals aren’t so bothered by hairy backs. Body odour, mad manners and tight-fistedness were mentioned far more often in our poll of dating turn-offs.

Browse our gallery to find out your biggest deal-breakers.


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• Which Hollywood couple are you?

Which Hollywood couple are you?

Jane Hoskyn | Saturday 04 April | 08:16

Are you a polished double act like Brad n’ Angelina, or an on-again-off-again boomerang couple like Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer? And what does it say about your relationship? Take our Hollywood couples quiz to find out!


1. How was your first date?

a. After half an hour you knew you’d marry them.
b. The conversation was intense and intelligent, the sexual tension was volcanic, and you couldn’t walk for a week.
c. Surprising. You really clicked - unexpectedly.
d. You fancied the pants off them, but you weren’t sure whether they’d call the next day. Luckily, they did.


2. When did you introduce your other half to friends and family?

a. Immediately after your first date, you rang them all to say that you’d met the love of your life.
b. You waited a couple of months. You both have a bit (well, a lot) of baggage.
c. You waited several weeks. You’re not an obvious match, and you weren’t sure how people would react.
d. Pretty quickly. You wanted them to see you happy.


3. What’s the last thing you argued about?

a. You never argue. You’re too happy.
b. You had a passionate row about their decision to fly to a work conference (carbon footprint, you see). But the make-up sex was explosive.
c. The usual stuff about household bills. You never stay angry for long.
d. Who they slept with during your last split.


4. What did they give you for Christmas?

a. A surprise holiday to a destination you’ve always dreamed of visiting.
b. A piece of art they’d been working on for months.
c. A bike that you really wanted.
d. A watch. They gave it to you in January, because you weren’t together over Christmas.


5. It’s 11am on a Saturday morning. What are you likely to be doing together?

a. Cycling through a local park, laughing and flirting. (With each other.)
b. Making babies.
c. Making breakfast.
d. Having sex – but only if you’d shared a bed the night before, and you don’t always.


6. How often do you socialise as a couple?

a. You love to throw dinner parties for your coupled-up friends, but you’re even happier when you’re alone together.
b. Once a week. You spend an increasing amount of time at home.
c. Often. You’re a sociable pair and you get on very well with each other’s nearest and dearest.
d. Occasionally. You’re quite independent and have lots of separate friends.


7. Where do you see yourselves as a couple in 10 years’ time?

a. Bringing up your kids, and still laughing and kissing.
b. Bringing up your kids and working hard together.
c. Still happy and helping each other through life’s ups and downs.
d. You don’t even know whether you’ll be a couple in six months, let alone 10 years.


8. Your ex turns up begging for a reconciliation. You…

a. Invite them in for lunch with you and your gorgeous beloved.
b. Ignore them.
c. Send them away. Why would you consider anything else?
d. Send the ex away, but can’t stop thinking about them.


9. When did you last jet off for a weekend break together?

a. You’re there now, having your toes sucked and feeling the sun on your face.
b. You don’t do weekend breaks. You prefer to live abroad for weeks at a time, soaking up the local culture.
c. A few months ago. About time for another one.
d. After your post-Christmas reconciliation.


10. Do you think your partner has ever been unfaithful?

a. Don’t be daft.
b. You’d be surprised if they found the time, but you wouldn’t rule it out. Humans probably aren’t meant to be monogamous.
c. No. Why would they go elsewhere when they’ve got you?
d. Yes, but you were on a break, so it doesn’t count. Or does it?

Go to the next page to find out which Hollywood couple you are most like:

 

 

What your answers mean…



Mostly A: You’re Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Ain’t love grand? You clearly think so, because you won’t stop banging on about it. Some might call you smug; we couldn’t possibly comment. Your friends only have so much tolerance for your bragging about your “amazing” other half, especially when you break their sofas in your excitement. Still, you’re too in love to care.



Mostly B: You’re Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

You’re a polished, professional double act with a long-term vision for your relationship. You’ve both got enough baggage to know that nothing lasts forever, but together you’re giving it a darned good try. You want it all: babies, scorching sex, careers, looks, money… and with your joint determination, you may just succeed.




Mostly C: You’re Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher

When you got together, most thought you were suited only to a fling. You seemed too mismatched to go the distance. But you’ve proved that surface issues like age and background are not important when two people discover a genuine compatibility. Long may you continue to love and support each other.


Mostly D: You’re Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer

One minute you’re on, the next minute you’re off. Lately you can’t keep your hands off each other, but will it be splitsville again next week? Your relationship is tempestuous, but you keep coming back for more. Good luck to you. You’ve been hurt in the past, so a casual relationship with an exciting partner may be just what you need.



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• Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

Rebecca Garson | Friday 03 April | 08:34

If you ask most men they will tell you that sex is better than chocolate. All women know chocolate is better than sex. The only way to completely satisfy both sexes is to combine the two!

Check out our gallery below for why chocolate is most definitely better than sex.


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• Beauty or Brains?

Beauty or Brains?

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 02 April | 15:06

So are brains more important than beauty or does beauty beat brains? Would you rather your partner could cite Pi to ten decimal places or look good in swimwear? That old conundrum!

Britain’s Got Talent superstar, 47-year-old Susan Boyle is generating amazing hype and is a perfect example of why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. People laughed at her when she walked on stage in her 1920s-style dress and grey roots. But the moment she sang, her beauty shone through and people can’t stop talking about her. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and Susan Boyle has shown us that beauty comes from within. You don’t have to be a supermodel; you just have to have soul.

Unfortunately however, not many people can see things this way. According to a survey by OnePoll it would seem that men most definitely go for beauty with more than 50% saying that they would prefer dating a knockout than ugly, smart women.

So why is beauty more important to guys? Because having a sexy lady on your arm means you look good in front of your mates, the poll revealed. 

Also according to the poll, almost 80% find a clever girl intimidating.

Now can you guess how the women responded?

Three quarters of those polled said brains were way more important because a man who is too attractive is most probably vain. If a man has brains it means that they will be able to take care of them.

However, one in ten said she would rather go for looks because the “sex would be better.”

So women may think this about men but what do they think about themselves? A poll carried out by US television network Oxygen revealed that 25% of those questioned would rather win "America's Next Top Model" than the Nobel Peace Prize, showing how important a woman’s self image is to her.

In an interview with the Telegraph a OnePoll spokesman said: “"It's only natural people go on first impressions but going on a hot date with a supermodel can only get you so far.” He added: “"Although it's worrying that we don't seem to appreciate people's intelligence. If someone is exceptionally bright then it should be congratulated - we shouldn't criticise them for not being attractive."

Women need to start seeing the value and beauty in themselves. Looks are not everything. A happy and beautiful soul are what people fall in love with. Looks may attract people initially but they won't keep a realtionship alive. We can only hope that more Susan Boyle’s appear on our television sets and make the headlines. Perhaps then, people will start opening their eyes and look further than a pair of big breasts and long legs.



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• Top Ten Sex Tips for Men

Top Ten Sex Tips for Men

Rebecca Garson | Wednesday 01 April | 11:06

When it comes to love making women have high expectations.

So if you’re worried that you won’t hit the spot with your partner, don’t be. With these top tips your lover will be more than satisfied and start calling you Casanova!


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• 12 bad first-date habits to ditch

12 bad first-date habits to ditch

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 30 March | 14:15

Could your bad dating habits be sabotaging your love life?

If you’re always late to meet people or can’t stay off the garlic, your technique may need an overhaul.

Ditch these 12 first-date saboteurs and boost your dating success.


1. Calling too soon after the date

No matter how great an evening you had, and no matter how much they seemed to like you too, do not dial that number on your way home. You’ll seem needy and clingy and all sorts of other unsexy things.

A text to say “I had a great evening” on your way home is plenty to keep the ball rolling. Then build on the date’s success by giving your companion a chance to look forward to hearing from you. Don’t call until the evening after you parted ways.


2. Not calling at all after a date

A pinch of “treat ‘em mean” really does help to keep ‘em keen, since it stops you looking needy. But if you start acting cool and aloof, and refuse to call them until they call you first, your chances of another date will vanish up your own self-important bottom.

The secret of success is to show focused interest in your companion. If you really like them and want to continue seeing them, don’t pretend otherwise.


3. Trying too hard with make-up or smellies

The natural look is much more appealing than a trowelling of slap. Some concealer and a bit of mascara is all you need to improve your looks. Too much make-up makes you look desperate, and that’s never a good look when you’re trying to impress.

Also go easy on the aftershave or perfume. You’re not sexy when you’re gassing your companion.


4. Turning up late

It’s fine to run five minutes late, as long as you text to let them know. It’s almost more polite than being on time, because it gives your date a chance to catch their breath.

However, if you’re in the habit out of turning up 10 or more minutes late without letting people know, you’re strangling all your dates at birth. By the time you arrive, your companions are stressed and irritable – and you look rude before you’ve even uttered a word.


5. Being a slave to your mobile

Answering your mobile is one of the rudest things you can do on a first date. Your companion will sit there feeling less and less important with every word you bark into your phone. Don’t be one of those mobile monsters: switch the thing off when the date starts.


6. Taking your dates to your local

Don’t take all your dates to the same place, especially if it’s a place where you’re likely to be accosted by friends and exes. The best date venues are on neutral turf, where you can both feel equally comfortable.


7. Mentioning your ex

This is the classic date-spoiler, but many of us do it habitually and unconsciously. It’s hard not to mention someone whom you were with for years and who plays a walk-on part in all your anecdotes.

But the ex-namecheck is a habit that must be broken if you’re to impress a date. Even a passing mention of your ex suggests that you haven’t moved on.


8. Being stingy

A subtle dance of gender politics goes on when the bill arrives on a first date. A bloke who doesn’t offer to pay will have a few brownie points deducted in the eyes of even the most modern woman – but she’ll fail to impress if she doesn’t at least offer to go halves.


9. Moaning about work

You’ve had the day from hell in the office, where you hate your boss and your boss hates you. Moan about it to your mates in the pub after work, not to the person you’re meeting for a first date. Boring whingers do not make for great date companions.

During early dates, keep the chatter light and informal. Don’t get bogged down in the horrors of work or politics until you’re on more solid ground. By shutting up about yourself, you’ll also get brownie points for being a good listener.


10. Outstaying your welcome

First dates should be informal affairs where two people spend a bit of time deciding whether they want to see each other again. Say your goodbyes when the pub shuts or you’ve finished dinner, not when you’ve exhausted your poor companion by dragging them from one venue to the next. Leave them wanting more.


11. Interrupting

Interruption comes naturally to some people, who naturally overlap each other’s points to keep a conversation flowing. But to others, interruption is a vile habit and intensely annoying.

If you want to impress, make an extra effort not to butt in until you’re sure that your date has finished making their point.


12. Ordering date-unfriendly food

So you’ve had a couple of drinks, you’re flirting like crazy and you agree to go off for dinner… where you order the garlic chilli spaghetti. Unless your date has ordered the same thing, you can wave goodbye to that after-dinner snog.

When meeting a new date for dinner, think about the potential for kissing and messing. Or just date people who like pickled onions as much as you do.


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• Which rom-com are you living in?

Which rom-com are you living in?

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 30 March | 09:58

Love them or hate them, romantic comedy films have got you sussed. They know all about your unrequited crushes (He’s Just Not That Into You), your relationship dilemmas (Sex and the City) and your workplace flings (Bridget Jones’s Diary). There’s a part of you in all of them.

But which rom-com is your life most like, and what does it say about your love prospects? Take our quiz to find out!


1. It’s Saturday and you’ve got a blind date tonight. How do you spend the afternoon?

a. Planning the second date, and the third, and the wedding party.
b. On the phone to your best opposite-sex mate.
c. Trying to fit into last summer’s jeans, failing, and eating cake to ease the pain.
d. Hoping that you fancy them, but not so much that you spend the next 24 hours waiting for the call.
e. Worrying whether they’ll fancy you.


2. Your gorgeous date seems quiet and distracted. Why do you think that is?

a. They like you, and they’re shy.
b. You don’t care. You’d rather be out with that opposite-sex friend.
c. They’re best mates with your parents and they’ve just realised how weird it’ll be to have sex with you tonight.
d. That’s what you get for dating a part-time model 20 years your junior. Time for cab and sex.
e. Oh dear, am I that boring?


3. Late in the date there’s a lull in conversation. What does it mean?

a. It’s your cue to invite them back to your place.
b. Life’s too short for this. Time to go home, alone.
c. Time for more wine.
d. You fill any gaps in conversation with your twinkling wit.
e. Sip your drink and wish you could think of something witty to say.


4. What’s your idea of a first-date disaster?

a. They give you all the signs, and then don’t call – even after you leave five voicemails.
b. Four hours of dull blather with an unsexy limpet.
c. Underwear trouble.
d. You drink too much and have unprotected sex with a gorgeous stranger.
e. They run off before you’ve seen them.


5. It’s 24 hours after your first date ended with a kiss at the bus stop, and you haven’t heard from them. You…

a. Ring every hour, hoping that they’ve not been in some terrible accident.
b. Had forgotten all about it.
c. Get your best mate round for a night of smoking and bitching.
d. Go out with your best friends.
e. Aren’t surprised.


6. Sex with an ex is…

a. Proof that they love you after all.
b. Unlikely.
c. Better than nothing.
d. A bad idea, but at least it’s something to gossip about with your friends.
e. never going to happen. Why would they want to?


7. You’ve been going out with someone for three months, but you‘ve not been invited to meet their family. You think…

a. It’ll be a big moment, so they’re waiting for the right time.
b. Doesn’t matter – you want to dump them anyway.
c. They’re probably married anyway.
d. Thank God. Could anything be more boring?
e. They’re ashamed of you.


8. It’s your new lover’s birthday. What do you give them?

a. A piece of jewellery that you’ve always wanted to buy for a lover.
b. A CD recommended by your best opposite-sex mate.
c. Sex toys that you can’t work out how to use.
d. A limited-edition fountain pen and a Rampant Rabbit.
e. Matching gloves and scarf knitted by you.


9. A one-night stand is…

a. The start of a beautiful relationship, maybe.
b. Something that happened with that best mate of yours, but you never discuss it.
c. Something you’ve done far more often than you’ll admit to your future spouse.
d. Happening all too often lately.
e. In your dreams!


Click on to the next page find out what rom com you are living in:

 

 

The verdict: Which rom-com are you living in?














Mostly A: He’s Just Not That Into You

You’re bottom of the class at reading signals, especially those with “no thanks” written all over them. Whether it’s a bad first date, a one-night stand or sex with the ex, you won’t accept that he or she isn’t falling for you. Stop wasting your time and emotion on deadbeats, and find someone who really does like you.

If you chose mostly B's click on to find out which romcom you are living in...

 

 

Mostly B: When Harry Met Sally

You’re young and attractive with a busy dating life, but you’re rarely into them because you only have eyes for your opposite-sex best mate. If you can’t see it, everyone else can. Someone needs to knock your heads together! Seize the day and let them know how you feel.

If you chose mostly C's click on to find out which romcom you are living in...

 

 

Mostly C: Bridget Jones’s Diary

You’re lovable and sociable, but somehow you’ve become a magnet for losers, cheats and dating disasters. It may be that you’re getting desperate for love, so your quality control is shot to bits. Stop thinking that you need to rush into love just because the years are passing. You’ve still got what it takes, so wait for someone who matters.

If you chose mostly D's click on to find out which romcom you are living in... 

 

 

Mostly D: Sex and the City

Like Carrie Bradshaw, you are a mass of contradictions. On the outside you’re sassy and self-assured, but inside you don’t know whether to fall in love, maintain your independence, give it all up for a man or trust only your best buddies. Your perfect partner is someone you admire and adore but who keeps you at arm’s length… like Mr Big, perhaps?


If you chose mostly E's click on to find out which romcom you are living in... 

 

 

Mostly E: Jerry Maguire

Your problem is that you undervalue yourself. Like Renee Zellweger’s character Dorothy, you’re in unrequited love with someone who seems to be out of your league – but you may be surprised to discover how they really feel. Confidence (not arrogance) is the ultimate pulling weapon, and we can all achieve it. Think positive, throw back your shoulders, and go gettem.



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• Spice up your sex life

Spice up your sex life

Rebecca Garson | Monday 30 March | 09:55

Is your sex life far from sizzling? By eating certain foods you could spice it right up again as our sex drive is affected by what we put into our bodies.

With our gallery of top ten foods to lift your libido you and your partner won't want to leave the bedroom!

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• How to lose your baggage

How to lose your baggage

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 30 March | 09:55

If Jennifer Aniston’s man John Mayer didn’t know that she keeps all her voicemails from Brad Pitt, he does now. “I still have the cassette tapes of messages from my first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, my husband,” she recently told reporters. “It's like saving love letters.”

Saving letters and voicemails is cute when you’re still with their sender – but when you’re not, it’s just baggage. Jennifer should have taken a tip from the title of the movie she was promoting: He’s Just Not That Into You. (Or: He’s So Not Into You Any More, And He’s Got Six Kids With Angelina Jolie.)

Baggage can weigh down your happiness and wreak havoc on new relationships. What new partner wants to hear you whinge about your ex, or share house space with souvenirs from your previous loves?

Early spring is the perfect time to clear out the emotional clutter (including voicemails from Brad) and focus on the future. Here’s our 10-step plan to losing your love luggage.


1. Ditch your souvenirs

Delete those voicemails, now! If your phone is still clogged up with texts from exes, or you’ve got a drawerful of ticket stubs from unsuccessful dates, get rid of them all. They’re nothing but clutter. You’ll feel surprisingly relieved when you chuck it all away.


2. Enjoy the single life


Meeting someone new is a great way to shut the door on the past, but don’t jump from one relationship straight into another. Take time to get over a break-up first, or the hurt from it will soon start leaking into your new relationship.

When you’re single, use your freedom to flirt with anything that moves. It’ll do wonders for your confidence.


3. Don’t try to lure your ex back

Your exes are exes for a reason. If you want to reconcile with one of them, there had better be a very good reason.

Most reconciled exes stay together for a short time before the rose-tinted glasses come off, the same problems emerge again and there’s a second dose of heartbreak.


4. Choose your friends carefully

If you really want to clear out your emotional baggage, stop trying to be friends with your exes.

Exes-as-friends can work if enough time has passed, and there’s no romantic feeling left on either side. But remember, one person dumped the other. That emotional imbalance is no basis for friendship.

Also, exes-as-friends can make things tricky for new relationships. Stay in touch on some level if you want, but don’t invite your ex to hang around in your life when you’re trying to find love with someone new.


5. Edit your address book

Is your contacts list full of people who are only your “friend” because they once worked with your ex? Clear them out. They’re your ex’s mates, not yours.


6. Extreme measures…

If you find yourself so weighed down with thoughts of your ex that you can’t make a go of a new relationship, you must cut off all contact with that ex. Delete them from your contacts.

It will hurt like hell at first, because it’s a final admission that nothing will ever happen between you. But it works. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” quickly gives way to “out of sight, out of mind”.


7. Don’t be a work slave

Moving on from the past is easier if you allow yourself some free time to meet people and relax. If you work yourself to the bone in an attempt to shut out a bad break-up, you’re heading for meltdown.


8. Don’t go for a carbon copy

If you’ve spent the past 10 years dating people who look eerily similar to the one who broke your heart in the 90s, there’s a fair chance that you’re still carrying some baggage.

Repeatedly going for the same type of partner is a classic no-win dating strategy. Seek out the self-defeating patterns in your love choices, and try another type for a change.


9. Streamline your social circle

Ditching your emotional baggage isn’t just about clearing out your exes. It’s about editing your friendships, too. Stop spending time with friends who, if you’re honest, you don’t like much.

Your leisure time is precious, so don’t be a martyr to people who make you feel bad when they’re around. Explore ways to meet new people who share your interests and whose company you enjoy.


10. Give yourself a makeover

Now you’ve got rid of your clutter, improve your future by making the best of yourself. Get yourself a facial and a haircut, and if you haven't worn an item of clothing in the past year, give it to Oxfam.

Also clean up at home. A cluttered wreck of a home is easy to live in alone. But the moment you want to invite someone back, it’s panic stations. Clean up at home and you’ll soon want to show it off – and you’ll feel better about yourself to boot.


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• Top Ten Sexual Fantasies

Top Ten Sexual Fantasies

Rebecca Garson | Monday 30 March | 09:31

You may think your partner is the most innocent of women and that butter wouldn’t melt. Think again… There has probably been many occasions where she has pictured butter melting, whether it be on you or on a famous person’s hot bod.

“Women are experts when it comes to dreaming up the sauciest of fantasies, and they don’t bother limiting themselves to the traditional,” says Isabella Snow, relationship correspondent for AskMen.com.

So what is she really thinking about when she says nothing is on her mind?

We reveal the top ten female fantasies...


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• Office Romance - The Dangers

Office Romance - The Dangers

Ben Rawson-Jones | Wednesday 25 March | 15:09

Let's face it - being chained to your desk and hunched over your computer every weekday can be a fairly bleak existence. So it's understandable that a bit of flirtation and sexual intrigue can spice things up nicely at work and put an extra spring in your step. But the office romance is a slippery slope to go down, with many possible pitfalls. Even two contestants in the The Apprentice felt the full wrath of Sir Alan when he learnt of their liaison. Here's a look at what can go wrong and the possible repercussions...

 

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• Grab A Date With Your Dog’s Help!

Grab A Date With Your Dog’s Help!

Ben Rawson-Jones | Tuesday 17 March | 15:08

A dog isn't just for Christmas - they can also be used to help procure a bit of romance with a member of the opposite sex. Wait until you're at least on third base before discarding the pooch though. We're joking of course!

But on a more serious note, dogs and romance are all the rage at the moment with the release of new blockbuster Marley & Me. A stroll in the park with a four-legged friend can be a great way to meet a future partner. Please note the distinction between strolling and prowling, as any meeting should be organic and not the result of a stalking mission. Below are a few handy tips on how to prepare for such an encounter and be in the best possible position to impress.

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• How To Date A Culture Vulture

How To Date A Culture Vulture

Ben Rawson-Jones | Friday 13 March | 12:56

Meeting someone who has a voracious appetite for all things cultural can be a fairly intimidating experience if you just happen to be someone who thinks that Neoclassicism is a type of pizza. Of course, it's mainly advisable to simply be yourself, but it can also be a lot of fun to indulge in a bit of harmless fakery. Here are a few pointers on what you can do to blag your way through a date with a culture vulture and exude the right intellectual qualities...

Cinema

What You Might Think: "I was tempted to see The Reader - I've heard that Winslet gets them out. Mind you, that goes for most of her films and I guess you can't fast forward the action in a cinema (or pause it). I'm partial to a bit of Van Damme though."

What You Should Say: "Ah yes, The Reader. An absorbing look at second-generation post-Holocaust guilt in modern Germany. Kate Winslet certainly deserved her Oscar with a multi-layered and harrowing performance. Bernard Schlink's novel was translated to the screen with a deft visual touch by the director of Billy Elliot."

Music

What You Might Think: "Crack open the lagers, whack on a bit of classic Oasis and just roll with it man, d'yknowwhatImean like?"

What You Should Say: "David Bowie's Berlin period in the 1970s, collaborating with Brian Eno, is a tour de force of avant garde experimentalism. The album Low, in particular, was ahead of its time. It's such a shame that younger generations merely see him as the Goblin King in Labyrinth."

Art

What You Might Think: "Rolf Harris, now he's a proper artist. 'Can you see what it is yet?' He's also handy on the didgeridoos. Leonardo Da Vinci? Wasn't he a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?"

What You Should Say: "Expressionism is my favourite artistic movement. The distortive effects really sum up the existence of being. Edvard Munch's 'The Scream' kicked off the whole scene, and is also what I feel like after a heavy night out. Just joking!"

Architecture

What You Might Think: "That building in London shaped like a gherkin looks cool, although I like gherkins in general. I really can't understand why people take them out of burgers – they're vital to the taste!"

What You Should Say: "Deconstructivist architecture always enhances the skyline, with its fragmentation and non-rectilinear shapes. Buildings such as Manchester's Imperial War Museum form a nice contrast to the rather constricting modernist structures around."

Literature

What You Might Think: "Reading is boring and reminds me of school. There aren't enough pictures in books either, just words. Yawn."

What You Should Say: "Crime And Punishment is never too far from my bedside table. We can all relate to the alienation that the young protagonist Raskolnikov goes through, but the real punishment he endures is within his own mind. Dostoevsky, who wrote the novel after his return from exile in Siberia, cleverly frames the psychological struggles within a socio-political context that is still relevant today."

In addition to the above blagathon, check out our fab beginner's guides on the following topics:

Ballet

Shakespeare

Modern Art

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• The Toy Boy Phenomenon

The Toy Boy Phenomenon

Ben Rawson-Jones | Friday 06 March | 16:07

"When I get to take him,
I know he's gonna love me right.
He's my toy boy, toy boy."

Okay, so Sinitta song lyrics are hardly up there with the likes of Plato and Sartre in terms of their sheer philosophical value, but the faded pop princess did hit the nail on the head with her 1987 hit 'Toy Boy'. Just flick open any celebrity rag or Sunday supplement and you'll be bombarded with tales of women dating what some would describe as 'significantly' younger men. But why should it be significant?

After all, the likes of Sir Mick Jagger, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Hefner are hailed as cultural icons and have cultivated cheeky 'jack the lad' style images through their dalliances with ladies more than half their age. Did they spend their time fearing what other folks might think? Probably not – they were too busy having some serious fun.

Then there's the case of magician Paul Daniels and his assistant/wife Debbie McGee, who is 20 years younger than her hubby. Spoof telly host Mrs Merton famously asked what McGee saw in her "millionaire husband", but the fact is that they have been happily married for over two decades. Perhaps the appeal was in Daniels' magic wand?

Yet if you reverse the genders in an age of supposed sexual equality, the whole 'Mrs Robinson' image still persists of the older seductress preying on tender, young male flesh. Of late, Madonna has been endlessly ridiculed for the resurrection of her love life with a 22-year-old model called Jesus. He wasn't even a mere seed in his father's loins when Madge was writhing around in a bridal dress to 'Like A Virgin'. But, they're two consenting adults who have both chosen to take that path. Jesus was hardly snatched from the cradle (unless you believe some of the more controversial interpretations of The Bible).

Recently, 49-year-old Loose Women presenter Carol McGiffin revealed her inner woes about her relationship with a 27-year-old chap, which comes down to the social stigma of a female embarking on such an affair. She wrote: "One minute I think: Yes, I deserve him, we're great together, I can totally see what he sees in me. The next I'm convinced he's either permanently drunk, wearing the wrong contacts or a brilliant liar."

Crucially, much of this boils down to the media's embarrassing obsession with showing the signs of aging in women in the public eye. The appearance of a wrinkle on fortysomething Demi Moore might have created a tabloid frenzy, but her younger lover Ashton Kutcher has yet to desert her, as superficial qualities shouldn't matter much in a genuine relationship. But this can create a myriad of insecurities in women who start dating a so-called toy boy, should they endlessly scrutinise themselves like poor McGiffin.

Perhaps when Suffragette Emily Davison famously threw herself in front of the King's horse in 1913 in a bid to get women the vote, she should have also included some kind of toy boy caveat too. After all, women reach their sexual peak around 20 years later than men tend to. So what is nature trying to tell us all?

Across the pond, it appears that our Antipodean counterparts have already taken the lead. Marie Claire magazine has published a report of a Toy Boy speed dating event at a bar in Sydney, where the lads, barely out of puberty, lined up to meet a procession of experienced ladies dubbed 'cougars'. The amount of women leading younger guys down the aisle has doubled in the last 30 years in Australia as the sexual taboos have been broken down. The fact that so many cases have led to marriage do show that a toy boy need not be a disposable object solely for physical gratification and to boost self-esteem.

Such couplings can lead to love, so maybe the whole 'grab a granny' connotations will be a thing of the past in the UK if the Aussie spirit can translate here. We did take Neighbours to our hearts, so this might not be such a long shot! Toy boys may just be built to last if given the chance...

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Ben Rawson-Jones | Friday 06 March | 15:56

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• The Toy Boy Phenomenon

The Toy Boy Phenomenon

Rebecca Garson | Friday 06 March | 15:01

"When I get to take him,
I know he's gonna love me right.
He's my toy boy, toy boy."

Okay, so Sinitta song lyrics are hardly up there with the likes of Plato and Sartre in terms of their sheer philosophical value, but the faded pop princess did hit the nail on the head with her 1987 hit 'Toy Boy'. Just flick open any celebrity rag or Sunday supplement and you'll be bombarded with tales of women dating what some would describe as 'significantly' younger men. But why should it be significant?

After all, the likes of Sir Mick Jagger, Jack Nicholson and Hugh Hefner are hailed as cultural icons and have cultivated cheeky 'jack the lad' style images through their dalliances with ladies more than half their age. Did they spend their time fearing what other folks might think? Probably not – they were too busy having some serious fun.

Then there's the case of magician Paul Daniels and his assistant/wife Debbie McGee, who is 20 years younger than her hubby. Spoof telly host Mrs Merton famously asked what McGee saw in her "millionaire husband", but the fact is that they have been happily married for over two decades. Perhaps the appeal was in Daniels' magic wand?

Yet if you reverse the genders in an age of supposed sexual equality, the whole 'Mrs Robinson' image still persists of the older seductress preying on tender, young male flesh. Of late, Madonna has been endlessly ridiculed for the resurrection of her love life with a 22-year-old model called Jesus. He wasn't even a mere seed in his father's loins when Madge was writhing around in a bridal dress to 'Like A Virgin'. But, they're two consenting adults who have both chosen to take that path. Jesus was hardly snatched from the cradle (unless you believe some of the more controversial interpretations of The Bible).

Recently, 49-year-old Loose Women presenter Carol McGiffin revealed her inner woes about her relationship with a 27-year-old chap, which comes down to the social stigma of a female embarking on such an affair. She wrote: "One minute I think: Yes, I deserve him, we're great together, I can totally see what he sees in me. The next I'm convinced he's either permanently drunk, wearing the wrong contacts or a brilliant liar."

Crucially, much of this boils down to the media's embarrassing obsession with showing the signs of aging in women in the public eye. The appearance of a wrinkle on fortysomething Demi Moore might have created a tabloid frenzy, but her younger lover Ashton Kutcher has yet to desert her, as superficial qualities shouldn't matter much in a genuine relationship. But this can create a myriad of insecurities in women who start dating a so-called toy boy, should they endlessly scrutinise themselves like poor McGiffin.

Perhaps when Suffragette Emily Davison famously threw herself in front of the King's horse in 1913 in a bid to get women the vote, she should have also included some kind of toy boy caveat too. After all, women reach their sexual peak around 20 years later than men tend to. So what is nature trying to tell us all?

Across the pond, it appears that our Antipodean counterparts have already taken the lead. Marie Claire magazine has published a report of a Toy Boy speed dating event at a bar in Sydney, where the lads, barely out of puberty, lined up to meet a procession of experienced ladies dubbed 'cougars'. The amount of women leading younger guys down the aisle has doubled in the last 30 years in Australia as the sexual taboos have been broken down. The fact that so many cases have led to marriage do show that a toy boy need not be a disposable object solely for physical gratification and to boost self-esteem.

Such couplings can lead to love, so maybe the whole 'grab a granny' connotations will be a thing of the past in the UK if the Aussie spirit can translate here. We did take Neighbours to our hearts, so this might not be such a long shot! Toy boys may just be built to last if given the chance...

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• Your questions answered

Your questions answered

Rebecca Garson | Saturday 28 February | 17:49

Have you got a dating dilemma and need advice?

Our dating expert Hilary Freeman has been an agony aunt for 10 years and she is on hand to answer all of your relationship questions and give you her valuable advice.

You can contact Hilary by emailing: skydating@bskyb.com

Also join the discussion and visit the Sky Dating forum.  Here you can discuss your current situation, relationship troubles and meet fellow singletons. Our forum us here to help you in your quest for love so get involved!


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• Your top 10 date venues

Your top 10 date venues

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 27 February | 10:37

The main ingredients of a successful date are good conversation and two people who fancy the pants off each other. But other things can help or break a budding relationship, and a well-chosen date venue is one of them.

We asked real-life daters for their favourite meet-up spots.

Find out what they said by looking through our gallery below.


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• Best and Worst Chat Up Lines

Best and Worst Chat Up Lines

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 26 February | 10:15

You’re in a bar, chatting to your mates when you get approached by an admirer. They say: “If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put you and I together.” Does it make you swoon with delight, or cringe and walk away?

Social networking website Talk2Reg carried out a survey to uncover the top six best and worst pick-up lines.

They asked 600 flirty 17 to 40-year-olds their favourite pick-up lines and here’s what they came up with.



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THE TOP SIX BEST CHAT-LINES


If you are looking to pull, why not try one of these?

1. You are like a compass, without you I am lost.

2. Are you a parking ticket coz you got fine written all over you?

3. Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?

4. Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk past you again.

5. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!

6. Are those space pants your wearing coz your ass is out of this world?

THE TOP SIX WORST CHAT-UP LINES

If you want to get lucky, then avoid the following chat-up lines at all costs!

1. Here's 20p, ring your Mum and tell her you won't be home tonight.

2. How do you like your eggs in the morning?

3. I like your dress it would look great on my bedroom floor.

4. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

5. Your dad must have been a thief, coz he stole the stars and put them in your eyes!

6. If you were a burger you'd be a McGorgeous.

What's the funniest chat up line you've ever used or received? We want to hear from you, so leave your comment below.



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• Is your man a love rat?

Is your man a love rat?

Jane Hoskyn | Sunday 22 February | 08:05

If you picked up a newspaper in 2008, you’d be forgiven for thinking that no man can be trusted. From dear old Ronnie Wood to shouty old Gordon Ramsay, the nation’s menfolk have been accused of doing the dirty on their wives.

Is it possible to tell whether your hubby or boyfriend will be your faithful other half for ever more? Well, our quiz will give it a try…


1. Your man accompanies you to your best friend’s birthday party. How does he behave?

a. You’re not sure. Apparently he’s deep in conversation in some other room.
b. He’s the life and soul of the party.
c. He can’t stop kissing you, even when you’re trying to chat to your friends.
d. Polite and friendly to everyone, but he prefers to be with you.


2. How well do you get on with his mum?

a. He’s never introduced you. You don’t even know if he’s got a mum.
b. You liked her the one time you met her, but you got the feeling that you’re not good enough for her son.
c. You’ve never met her, but he constantly tells you how much she’d love you.
d. Really well.


3. You’re in the pub with him, when a pretty blonde starts eyeing him from the bar. He…

a. Catches her eye and smiles, then does it again a few minutes later.
b. Chuckles and carries on talking to you.
c. Pulls his chair closer to yours and strokes your face.
d. Doesn’t notice.


4. You’re reading the Sunday papers in bed together, when up pops the latest celebrity love rat story. Your man…

a. Scratches his ear and turns the page.
b. Laughs good-naturedly and asks why everyone’s so interested.
c. Is too busy nuzzling your neck to notice.
d. Says “he’s an arse anyway” and sips his tea.


5. You need to ring your friend, but your mobile battery has run out. You ask to borrow your bloke’s phone. He…

a. Dials the number for you and stands next to you while you talk.
b. Hands over his new phone and waits while you chat.
c. Gives you his phone, then takes you to the shop to buy you one just the same.
d. Gives you his phone.


6. You’re on a work trip in the next town, and one night you’re having trouble sleeping in the hotel. You call him for a comforting chat… at 3am. He…

a. Switches off his phone when it rings.
b. Tells you that you’re sweet but he’s tired, and that he’ll call you in the morning.
c. Says goodnight, then turns up at your hotel room at 7am with breakfast.
d. Chats away woozily for half an hour until you’re feeling relaxed enough to sleep.


7. One day you have a tooth pulled, and you look like a KO’ed boxer when he sees you at home that evening. He…

a. Goes down the pub.
b. Feeds you ice cream, and can’t stop giggling.
c. Feeds you ice cream and keeps telling you that you’re still the most beautiful woman in the world.
d. Feeds you ice cream, then goes out for more so that he can have some too.


8. If you became pregnant by accident, how would he react?

a. You wouldn’t see him for dust.
b. He’d be shocked, and would offer to support you “as a friend”.
c. He’d propose marriage, then call you later to say that the whole thing is “too heavy”.
d. He’d be shocked for you both, and would support whatever decision you made.


9. You turn up at his workplace by surprise one day. He…

a. Pretends to be out.
b. Comes to the lobby to say hi, but he doesn’t invite you in.
c. Whisks you off for lunch.
d. Invites you in to meet everyone.


10. You ask him to meet you at the airport after work. You want to take him away for a surprise weekend. He…

a. Says he’s got other plans.
b. Comes along and it’s great, but you don’t hear from him for a few days afterwards.
c. Seems upset that you’re taking him away rather than the other way round.
d. Does a little dance and goes off to buy a new toothbrush.


What your answers mean…


Mostly A: He has serious love rat potential

Be honest – is this guy really your man, or an occasional bedtime plaything? He doesn’t seem to be showing you much affection or respect. He doesn’t involve you in his life or even trust you with his phone, but he’ll happily wink or grin at any female who happens to walk past. This man is a grade-A player, and should come with a government health warning.


Mostly B: He’s not a rat, but he is a commitment-phobe

Beneath his dashing exterior lurks a man who’s terrified of commitment and will always try to keep you at arm’s length. This guy is like Mr Big from Sex and the City. He’s kind and smart but controlling, and will never change his life for you or any woman. Enjoy your time together, but don’t invest too much emotion or, God forbid, money in the relationship. As soon as your lust fades, move on.


Mostly C: He’s a love addict

This guy is crazy about you, but be warned – he may have a limited attention span. He is in love with the idea of being in love. His romantic gestures are over the top, and his occasional disappearing acts aren’t encouraging. However, if he really is as head over heels for you as he thinks he is, no other woman will be able to snatch him away. Make him fall in love with you over and over again, and he’s yours for keeps.


Mostly D: He’s yours, truly

This guy is thoughtful, attentive and committed… and he’s no love rat. He’s happy when you’re happy, and would do anything to put a smile on your face. But he’s also no doormat, and he knows that life isn’t all hearts and flowers. You are extremely important to him, and he won’t let you down. This one’s for keeps.


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• How to flirt by email

How to flirt by email

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 19 February | 08:04

Flirting is complicated enough in person, but it’s even harder by email. At least in person you can bat your eyelashes, touch their knee and hope for the best. By email, you have to find the right words.

If you’re one of the 8 million UK singles currently looking for love online, you won’t get far without some email flirting skills. A seductive way with cyber-words is also useful if you’re in a long-distance relationship.

Read on for our tips on mastering the art.


WHAT TO DO...


* DO keep it brief

If you’ve met someone online or you’re in the first weeks of a long-distance relationship, keep a tight rein on your word count.

Spewing out 10,000 lovelorn words is a sign that you’ve got nothing better to do all day. It also hints at neediness and stalker tendencies.

As a rule of thumb, don’t send a flirtatious email that’s longer than your email text box. If they have to scroll down to read any of it, they won’t bother.


* DO make it all about them

In online dating, too many people talk about themselves in their introductory emails. To get someone’s attention, pay them a compliment.

Pick out a couple of points in their profile or personal ad, and ask open-ended questions to get a conversation going.


* DO pay specific compliments

“You sound great” won’t inspire a reply. “Your music collection sounds amazing, I’d love to go rummaging for second-hand records with you” is specific and flattering. Already, you’ve established common ground.


* DO be original

Think of a question they’ve not been asked 100 times before. Pick an unusual detail in their profile, and ask a question about it that will make them think and smile.

Don’t mock your recipient, though. If they mention that they can play the euphonium, ask which tune they wish they could play as a party piece – don’t ask why they picked such a weird instrument.


* DO make them laugh

Keep your tone witty and light. The point is to make them want to meet you, so show that you’re fun to be around.

Don’t overdo it. No-one wants to spend an evening with a demented giggler who only talks in one-liners.


* DO read before sending

It’s not control-freaky to worry about spelling and grammar in a flirtatious email, it’s just good manners. Knocking off a message full of bad spelling and punctuation is like turning up to dinner picking your nose.


* DO suggest a real-time chat

Once you’ve swapped a couple of emails and things seem to be going well, suggest a chat on your dating site’s instant messaging (IM) tool, or an application such as Yahoo Messenger.

IM is a fantastic flirtation device. It’s more conversational than email, but you’re still liberated by your anonymity, so people tend to be more flirtatious and suggestive.


* DO pay attention

Whether you’re flirting by email or IM, listen as hard as you would when chatting face-to-face.

Ask open-ended questions – what music they’re listening to, how the day went at work – and engage with their answers. Pay attention to the clues they give about themselves and their tastes.

However, don’t batter them with questions. You’re flirting, not interrogating.


* DO leave them wanting more

Don’t fill your recipient’s inbox with 10 emails a day or keep them up all night messaging. The momentum might seem obvious to you, but you may be outstaying your welcome.

Never disappear without explanation from an IM conversation, and don’t ignore an email for more than a day. But strike a balance. Let them look forward to hearing from you again.


WHAT NOT TO DO...


* DON’T go on about their photos

Leering about your recipient’s photos is the online equivalent of a builder’s wolf whistle. Briefly flattering, but insincere and unlikely to lead to a date.

Every woman wants to be fancied, but no woman wants to be liked only for her looks. You’ll sound shallow and creepy.

Leave the physical compliments until after you’ve met. Then you can say: “You’re even nicer than your photos.” Winner.


* DON’T be too quick to reply

Replying immediately to someone’s email may give the impression that you’re waiting by your inbox. It also puts them under pressure to reply just as quickly. Let a couple of hours go by first.

But don’t leave it more than a day, or the momentum will die. In other words…


* DON’T play hard to get

Momentum is a key ingredient of effective flirting, in person and online. Failing to reply for a few days is like wandering off for three hours at a party. There’s plenty of competition in online dating, so your flirtee will soon move on to someone else.


* DON’T let the emailing drag on

Know when to get offline and into the pub. If you’re still flirting online after a couple of weeks, but neither of you has suggested meeting up, you’re wasting your time.

After a couple of emails, pop the “fancy a drink?” question while the momentum is still hot. If they decline or don’t respond, cut your losses and move on to the next contender.


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Are you about to get dumped?

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 16 February | 08:54

Is your partner stuck on you for good, or are they about to jump ship? You can’t read their mind, but you can look out for clues.

Our quiz will help you suss out where you stand…
 

1. You get a promotion at work, and you’re wildly happy about it. Your partner…

a. Doesn’t notice.

b. Says “well done,” but gets irritated when you keep going on about it.

c. Sulks because you didn’t invite them to celebrate with your workmates.

d. Treats you to a surprise celebration meal at a posh restaurant.

2. Your partner gets promoted and has after-work drinks to celebrate. Are you invited?

a. No. What promotion?

b. No, you’d just end up getting drunk and arguing.

c. Yes, worst luck. You can’t stand their workmates.

d. Of course – you get along really well with their workmates.

3. Your partner has fallen out with one of their friends. How much do you know about it?

a. Next to nothing.

b. You know something’s wrong because they keep picking arguments with you.

c. Not much, but you know that your partner has some hideous friends.

d. Your partner confides in you, because you’re their best friend.

4. You recently got into salsa dancing, and you’ve begged your other half to have lessons with you. They…

a. Make excuses to get out of it.

b. Go along once, but act like a bored child and say that dancing is “stupid”.

c. Are surprised that you want to involve them.

d. Humour you by going along, and find that they actually rather enjoy it.
 

5. Your new haircut is hideous. Your partner…

a. Doesn’t notice.

b. Says it’s your own fault for going to such a bad hairdresser.

c. Wouldn’t know a bad haircut if they were hit in the face with one.

d. Agrees that it’s not exactly your best look, but says it’ll grow out soon – and buys you a cool bobble hat to wear in the meantime.

6. A couple of old friends take you both out for lunch. How does your other half behave?

a. Distant.

b. Argumentative.

c. Overly chatty and annoying.

d. Chatty and relaxed.

7. You last had sex…

a. Two months ago.

b. A week ago after a big row.

c. A couple of weeks ago, to stop them moaning that you “never” do it any more.

d. Within the last few days.

8. You put on a few pounds over Christmas and you can’t fit into your favourite skinny jeans. When you mention it to your partner, they…

a. Shrug and roll their eyes.

b. Say it’s your fault for eating too much.

c. Is typically pathetic. Your friends’ partners are far more understanding about this kind of thing.

d. Point to their own festive waistline, and suggest that you sort it out together with some long romantic walks.

9. You get a joint invitation to a summer wedding. Your partner normally RSPVs this kind of thing. Have they responded yet?

a. They keep saying: “I’ll sort it out later”.

b. No. You argued about whether to go, and haven’t resolved the issue yet.

c. Yes, and they accepted without asking you first.

d. Yes. You discussed whether to go, and your partner sorted out the RSPV.

10. Your mum’s in town and she’s invited herself round for lunch. Your partner…

a. Vanishes.

b. Moans that your mum is hard work.

c. Won’t take the hint. You wish they’d get out and leave you in peace with your mum.

d. Stays for a while to make tea and chat, then leaves you and your mum alone for a catch-up.

What your answers mean


Mostly A: There may be trouble ahead

Your other half thinks the end is nigh for your relationship. You’re barely involved in their day-to-day ups and downs, whether it’s spats with friends or celebrations at work. They don’t even car enough to pick fights with you - they’d rather just roll their eyes and forget that you’re there. Do yourself a favour and get out before you’re pushed.


Mostly B: They’re not happy – but they want to keep you

You’re dealing with an argumentative, nit-picking partner who never seems happy. But they may not be about to jump ship. They pick fights because they care about standing up to you and getting what they want out of your relationship. Things are bad, but you have a chance to restore harmony. Sit down and hear them out.

Mostly C: You’re the one who wants out

If your partner were about to dump you, you’d be only too delighted. But it’s unlikely, because you’re the one who wants out, not them. You’re half irritated, half bored by your partner, and it’s time you delivered the bad news and allowed them to move on.


Mostly D: You're as safe as houses

You don’t need a quiz to tell you that your relationship is doing just fine. If you have any doubts, you may just be paranoid. Paranoia breeds insecurity, and insecurity is a turn-off – so relax and open your eyes to how lucky you are. Your partner sees you as a friend and ally, and there’s no reason why you can’t last for a very long time.
 

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• Want to meet men?

Want to meet men?

Kate Faithful | Monday 16 February | 08:34

Some women get tons of messages, men falling over themselves for a date and sometimes even marriage proposals just from their online dating profile.

We analysed how they do it so you can make the tricks work for you…

Go solo

Post photos of you where you’re alone. Pictures of you surrounded by a throng of friends and family is like saying, ‘You’ve got to impress all these people.’ Relationships should be between two people and two people only. If you haven’t got a nice shot of you by yourself, crop your friends out. And no pets either – it’s too easy for men to dismiss you as a mad cat lady without even reading your profile.


Look natural

An au naturel photo will score you many more hits than one with caked-on make-up. He wants to be able to get a clear look at you! Don’t be tempted to go for a studio-style picture or one that’s too pouty – it can make you look a bit shallow. You’re worth more than that.


Don’t apologise

Many profiles begin with a cringey apology, as if you’re ashamed to be on the site. Any man reading it will feel like there’s something wrong for looking on the site himself! Be upfront about wanting to meet someone and you’ve got more chance of actually doing so.


Be quirky and relaxed

Pick your most unique character traits to open your profile with. If he’s bored reading a paragraph about you, he won’t be clearing space in his social calendar for you. A chatty writing style will make you seem more approachable too. Keep the whole thing to about 200 words: it means you’ll write the important stuff first and cut out the rest.


Get the Mars opinion

Ask a male friend to rate your profile and picture before you upload it. He’ll be able to tell you what will appeal to other men and what will send them running for the hills. If the site you’re signed up to has the facility for a mate to introduce you, as on www.mysinglefriend.com, then get your male friend to do the honours. Blokes tend to trust each other’s judgment more.



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• Valentine’s Day Card Messages

Valentine’s Day Card Messages

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 12 February | 13:22

Valentine’s Day is just a few days away. If you haven’t bought your loved one a card yet, shame on you, get down the shops immediately! If you have got one, you can have a pat on the back, but have you written that all important message inside yet?

What you write inside a Valentine’s Day card depends on the individual and your relationship with the person you are writing it to. Some people hate gushing statements of undying love whereas other people love all the mushy stuff!

The Royal Mail published images of what they believe to be the world's oldest and most expensive Valentine's day card.  The card dated back to 1790, and apparently the intricately designed card filled with a beautiful verse would fetch up to £4,000 if auctioned today.

On the outside of the card, the inscription reads:

"My dear the Heart which you behold,
Will break when you the same unfold,
Even so my heart with lovesick pain,
Sure wounded is and breaks in twain."

If you don’t think they'' appreciate something so heartfelt then here are a few ideas for messages. Funny, cheeky and just lovely!


Let’s start with an old classic:

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
carnations are sweet,
and so are you!
Happy Valentine's Day!

Or how about something a little cheeky…

I love your lips, I love your style,
but most of all I love your smile!

A nice little rhyme perhaps?

I bet you a cuddle,
I bet you a kiss,
I bet you'll never guess,
who sent you this?

If you want to get them excited about what the evening holds…

Flowers today. Fireworks tonight!

Something a little romantic but not too gushing:

I love you today,
as I did from the start.
I'll love you forever,
with all of my heart.
Happy Valentine's Day!

Plain and simple…

You’ll always be my Valentine

Or how about some song lyrics…

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

And you can’t beat a bit of the love guru Barry White...

You're the first, the last, my everything

Or how about you quote a bit of literature with some good ol' Charles Dickens…

Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart.

Now lets finish with a selection of roses are red, violets are blue rhymes…

Roses are red, violets are blue.
I'm free tonight, how about you?

And...

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I didn't start living,
Until I met you.

Or how about something a bit more upfront and to the point?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
My hot dog--your buns,
a great rendezvous.

You could always try this one and see what happens? What have you got to lose right?

Roses are blue, Violets are red, I'm rubbish with colours, but wicked in bed!


NOW GET WRITING! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

If you have any more suggestions for Valentine's Day messages, please write them below.
 

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Favourite Film Kiss Revealed

Rebecca Garson | Wednesday 11 February | 12:11

Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze were obviously having the “time of their life” when filming Dirty Dancing as their steamy kiss from the 1980s movie has been voted the UK’s favourite all-time screen smooch.

Who knew that cartoons could be raunchy? Shrek and Princess Fiona’s smacker even made it into the top ten beating Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhall’s gay kiss in Brokeback Mountain.

The survey, conducted by Butterkist Popcorn also revealed the stars both sexes would most like to lock lips with. The ladies opted for the incredibly hunky Brad Pitt, whilst both his ex and present squeezes Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie loomed large in the guy’s poll.

It also revealed that one in ten men would like to re-enact a movie kiss – a higher figure than the ladies polled. So what is it about on-screen kisses that we love so much? They make us all warm and fuzzy inside and we like a good ol’ happy ending and men enjoy the spontaneity of the moment.

But what makes a good kiss? After mutual attraction (74%), nearly half of us agree that soft kissable lips (45%) and eye contact (42%) are the most important elements in a good kiss, but surprisingly one in ten of us like a lot of tongue action too! We think otherwise. No-one likes a washing machine! Not so surprising is the fact that nine out of ten people see bad breath as the kiss of death and 72% would not go near someone with cold sores.

It seems that you certainly should kiss and tell on a first date. 54% of people expect some smooching at the end of a first date and one in ten actually move straight in for the kill if they spot someone they fancy.

Commenting on the research, Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, relationship psychologist to the stars says: “We live in an ‘on-demand’ world where people are constantly told they don’t have to wait for anything. Relationships are no different, people are forgetting to slow down and enjoy getting to know each other. We should take inspiration from our best loved film kisses and try to get the timing just right.”

See below for the celebrities made it into the top twelve on screen smooches and some random but exciting kissing facts!

And don’t miss our gallery on how to give the perfect kiss...


UK's Top Twelve Film Kisses

1.    Patrick Swayze / Jennifer Grey – Dirty Dancing (1987)
2.    Richard Gere / Julia Roberts – Pretty Woman (1990)
3.    Leonardo Di Caprio / Kate Winslet – Titanic (1997)
4.    Renee Zellweger / Colin Firth – Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)
5.    Clark Gable / Vivien Leigh – Gone With The Wind (1939)
6.    Humphrey Bogart / Ingrid Bergman – Casablanca (1942)
7.    Tobey Maguire / Kirsten Dunst – Spider-Man (2002)
8.    Hugh Grant / Martine McCutcheon – Love Actually (2003)
9.    Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan – Sleepless in Seattle (2000)
10.  Shrek / Princess Fiona – Shrek (2001)
11.  Heath Ledger / Jake Gyllenhall – Brokeback Mountain (2006)
12.  Hugh Grant / Andy McDowell – Four Weddings & a Funeral (1994)


Top ten kissing facts

1. Eskimos, Polynesians and Malaysians don’t kiss with their lips, they rub noses.
2. The average person spends two weeks of their life kissing.
3. When you kiss someone you like, your pulse rate goes up, your blood pressure rises, the pupils in your eyes get bigger and you breathe more deeply.
4. Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva helps clean out your mouth.
5. The longest silver-screen kiss lasted three minutes and five seconds. It was between Regis Toomey and Jane Wyman in the 1941 comedy ‘You’re in the army now’.
6. The scientific name for kissing is philematology.
7. The record for the longest kiss was achieved by James Belshaw and Sophia Severin (both UK) who kissed continuously for 31 hr 30 min 30 sec on  6-7 July 2005.³
8. International Kissing Day is February 5th.
9. Our brains have special neurons that help us find each others lips in the dark.
10. Chimpanzees and bonobos also kiss on the mouth like humans.
    

 

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• Valentine’s Day around the UK

Valentine’s Day around the UK

Rebecca Garson | Tuesday 10 February | 13:06

Are you reading this with a bead of sweat dripping from your brow in the hope that we could save your non-existent Valentine’s Day plans?

Well wipe that sweat away. Fear not dear reader, we have some excellent ideas for how you can spend the perfect Valentine’s Day with your partner.

Valentine’s Wine Tasting

If you fancy getting tiddly and flirty with your date this Valentine’s Day then we recommend immersing yourselves in a wine tasting experience for two at Vinopolis, London’s premier wine tasting venue. You get to taste five wines of your choice as well as a cheeky Bombay Sapphire cocktail for only £33.

Also if you don’t think your legs can handle staggering to a restaurant after all that wine you can stay right where you are and dine at Cantina Vinopolis, created by award winning restaurateurs Claudio Pulze and TrevorGulliver.

Then after your meal you can take a romantic evening stroll along London Bridge.


Live in the movies

The English countryside has provided some enchanting backdrops for a number or romantic films so this Valentine’s Day why don’t the pair of  you relive some classic heart-warming movie moments. If your partner is an Emma Thompson fan then why not whisk them away to one of the many locations in the South West of England where this famous English actress has filmed.  Montacute House in Somerset, Wilton House in Wiltshire and Sailsbury's Cathedral Close, the South West lent itself perfectly to Ang Lee's award winning adaptation of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility.

Who doesn’t love Jane Austen’s romantic novel, Pride & Prejudice, which has been made into a television drama and big-screen adaptation. You and your partner can relive the film as Mr Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet by heading to the East Midlands. In the movie, starring the beautiful Keira Knightley, Derbyshire's Chatsworth becomes Pemberley, and Burghley House in Lincolnshire becomes Rosings, while the Peak District provides some of the movie's most spectacular back-drops.

More information: http://www.enjoyengland.com/ideas/heritage-and-culture/on-location/romantic-film-locations.aspx


Get intimate by an open fire in one of England’s many cosy cottages

Feeling cold? There is nothing more romantic than an evening in front of an open roaring fire with dinner, champagne and chocolates. So if you are stuck for ideas this February 14th why not take that special someone to one of the many English cottages around the region for the perfect romantic evening. From Alden Cottage overlooking the Ribble and Hodder Valleys in the Northwest to Cherry View Cottage in Kirbymoorside within the North York Moors there are many to choose from.

More information: http://www.enjoyengland.com/ideas/relaxing-breaks/sleep/open-fires.aspx


Dine in style


Treat your date to a slap-up romantic meal at one of the many top restaurants around the country.

In London visit Babylon Restaurant at the Roof Gardens for some truly mouth-watering contemporary British cuisine. Located one hundred feet above Kensington High Street you and your date can enjoy fabulous food and some truly spectacular views of the city.

In Nottingham you can dine at the award winning Sat Bains, now recognised as one of the finest places to eat and stay in the UK. Or why not try The London Carriage Works in Liverpool, for some modern international cuisine?

If your date is a veggie don’t worry. Food for Friends in Brighton specialises in vegetarian food cooked to order, as does The Greenhouse in Norwich.




Take a lover’s Leap

If you fancy an extreme Valentine’s Day that will get your heart pounding and blood pressure rising then why don’t you and your partner take a leap of faith and do a tandem bungee jump with half a bottle of champagne thrown in for good measure for £97! The pair of you will be thrown 165 ft up in the air with only a bungee cord attached, and then you will plummet at 60mph back to safety. The Lover’s Leap Valentines bungee jump is available at bungee sites around the UK, including Datchet in Berkshire, London, Manchester, Brighton and Sheffield.



Dirty Dancing Valentine’s Day Gala


Treat your date to the “time of their life” by picking up some Dirty Dancing Charity Gala tickets for the perfect Valentine’s Day evening. The night is dedicated to raising money and awareness for the Refuge charity and will be hosted by Bianca and Sheryl Gascoigne, so you can expect to see some famous faces whilst you’re there. Get your hands on these hot tickets and you will certainly be in your date’s good books.




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• 10 Perfect Valentine’s Gifts for Her

10 Perfect Valentine’s Gifts for Her

Rebecca Garson | Monday 09 February | 09:52

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner you don’t want to leave it too late before buying that special someone the perfect gift.

If you have no idea what to buy her then never fear. Sky Dating has come up with ten gifts she’ll love.

Looking for love? Find your soulmate with Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies!

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• 10 Perfect Valentine’s Gifts for Him

10 Perfect Valentine’s Gifts for Him

Rebecca Garson | Monday 09 February | 09:33

When you speak to your fella about Valentine’s Day he most probably will change the subject and start speaking about cars or last night’s footy result. But secretly he loves being showered with gifts and affection as much as you do.

So avoid your partner getting in a sulk by buying him one of these 10 perfect gifts.


Looking for love? Find your soulmate with Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies!

 

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• 20 worst Valentine’s Day faux pas

20 worst Valentine’s Day faux pas

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 09 February | 09:17

Valentine’s Day is a minefield of romantic foul-ups. Even knowing whether to celebrate it is a trial in itself.

For example your partner may say, “don’t buy me a present,” but you’d gain far more brownie points if you did. Then there are the dilemmas about what to buy, how much to spend, whether to send a V-Day card to your best opposite-sex friend...

There are oodles of articles telling you what to do on Valentine’s Day, but not many about what not to do. So here’s our rundown of the top mistakes to avoid.

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• Give the perfect V-Day kiss

Give the perfect V-Day kiss

Rebecca Garson | Monday 02 February | 11:47

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner so you better get those lips ready for some serious kissing action.

If it’s your first date you have to get the kiss right. A kiss can make or break a relationship before it has even begun!

If you kiss like a fish, chances are your Valentine won’t get in touch with you after February 14th. 

In order to make your Valentine’s Day “smoocheriffic”, check out our gallery below on how to give the perfect kiss and make your date end with a bang!

So now you know how to kiss the next step is what to wear. Don't miss Sky Styles hot date looks, which are guaranteed to make your date drool!


Looking for love this Valentine's Day? Find your perfect match through Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies!
 

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• The 30 best Valentine’s Day gestures

The 30 best Valentine’s Day gestures

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 02 February | 09:18

Don’t believe your partner when they say: “Don’t get me a Valentine’s Day present, it’s all silly.” Silly or not, when February 14 arrives, every lover in the land wants a piece of that V-Day action.

The first secret to hitting the V-Day bullseye is to think, think, think about what your partner would love to receive. The second secret is to use your imagination. Forget about shop-bought cards, and show your love in a way that’ll live in their memory and put a smile on their face.

Here are a few gesture ideas to get your imagination buzzing.

Looking for love this Valentine's Day? Find your perfect match through Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies! 

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• Top Ten Romantic Films

Top Ten Romantic Films

Rebecca Garson | Sunday 01 February | 13:11

Valentine's Day is the time to be with the person you love. If you have spent all of your money on buying presents for your partner this Valentine's Day, have a night in and watch one of Sky Dating's Top Ten Romantic Movies.

They will make you laugh, they will make you cry and they will make you fall in love all over again!

Can you guess what steals the number one spot? Take a guess and then click through our gallery below to see if you picked the right one!

Is there a romantic film we haven't mentioned that would be on your top ten list? If so, leave your comments below.

If you are looking for someone to watch one of these films with, click here and let Sky Dating help you!

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• 10 romantic getaways for under £100

10 romantic getaways for under £100

Jane Hoskyn | Sunday 01 February | 09:09

Fun and romance needn’t go out the window when you’re watching the pennies.

Here are 10 getaway ideas that’ll give you and your partner a thrill, without giving your bank balance a shock.


1. Swap homes with an Amsterdam artist

Home-swapping is like online dating for holidays. Members of worldwide sites like HomeExchange browse listings, contact each other and arrange to “swap” homes for a holiday. That means free accommodation and a free house-sitter.

Too good to be true? In 14 years and tens of thousands of exchanges, HomeExchange has never had a report of a theft or malicious vandalism.

Our quick search found an artist’s Amsterdam flat, a family home in Brooklyn and a beach apartment in Sydney. The only downside is that you need a home to offer them (temporarily) in return.

Price of love: $125 (£82) a year to browse and post listings. If you don’t house-swap with anyone in the first year, your second year is free.
Find out more: www.homeexchange.com


2. Skinny dip in the Lakes

Feeling brave? Whip ‘em off and swim together in a mountain pool. Langstrath Country Inn in the Lake District is surrounded by waterfalls, some in open fell and others hidden in the woods. (We’ll take the woods, thanks.)

You can’t fault the romantic credentials of the Lakes. This is where Wordsworth and co hung out in the 18th century, writing poems and ingesting naughty substances. Best stick to hot chocolate.

Price of love: Doubles from £75.
Find out more: www.thelangstrath.com


3. Lose your heart (not your savings) in Paris

Eurostar may be slicker, but coach company Eurolines is the smart choice for romantic day-trippers. Grab a double seat at the back of the coach and snog all the way to gay Paree. Whisper sweet nothings atop the Eiffel Tower, swan around the Louvre – and be home in time for tea. Well, a midnight feast.

Price of love: From £12 one way.
Find out more: www.eurolines.co.uk


4. Sleep at the station

The Old Railway Station Guesthouse in Sussex began life as Petworth railway station. It’s now a stunning little B&B, with rooms in the station house and suites in converted Edwardian Pullman carriages. Breakfast is served next to a raging log fire in the booking hall.

Price of love: Doubles from £83; Pullman suites from £105.
Find out more: www.old-station.co.uk


5. Tea for two at the Ritz

A Saturday in central London needn’t involve the crowded horror of Oxford Street. The famous Ritz Hotel offers a more refined day out. Enjoy an eye-popping collection of sandwiches (yes, including cucumber), cakes, scones and sticky pastries, with tea or coffee to wash it all down. Smart dress is compulsory.

Price of love: £82 for two.
Find out more: www.lastminute.com


6. His n’ hers massage

A rub-down is guaranteed to get the blood flowing. The voucher from Virgin buys you a 25-minute deep tissue massage (his) and Swedish or aromatherapy massage (hers), plus one-day use of spa facilities at one of numerous health clubs around the country. Your only problem is how to choose between the swimming pool, sauna, steam room and hot tub. Decisions…

Price of love: £65 for two.
Find out more: www.sky.com/shopping


7. Sleep in a four-poster

Jabajak Country Retreat is a small but perfectly-formed boutique hotel in Carmarthenshire, West Wales. There’s a restaurant, craft shop and even a vineyard, and the sumptuous rooms have four-posters and bare beams. Go quad biking or white water rafting (the hotel will arrange it), or find a way to pass the time in that four-poster.

Price of love: Doubles from £45.
Find out more: www.jabajak.co.uk


8. Roam the balmy lochside

An off-season trip to Plockton on the Highland coast is a romantic’s dream – you’ll practically have the misty crags and cliff gardens to yourselves. The hotel’s owners Tom and Dorothy promise a comfy stay for even the weediest Sassenachs, thanks to the warm air of the Gulf Stream. The area even has palm trees. Would you credit it?

Price of love: Doubles from £55.
Find out more: www.plocktonhotel.co.uk


9. Be a Prisoner

The kooky village of Portmeirion in Cardigan Bay was the setting for cult 60s TV classic The Prisoner, and it’s a fantastic (if somewhat creepy) place to visit for the day. The village was built on a private peninsula by Welsh architect Clough Williams-Ellis, and it’s within easy reach of sandy beaches and Snowdonia National Park.

Price of love: £7 entry to the village; from £8 to camp at nearby Blaen Cefn.
Find out more: www.portmeirion-village.com, www.walestouristsonline.co.uk


10. Sample the Guinness in Dublin

Forget the River Liffey and Oscar Wilde’s house – Dublin’s top visitor attraction is the Guinness Storehouse, in the heart of the Guinness brewery. After a tour of the brewery, you and your other half can relax in the Gravity Bar with a complimentary pint of the black stuff.

Price of love: £30 for two, plus Ryanair flights from £5 one-way.
Find out more: www.goldenmoments.com


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• How to argue without breaking up

How to argue without breaking up

Kate Faithful | Monday 26 January | 09:16

Shouting and smashing glasses can actually be good for your relationship. Yes, really! Fighting is a healthy way to express your darkest thoughts and ultimately, show how much you really care about each other.


Don’t roll your eyes

Sneering and sighing in disgust are out too. You want to give your partner a bit of constructive criticism, not show them contempt. Listen respectfully and you’ll get the positive outcome you’re after.


Go down memory lane

Remember the first argument you and your partner ever had? Well, it’s likely the pattern you started then is being repeated in some form now. So, if you’re locking horns over him choosing football over you, you’re really annoyed about the first time he didn’t listen to you. ID the source of your row and you’ve got a better chance of navigating your way through it.


Look unconvinced

When you look unsure of your opinion, your partner will make more effort to see your point of view because they don’t want to see you flailing about. It’s actually a good way of subtly arguing your point.


Ask him for a solution

Something deep in men’s genetic programming means he gets a real kick from finding solutions to problems. Instead of saying, ‘How dare you be an hour late to meet me,’ try, ‘How will you make sure you’re more considerate next time?’ Involve him in finding a solution and chances are he’ll respond positively to the challenge.


Quit to get ahead

It’s easy to fall into the trap where we care more about winning the argument than what we’re actually fighting about. So next time you’re bickering in circles, say, ‘You win, maybe I am overreacting.’ Your partner will be so pleased they’ve won that they’ll happily pay for the bill you fell out about in the first place.


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• The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone

Rebecca Garson | Monday 26 January | 09:09

TV shows have shown us what can happen when friends date. Dawson and Joey from Dawson’s Creek gave it a go, as did Ross and Rachel and Monica and Chandler from Friends. It doesn’t always end happily ever after as our Capeside friends showed us - Pacey ended up with Joey leaving poor Dawson out in the cold! Ross and Rachel certainly didn’t have a smooth journey either - we all remember the “WE WERE ON A BREAK” saga!

With all the “should we, shouldn’t we”, the arguing and the confusion, is dating a friend really worth all the hassle and possible heartache?

We take a look at the pros and cons…

THE PROS


You know each others secrets

Dating a friend means you know everything about them; their deepest darkest secrets and their past romances. Consequently you don’t have to worry if they are hiding something from you.


You know you’ll get along

One of the most awkward things about dating someone in the early stages is finding out whether you have that spark and similar interests. If you are considering dating a friend you don’t have to worry about that. You wouldn’t be friends with someone you didn’t like!


Your friends know them

If they are a very close friend of yours, the chances are all your friends know them too. This means you avoid having to introduce your new squeeze to your mates and worrying about what they will think of them.


You trust them

You know you can tell your closest friends anything and they won’t judge you. So, if you date a friend, even better! You can tell them what’s on your mind and know they will be there for you. One of the biggest things you need in a relationship is trust, and that can take time to build – so if you have it right at the start then you are a step ahead of most other couples out there.

THE CONS


It may not work out

Obviously the biggest con in dating a friend is that it may not work out, and if it doesn’t there is a risk that you may lose them as a friend, as well as a lover. If you are considering dating a friend, then you should discuss this with them early on and see whether you think it's worth it.


Revenge

If things do go belly up they may use your darkest secrets to get back at you. It may not hurt so much coming from someone you have only just met, but if your closest friend in the world starts saying horrible things, the pain will be a hundred times worse.


There is no going back

Once you leave the ‘friends zone’, there is no going back. There is no way you can revert back to the way things were before you became intimate.


There is no getting to know you stage

One of the most exciting parts of dating someone is getting to know them. You learn about their likes, dislikes and hopes for the future. If you are dating a friend, you know all that, so what can you talk about on your first date?


Unfortunately there is no easy answer as to whether you should date a friend. But as expert author Peter Portero points out: “Be sure your desire to be romantically involved with the person means more to you than the friendship. If these questions lead you to still want to date them, then go ahead and take a shot!”


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• From the bar to the bedroom

From the bar to the bedroom

Rebecca Garson | Friday 23 January | 09:53

Is your sex life far from sizzling? If so, get yourself down to your nearest book store and buy a copy of From the Bar to the Bedroom (HarperCollins, £8.99). Read it, store it and act on it and women will be putty in your hands in time for Valentine’s Day!

AskMen.com’s book contains all that vital information needed to get the girl of your dreams. It’s not rocket science, just 11 rules to help build your confidence and master the art of seduction!

“With instructive illustrations, later chapters focus on foreplay and setting the scene, and provide a variety of positions, techniques and tricks to maximize her pleasure,” says James Bassil is the editor-in-chief of AskMen.com.

To whet your appetite for this lustrous read, in the chapter dedicated to role play AskMen.com talks you through how to create fantasy scenarios from Headmistress and Pupil, Boss and Secretary, and Stripper and Client so that you and your partner can spice things up in the bedroom, or the place of your choosing!

This is probably something you wouldn’t want to try on your first date mind you!

So what are these 11 rules that will help you conquer your fears and make you the ultimate Lothario?

Browse through our gallery below to get a taster of AskMen.com’s 11 rules for picking up and pleasuring women.

You’ll be surprised; they aren’t all downright kinky but include helpful advice on connecting and satisfying the lady in question!


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• A dishy doc is the perfect medicine!

A dishy doc is the perfect medicine!

Rebecca Garson | Friday 23 January | 09:33

We all have our fantasies and let’s face it a dishy doctor is one of them. Picture Patrick Dempsey, aka Dr. McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy, or the gorgeous Izzie Stephens (Katherine Heigl) being on hand to assist you with your every need.

Forget about lowering your temperature with a sexy doctor you will be feverish. So if you want to get all hot and bothered browse through our gallery of male and female hot docs straight from our site!

Find your dream doctor now through Sky Dating!
 

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• First date subtitles

First date subtitles

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 23 January | 09:32

First-daters everywhere can relate to a famous scene in Woody Allen’s 70s movie Annie Hall. While Woody and Annie flirt, their real thoughts are revealed in subtitles such as: “God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a schmuck like the others,” and “I wonder what she looks like naked.”

Don’t you wish that life was like Annie Hall, and the opposite sex came with subtitles? That way, you’d be able to tell whether they’re really interested, whether they’re bored or whether they think your bum looks big in this.

If you’d rather not know, you’d better stop reading now…


Part 1: What SHE’S really thinking on a first date

She says: Hi, are you Paul? You look quite different from your photo!
She means: Can I go home now and save us both a wasted evening?

She says: I’m so sorry I’m late. The train was delayed.
She means: I didn’t leave the house until 10 minutes ago because it took me an hour to get my hair like this.

She says: Let’s sit over here, it’s a bit less rowdy.
She means: Let’s sit over here, the light is far more flattering to my skin.

She says: Um, can I buy you a drink?
She means: I’ll have a vodka and slimline tonic, please.

She says: Have you got any brothers and sisters?
She means: I’m getting bored, so I’m killing time by asking obvious questions.

She says: So you’ve got a younger brother, right…? What’s he like?
She means: I want you to kiss me.

She says: You must think I’m a right chatterbox.
She means: Please for God’s sake will you say something? I’m doing all the work here.

She says: My phone’s ringing… is it OK if I get that?
She means: At last. This is the friend I asked to ring me with an excuse to escape, just in case I needed it. See ya, fella.

She says: My phone’s ringing… never mind, I’ll deal with that later.
She means: Kiss me hard on the mouth, you rippling stallion.

She says: Oh yeah, my ex…
She means: I am not over my ex, and I am dealing with more baggage issues than Heathrow Terminal 5.

She says: I need to get away by 10, because I’ve got a friend staying over.
She means: Please let me leave now. Please. I’m already more bored than I ever thought it was possible to be.

She says: I’m getting another drink… same again?
She means: I’d better get a snog off you later, mister. And it had better be a good one.

(He says: Do you fancy going on somewhere afterwards?)
She says: Um… er, OK, sure.
She means: Do I have to? I’m being polite and I hate myself for it.

(He says: Do you fancy going on somewhere afterwards?)
She says: Ooh I know this club round the corner…
She means: Aces. Let’s get condoms from the all-night garage.


Part 2: What HE’S really thinking on a first date

He says: Gosh, hello!
He means: I would like to have sex with you.

He says: I swear we’ve met somewhere before.
He means: We’ve never met before, but I would like to have sex with you.

He says: You’re quite different from how I expected.
He means: I don’t fancy you as much as I’d hoped. But I’m up for a one-night stand if you are?

He says: I love that dress, it looks like Alice Temperley or something.
He means: I’m gay and confused.

He says: I fancy a ciggie… come outside for a bit?
He means: Let’s get away from the crowd for a bit. Incidentally, I would like to have sex with you.

He says: Haha that’s so girly, ordering a cocktail!
He means: You think I’m being rude, but in fact I’m teasing you because I am a man and it’s the only way I know how to flirt. Will you have sex with me?

(She says: What are you thinking about?)
He says: Your eyelashes are ever so long.
He means: I was wondering if Liverpool could stay top if Everton hold Chelsea to a draw this evening.

He says: Oh I’ve got the DVD box set of that.
He means: Please come round and watch the first 10 minutes of it with me, whilst I remove your clothes.

He says: You remind me a bit of my ex.
He means: Let me out of here.

He says: Have you got any housemates?
He means: Will there be some scruffy bloke in your kitchen if I come back for coffee and sex?

He says: No, let me get the bill.
He means: I’ll feel like a big sexy man if I pay, so indulge me. But it had better be on you next time.

He says: OK, this is my bus. Really nice meeting you, I’ll be in touch.
He means: Never contact me again.

He says: OK, this is my bus. You going the same way?
He means: I would like to have sex with you. Within the next hour, if at all possible.




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• A guide to dating – by a 9-year-old!

A guide to dating – by a 9-year-old!

Rebecca Garson | Friday 23 January | 09:30

Got a single friend who hasn’t quite got the hang of chatting up the fairer sex? Then why not enlist the help of a nine-year-old and buy them Alec Greven’s “How To Talk To Girls” which will be on the shelves in time for Valentines Day.

So how did this phenomena come about? It all started as a writing project that Alec undertook for a creative project at his school in Colorado. Following advice from his teachers he put his pamphlet “How To Talk To Girls” on sale at his school fair in order to fund a new running track for the pupils.

After being sniffed out by the media, this pamphlet has turned into a 46-page hardcover published by HarperCollins after Alec was invited on Ellen DeGeneres's chat show. The book has been such a success that it has even spent a staggering five weeks in the New York Times best-seller's list. And if that wasn't enough

In an interview with the Telegraph Alec said: "If you are a boy who needs help getting girls, this book has all the answers.” He also added that “all statistics in this book are based on my observations at Soaring Hawk Elementary School.”

So what advice does Alec have for boys looking to chat up the girl of their dreams?

“Combing your hair, cutting down on sugar and knowing that while 73 per cent of regular girls ditch boys, the rate increase to 98 per cent for pretty girls.”

Alec also has the following expert advice: "The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you."

So if you follow Alec's advice it is best to go for an ugly duckling because you never know she could turn into a swan!

In Chapter 3 of Grevn's bestseller he writes: "It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry," He even compares girls to motors saying: "Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil."

This boy may know his stuff but he's still single. In an interview with the New York Post he confessed: "I'm a little too young."

He won't have to worry about not having enough money to take a girl out when he eventually gets himself a girlfriend. Alec has a six-figure film deal courtesy of Fox! A bit of a step up from the money he got for his pamplhlet - $3!

So will Alec be writing any more dating novels? It could be on the cards. He told the New York Post that he wants to be a full-time writer when he grows up but on the weekends he would like to work in archaeology or paleontology.

The girls must be queuing up after young Alec!


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• A luscious lawyer will keep you out of trouble!

A luscious lawyer will keep you out of trouble!

Rebecca Garson | Friday 23 January | 09:00

Looking for love? How about if you found your soulmate in the shape of a lucious lawyer? Most people wouldn’t complain!

You could find yourself your very own Eli Stone or Ally McBeal by searching through hundreds of members on Sky Dating.

So ladies and gentleman of the jury we bring before you our gallery of legal lovelies. Are they guilty or not guilty of being super sexy? You decide!
 

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• What women really want for Valentine’s Day

What women really want for Valentine’s Day

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 22 January | 18:00

The woman in your life may think that Valentine’s Day is commercial nonsense. She may dismiss it as a day for greetings card manufacturers to make money and for single friends to feel like outcasts. She may hate the whole idea. But woe betide you if you don’t give her a pressie.

Whatever she thinks of V-Day, she’ll feel rejected if you don’t acknowledge it in some way. Don’t break the bank, but do put some thought into it.

Before you browse our gallery for some ideas to get you started here are six Valentine's Day pressies she doesn't want.


1. A marriage proposal. “Marry me?” should be personal, and there’s nothing personal about Valentine’s Day.

2. A giant padded card with fluffy toy stuck on the front. She is not four years old.

3. Jewellery that cost half your salary. She has to wear it, so let her choose it. And such an extravagant gift suggests that you’re trying too hard or buying her affection.

4. Sexy lingerie. Unless she’s told you she wants some, it’s the gift that says: “Here, love. Put this on and adopt the position.”

5. Gym membership. The gift that says: “Me generous, you fat.”

6. Nothing. Doesn’t matter how poor you are or how V-Day cynical she is, you need to spend some dosh, even if it’s on a DVD in the January sale. Something she wants to see, of course; not a special edition of your favourite Karate Kid movie.


Looking for love? Find your soulmate with Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies!

 

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• How to propose and get a “yes”

How to propose and get a “yes”

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 22 January | 17:35

Proposing marriage is one of the biggest moments in your life, so you want it to go as smoothly as possible.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, here are our tips on asking “will you marry me?” – and what to do if the answer isn’t what you’d hoped for.


What to do


DO discuss the possibility of getting married before you propose. Make sure it's something that you both want, and that you agree on major issues such as whether to have kids.

DO make it a surprise. Even though you’ve discussed the idea of marriage, the moment itself should still be a surprise.

DO test the waters with a proposal-in-disguise. Sidle up while your other half’s doing the washing up, put your chin on their shoulder and say “mm, I want to keep you”. If they respond positively, throw in the word “forever”.

DO spell it out. If you test the waters and get a positive response, your partner may not get the hint. Look them in the eye and say simply: “will you marry me?”

DO pick your moment with tact. Don’t do it when they’re feeling like death after a bad day at work, or when their football team just got a drubbing.

DO think about the venue. Good question-popping spots should be meaningful to you both, whether it’s the living room you share or when you’re on a boat in Paris. Not while you’re waiting for the bus home from Sainsbury’s.

DO tell them why you want to marry them. Your proposal will mean so much more to your partner if you explain why you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

DO prepare for a possible “no”. King George VI was turned down four times by the Queen Mum before he got a “yes” – but then, he was a king. A “no” will probably end your relationship because it underlines that you want different things in life. However…

DO prepare for a “maybe”. You're asking someone to spend the rest of their life with you, and that’s an extremely important decision. If your partner wants to think about it, it doesn’t mean that you failed – it means they’re taking it very seriously.


What not to do


DON’T do it in public. Standing on a table in a packed restaurant and shouting “marry me!” is the stuff of romcom movies, but it will make your partner curl up in embarrassment.

DON’T do it in front of their family. This is about the two of you; it should be a private moment.

DON’T assume that marriage will fix a failing or stale relationship. A wedding may give things a boost, but reality will bite back as soon as the corks are popped. That’s a recipe for a lot of unhappiness.

DON’T propose to someone you’ve known only a few months. You’re still in the honeymoon phase, where you’re full of butterflies and blind to each other’s faults. Wait until you’ve spent at least six months putting up with their snoring.

DON’T do it just after your partner has been promoted at work, bought a great new car or won the lottery. It’ll just look like you’re after their cash.

DON’T buy an engagement ring without your partner. It may seem romantic to present her with a surprise ring, but chances are she would have chosen differently. After you get a “yes”, take her shopping.

DON’T hide an engagement ring in their food. You’re more likely to break their teeth than get a “yes”.

DON’T assume that men have to ask women. Some 20% of men still say they wouldn’t accept a proposal from a woman, but most women wouldn’t want to marry a bloke with such caveman attitudes anyway.

DON’T assume that you have to ask anyone’s permission other than the person you want to marry. If you’re a bloke proposing to your girlfriend, you don’t need to ask her dad’s permission. She’s a grown-up with a mind and a life of her own.

DON’T get married if you start having doubts during your engagement. Don’t get married just because you’re scared of “letting everyone down”. Making vows that you can’t keep is a long-term catastrophe.


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Love for life, not just for Valentine’s Day

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 22 January | 15:08

They say that nothing lasts forever, but some couples make a pretty good go of it. Even the celebrity ones.

Posh and Becks have survived ups, downs and Rebecca Loos for more than 10 years. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith and Courteney Cox and David Arquette have all lasted 14 years, and the late Paul Newman was married to actress Joanne Woodward for 55 years.

Long-term love is some achievement in celeb-land, what with all those parties and groupies. But it's even more of an achievement for us mortals, mainly because Posh and Becks never have to argue about gas bills, and Jada never worked nights in a supermarket to support Will.

Celebs can stay together, too…

Will Smith on communication: "We talk a lot. Sometimes people think we over-talk, but communication is everything."

Christina Aguilera on keeping it spicy with husband Jordan Bratman: "We have naked Sundays. We do everything naked. We cook naked."

Courteney Cox on commitment: "A deal is a deal. Marriage is for keeps."

Paul Newman's widow Joanne Woodward on being friends for life: "Sexiness wears thin after a while, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day was a real treat."

Catherine Zeta-Jones on maintaining space: "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom."


It's not easy making a relationship last for life, especially in these cash-strapped times. But with the right person it's a lot more rewarding than the dating rollercoaster. Here are 10 ways to go the distance.


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How to time your relationship milestones

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 22 January | 12:56

Love is like cooking a Sunday roast: it’s important to get the timing right. Say “I love you” or “marry me?” too soon, and you could strangle your romance at birth. But wait too long, and your beloved may dump you for someone with more romantic oomph.

Unlike a Sunday roast, love doesn’t come with a list of timings. Delia Smith can’t tell you whether to have your first snog two hours or five days into a new relationship. That’s got to be your call.

Help is at hand. We can’t quite do a Delia with your relationship’s recipe, but we can offer guidance on how to time your relationship red letter days.

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• What men really want for Valentine’s Day

What men really want for Valentine’s Day

Jane Hoskyn | Wednesday 21 January | 17:07

Mention Valentine’s Day to most blokes, and they’ll quickly change the subject to trucks, power tools or DNS server upload speeds. V-Day is a silly girly thing, and he wants nothing to do with it – in public, that is.

In secret, your man will sulk like a slapped child if you don’t at least acknowledge Valentine’s Day. He loves attention and pressies just as much as you do.

Just make sure that you give him something he’ll appreciate - like some seriously sexy new underwear? Sky Style's top 10 picks show how undies can be sexy and tasteful…

Browse our gallery for a few pressie ideas that’ll make you the Valentine of his dreams.

But before you get clicking, take a look at the five Valentine's Day presents he doesn't want.


1. A new jumper. Don’t buy him clothes unless he’s chosen them and tried them on.


2. A Borat mankini. Funny in 2007. Sexy in no circumstances, ever.


3. Free weights, a Wii Fit or similar. He’d probably love them, but not as a present from you. They’re the gift that says: “pull your finger out, lardbucket”.


4. Posh restaurant dinner. Too much fuss, and such small portions. He’d rather you spent the money on something he can keep and play with in a manly and/or geeky manner.


5. Nothing. He doesn’t want you to shower him with presents, because he’ll feel the need to reciprocate, and you may seem clingy and too eager to please. But if you don’t get him anything, he’ll think you don’t appreciate him.


Looking for love this Valentine's Day? Find your perfect match through Sky Dating and don't miss our Valentine's Day site with extravagant escapades, glamorous get-aways, gratifying gifts and romantic recipies!



 

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Have an extreme Valentine’s

Katie Silcox | Wednesday 21 January | 16:57

 

Bungee Jump

Fall from the skies, and then bounce straight back up again! This takes some guts but will certainly be memorable. There are so many bungee experiences available, such as indoor, outdoor, off a bridge, a double-whammy (one jump after another) – but we think perhaps the best idea for a Valentine’s date is to do it together in a tandem bungee. What could be more romantic than seeing your partners screaming face?!

Sky Dive

Feel the exhilaration as you jump from thousands of feet with just a parachute as safety. Tandem sky dives will be with a qualified instructor. We recommend getting a video recorded of your jump so the memory can live on forever…

Powerboat

Don’t just hit the waves, create the waves with a high-speed powerboat experience. Choose a powerboat for two and fly across the waters together at speeds of up to 125 mph – hold on tight! Most powerboat experiences will allow you to take hold of the reigns and drive the boat yourself.

White Water Rafting

Run the rapids with a white water rafting experience. Feel the spine-tingling excitement as you twist and turn through the rough waters. This is without doubt a day you’ll never forget.

Helicopter flight

You’ll feel like one of the rich and famous as you take to the skies in a way usually reserved for only them. Learn about the craft as it travels forwards, backwards and sideways – not to mention the feeling when it hovers motionless in the sky. Pilots will even sometimes allow you a go with the controls. Flights take place throughout the country, but for that extra special treat why not fly above the river Thames in London, giving a whole new perspective to London sightseeing.

Swimming with sharks

A sure fire way to get the adrenaline pumping is by a swim with sharks. You’ll be classed as either brave or stupid if you take part in this hair-raising experience, but it can be really rewarding. Scuba-training is usually included and you’ll have a chance to swim with different types of shark – dependent on where you take part.

Quad Biking

The ultimate in machines, mess and mayhem! After some safety training you’ll be venturing off the beaten track and through the open lands – as quad-biking’s meant to be. Woods, water, and slopes will suddenly become fun as you confront them all with ease.

Spy for the day

What cooler way to spend the day than training in all things spy-related. You’ll fire pistols and sniper rifles, learn escape techniques and be a part of a shoot out. The perfect gift for any James Bond wannabes…

Mountain climbing

Some of Scotland’s greatest highlands are just waiting for you to climb. Mountain climbing can be extremely challenging but you’ll be looked after as you trek the rugged grounds. And rest assured, the journey will be equally beautiful and rewarding.

Paintballing

Choose a paintballing experience for two – not your most typical romantic setting as you’ll spend most of the day hiding from and shooting each other. It is incredibly fun though – and just think about all that ‘together’ time you’ll have to make up for in the evening!


Looking for someone to have an extreme Valentine's Day with? Find your perfect partner on Sky Dating.

 

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• The Perfect Girls’ Night In

The Per