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Meeting the parents?

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 31 January 2008 | 10:28

You have been with your partner a while now, protected in your little love cocoon and enjoying the honeymoon period when all that matters is each other.

Then suddenly your other half breaks the news that you have been invited to their parents’ house for dinner, or – in other words – for a full-blown interrogation.

Now this is a good sign. Meeting the parents means that your partner is serious about a future with you. But on the down side, it’s one scary experience, so take your battle armour with you as it may be in for one hell of a beating! 

Remember, parents are very protective over their children, even more so when it comes to women. If you are a guy, you are taking away Daddy’s special girl, and similarly if you are a girl the Mum may be hostile towards you for threatening to take away her son. So if you don’t pass the parents test, there could be upsetting relationship issues for years to come.

So how can you make meeting the parents a success and be invited into their “circle of trust” Robert De Niro style?  Here are our top tips on how to navigate potential in-law territory and make a good impression.

1. Ask your partner for background information before you go. It is important to find out their likes and dislikes and any no-go conversational topics in advance, so that you don’t make a fatal error or offend them. For instance, if your partner’s father is an Arsenal fan and you support Spurs, it may not go down too well if you start joking about Spurs thrashing the Gunners in the League Cup last season!

2. Fleur Britten, author of Etiquette for Girls (Debrett’s, 2006), suggests that you dress to impress but advises not to over do it: “If you overdress you won’t feel relaxed and it may intimidate them”. If you under-dress and turn up in scruffy clothes they will think you aren’t making the effort. Get the balance right, rather than trying to be too individual at first.

3. Take a gift with you – this doesn’t have to be anything too out there like a day trip for two to Brands Hatch. A bunch of flowers (not from a petrol station!), bottle of wine or box of chocolates is a polite gesture.

4. In terms of your general attitude when you meet the parents, Fleur Britten feels the best approach is to be solid and supportive: “Never gang up on your partner to get the parents on side, and also remember that gushing compliments will ring out as creepy and insincere.”

5. She also gives some useful information about sleeping arrangements with your partner. “If you are sharing a bedroom, be super discreet.” If you are in separate rooms, do not creep in at the dead of night to be together. If you get caught, the parents will think you don’t respect them or their wishes.

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