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Stewing over your ex?

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 03 July 2008 | 14:49

It may be days, weeks, months or even years before you get over your ex. It’s heartbreaking and it certainly isn’t easy. Maybe your approach is to go out and drink your sorrows away, or maybe you just suffocate indoors looking at old pictures and listening to music that reminds you of them. Either way, this isn’t healthy, and sooner or later you are going to have to leave your ex behind you and move on, especially if you eventually want to meet someone new.

Here are our steps to moving on:

1. Accept Reality
It may sound harsh but you will never get over your ex unless you accept that they’re gone. This isn’t going to happen overnight, it all depends how much of a serious relationship you were in and how long you were together. The quicker you accept the fact that you and your ex are over the sooner you will be able to move on with your life. It’s very easy to only remember the good times, but remember, you broke up for a reason. Make a list of all the reasons your relationship didn’t work and every time you start thinking about your ex and how perfect they were, get the list out. Even better, stick it on the fridge!

2. Erase them
Get rid of everything you have that reminds you of your ex, whether it be an item of clothing, photographs or CDs. Put any presents they gave you in the bin and if you can’t bring yourself to do that, then put them in a box in the loft, bolt it and throw away the key. If you keep looking at these keepsakes then you’ll constantly be reminded of them. Also, delete their phone number, email address and any other means you have of contacting them. If the temptation is there you may buckle and this could be disastrous and put you back at square one.

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3. Do not stay friends
This is a big mistake. Victoria Holmes, relationship correspondent for Ask.Men.com, advises you to stay well away: “Although the optimists among us like to think that it's possible to retain a friendship with their ex, the realists know that this is just not going to happen. There are always unresolved issues that cause former lovers to act in strange ways.” So if they ask you “can we still be friends”, as tempting as it may be, say no! Plus, if you do get a new partner, they won’t be happy knowing that you are still in contact with your ex.

4. Talk to your friends
It’s very easy to just stay indoors and be miserable, but the key to a quick recovery is your friends. They are there to make you smile, to listen and to give you advice, and are guaranteed to make you feel a hundred times better. Open up to them about your relationship and how you feel, and they may do the same back. Also, in Elizabeth Kuster’s book Exorcising Your Ex: How To Get Rid Of The Demons Of Relationships Past, she writes about tried-and-true solutions from dozens of women who have survived the trauma of breaking up. Hearing about other people’s tales of relationship woes will make you feel better and show you that you aren’t alone.

5. Get out of the house
Go out with your friends or take up a new hobby. This could be anything from cooking classes, to enrolling at the gym. By doing so you will keep yourself active and happy – and you won’t even have time to think about your ex. Plus, you never know who you could meet!

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