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I want you back!

Rebecca Garson | Thursday 03 July 2008 | 14:36

Breaking up is never easy, but the process of getting back together again can be even harder. Does your lover feel the same? Here are tips on how to convince your ex that you should try again.

1. Firstly, before you try to get back together with your ex, think long and hard about whether this is exactly what you want. When you first break up with someone your emotions are all over the place. You cry, you get angry, you cry some more and as a result you could end up doing something you regret. Let yourself come to terms with the initial shock of breaking up, and when you think you don’t need any more boxes of Kleenex, this is the time to collect your thoughts and think about the relationship. You are bound to feel lonely, at first, but this is not a valid reason for wanting to try again. It has to be because deep down you want to and know it’s right, not just so you have company when all your friends are busy.

2. When people break up with their ex, their initial reaction is often to bombard them with phone calls, crying down the earpiece and begging them in fits of hysterics to give it another shot. This is the worst thing you could do. The reason you broke up in the first place was because something was obviously wrong and so it’s clear that someone needs a break. If you do keep contacting them it will make you look needy. Give them time to think about what has happened too, because then, like you, they may realise that breaking up was a mistake and get in touch.

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3. Keep yourself busy. After you break up with someone, don’t be on your own too much, because all you will do is stew over the break up and get upset. Elliot Beers, an online relationship guru, believes that getting out of the house is vital following a break-up. “You need to occupy yourself and learn to develop a self-realisation of who you are. Getting out will also be helpful for when you get back with your ex,” he says. “Your conversations will be spurred along by some of the new stories you have to tell.”

4. Elliot also advises being yourself. “There was a reason that you and your ex were initially attracted to each other, and this was because you are a unique person. Think of what made these first weeks or months so special, and try to identify what has changed.” Sometimes when you have been with someone for so long you can fall into a routine, and because of this you don’t make the effort to try new things and keep the relationship fresh and new. Try and be the person you were when you first met and make them see that in you and that you haven’t changed.

5. Once you have had a good think, call your ex and tell them how you feel. Stay calm and above all be honest. Without honesty your relationship will never work. Tell them where you think the relationship went wrong and what you think you can both do to fix it.

Of course, there is always the possibility that they will turn round and say that there is no chance of reconciliation, but if that does happen at least you will know that you tried and did all that you can to fix things. Then you can take the first step to moving on and getting on with your life. But if you do get back together then remember why you broke up and the pain it caused. Whatever you do, don’t slip back into your old routine. If you want to be together, then you have to put each other first and communicate.

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