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Clean your love life!

Jane Hoskyn | Friday 25 July 2008 | 15:40

1. Turf out your exes
Stop collecting “friends” who are in fact exes. If you’re hanging on in the belief that somehow you’ll get back together, you need a gentle slap about the face. It’s not going to happen. Your relationship went belly-up for a reason. If they dumped you, they dumped you.

Being friends with an ex may work out nicely for you both – but only if years have passed, there are no lovelorn feelings left on either side, and you’re both in happy new hook-ups. Otherwise it’s a waste of your time and energy, and could derail new relationship by stoking jealousies and insecurities.

2. Blow out your candles
Still carrying a torch for a former crush? Snuff it out before it blinds you. There’s nothing like a crush that’s past its sell-by date to cloud your love judgement.

The best and quickest way to get over someone is also the toughest: ban all contact with them. It will hurt like hell at first, because it’s a final admission that nothing will ever happen between you. But it works. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” quickly gives way to “out of sight, out of mind”.

3. Chuck out your souvenirs

Still keeping that ticket stub from when you and an ex went to see Mama Mia? Got a drawer full of PS2 games that your ex didn’t want any more, so left with you instead? Get rid.

It can be nice to feel a buzz of nostalgia when you come across a souvenir of an old flame. But put it into perspective. All that stuff is just taking up space in your home and giving you a rose-tinted view of the past.

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4. Bypass the also-rans
Fear of being single often drives us to accept dates – and more dates – with people we don’t really fancy. Plenty of us also stay in relationships that aren’t working, simply because we’re scared of not being in a couple.

While you’re wasting precious time with Mr or Ms OK-I-Suppose, you could be missing out on Mr or Ms Right. All that time you spend watching dull telly with the wrong person is time you could be spending having a great time with the right person.

If you find it hard to cut and run, remind yourself that you’re wasting Mr or Ms OK-I-Suppose’s time as much as your own. Set them free to find someone who really wants them.

5. Unravel your knots
Most of us are creatures of habit. We eat breakfast at a certain time, we watch EastEnders on a Sunday afternoon, and we like to sleep on “our” side of the bed. None of those habits should do too much harm to your love life, but repeatedly going for the same type of partner probably will.

The fact that all your previous relationships came a cropper may be a clue
that your “type” needs changing. Whether it’s going for people who play hard to get, or always falling for work colleagues, seek out the self-defeating patterns in your love choices – and try another type for a change.

6. De-clutter your timetable
All work and no play makes Jack or Jane a dull boy or girl, especially in the love stakes. An overworked, underslept partner is no good to anybody.

If you have a demanding job, it’s not always easy to allow time for socialising and relationships. But your happiness (and health) will benefit if you try to strike a balance. Life is too short to sacrifice love for work.

Once you free up your schedule, put yourself out there and mingle. Join a club, go to a party, give yourself permission to wander round a gallery all day. As you get used to chatting to strangers during your me-time, you’ll become a more natural flirt.

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7. Trim down your approach
Stop scattergunning. If you’re trying to meet someone online, it can be tempting to contact as many people as possible, but it’s counter-productive. You won’t have the time or the inclination to make each person feel special – and that’s the key to making them interested in you.

Also tread carefully if you get more than one offer of a date. Most Brits hate the US style of dating, where you date lots of people simultaneously until you decide to “go exclusive” with one. You shouldn’t have to compare two or more people in order to know whether you like one of them.

8. Streamline your social circle
Still spending time with friends who, if you’re honest, you don’t like much? Then stop it. Your leisure time is precious, so don’t be a martyr to people who make you feel bad when they’re around.

9. Spruce up your wardrobe
You love that rancid old dressing gown more than life itself. But you won’t get much action if you insist on wearing it whilst snuggling up with your new hottie on the sofa. If you haven't worn something in a year, give it to Oxfam.

10. Clean up at home
A cluttered wreck of a home is easy to live in alone. But the moment you want to invite someone back, it’s panic stations. Clean up at home and you’ll soon want to show it off – and you’ll feel better about yourself to boot.

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