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7 New Year’s dating resolutions

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 06 December 2007 | 14:28

I bet there are a few things you’d go back and change if you had the chance. Sometimes I wish life had a Ctrl Z function like a computer keyboard. Said something treacly to a date, only to see horror flash across his eyes? A quick Ctrl Z and you’ve unsaid it. Magic!

 

Sadly, life isn’t like a computer keyboard, but you can learn from your mistakes. By putting those lessons into practice in 2008, you can help ensure that this year’s dating rollercoaster will have more ups than downs this year.

 

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How do you decide what your resolutions should be? Start by looking back at 2007 and thinking about what you’d like to change for 2008. Also be honest about the dating habits you’d like to change. Just as you might want to get healthier by giving up smoking, so you might want to boost your sanity by breaking your habit of confusing lust for love and “falling for” everyone you fancy.

 

Some of your resolutions will be unique to you, but I reckon most of our bad dating habits are very common. So to help motivate you in 2008, here are seven resolutions that many single women and men will relate to. Peek at the list every time you feel yourself slipping into old habits – and good luck!

 

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1. Get out there

You don’t get a date by sitting around chewing your navel. The next love of your life (or lust of your week) is not going to parachute into your living room half way through Spooks. Sort out your online dating profile and log on every day to see who’s new. Accept social invitations through friends, through work and through your dating site. For example, sites like DatingDirect.com run singles nights where you can safely chat up that dish at the bar without worrying that their other half is about to appear and smack you round the face.

 

2. Ditch the ex

Stop mentioning the ex on dates. Stop thinking about the ex when you’re in bed with someone, and stop comparing every new date to the ex. The ex is the ex. They’re gone. Goodbye.

 

3. Sell yourself

We’re brought up to believe that selling yourself is being arrogant, but it ain’t so. Know your strong points and play them up. If you have a great sense of humour, use it to write a witty online dating profile. If you’ve got a tiny waist, dress to show it off – don’t swamp yourself. Think of all the nice compliments you’ve ever received, and believe them. If you’re insecure you’ll come across as needy and desperate. And that’s not a good look.

 

4. Trust your gut
If you’re started seeing someone and you’ve given them a fair chance but it doesn’t feel right, don’t stay because “who else would have me?”. Life’s too short, and you’re wasting their time as well as your own.

 

5. Widen your remit

We all have a type that we go after – often it’s based on the last ex or crush who broke our heart. But refusing to talk to or click on people who fall outside our “fancy zone” cuts you off from a whole load of people who might be right up your alley. Lust is an odd beast, and can bite you when you least expect it.

 

6. Don’t expect every one to be The One

Go on dates. Go on lots and lots of dates. Have flings. Have so many flings, your mother would disown you if she could see you now. Learn to distinguish lust from love, and enjoy it. Casual dating is fun, not failure. So what if the fun only lasts for a few weeks? You’ve got your rocks off, you’ve broadened your mind (I’m guessing you had at least one conversation before jumping into bed), and you don’t have to spend Christmas with their parents. What’s not to love about that?

 

7. Talk less, listen more

When you’re on a date, you are not the most interesting person in the room – your date is. Recite and repeat 20 times each night and each morning.

 

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