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10 signs they’re hooked

Jane Hoskyn | Monday 09 June 2008 | 11:44

Relationships unfold in similar ways. First comes the thrill of meeting and realising “wow, they like me too”. Then there’s the kind of lust that you never imagined you’d feel again. After that, a few weeks or even months down the line, reality starts to bite. You wonder: are they in it for the long haul?

No matter how many relationships you’ve had, that question never gets easier to answer. You’re not telepathic. And you know that asking someone how committed they are may, ironically, awaken the commitment-phobe in them.

So you need to look out for the unspoken signs that prove your new partner wants to stick around. Some of these signs might take you by surprise, but you’ll probably recognise them.

1. You go out together, not just stay in together

You might assume that a string of cosy nights in is the number one sign of a relationship that will last the course. Not necessarily so.

If your partner really wants to be with you in the long-term, they want to show you off. They want to experience things with you, and they want to treat you well.

Your commitment radar should be glowing if your partner takes you to places that they wouldn’t have chosen alone. If you’re seeing a football fanatic and he takes you to the opera because he knows you’d love it, that’s a sure sign of commitment. If you’re seeing a football-phobe and she takes you to the big match – well, she’s definitely yours!

2. They say they’re going golfing at the weekend

Wouldn’t a truly committed partner invite you along? Again, not necessarily. When someone shares their plans with you, even down to the most mundane details about how they’re going shopping after work, it means that you’re a part of their life. You are included, and important to them.

Conversely, if the first you know about your partner’s golfing weekend is a brace of happy photos in an online album, the long-term outlook is less sunny.

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3. They wonder where “we” should spend Christmas

Apologies for mentioning the dreaded turkey season this early on, but that’s what you’ll get from a partner who sees you as part of their future. They’re not being presumptuous or pushy, they’re committed to the idea of you two as a couple.

4. You get a joint invite to their niece’s wedding

Just as a committed partner will assume that you’re part of their future, so they’ll assume that you’re part of their social circle. Indeed, part of their family. They will have told family and friends about you, and those family and friends will start to treat the two of you as a unit.

If your lover’s nearest and dearest embrace you as one of their own, it’s probably because they’ve seen how happy you’re making each other. Chances are they hope it will last!

Similarly, if you’re invited to work dos or even after-work drinks, it shows that your partner wants to show you off, and that they are proud to be seen with you as a couple.

5. They take you to the town where they grew up

Going for a drive around a residential suburb may seem like an odd choice of weekend adventure. But when someone you’re seeing wants to show you their childhood home, their old school and the café where they had their first Saturday job, they are saying: “This is my life, and I want you in it.”

This is one of the biggest signs of commitment you’ll ever get – far more reliable than “I love you.”

6. They gatecrash your Monday yoga class

When your partner takes an interest in your hobbies, they’re trying to become a bigger part of your life. They want to know the real you and find out what makes you tick. They also want you to see that they’re expressing an interest.

If your hobbies are far removed from theirs, but they still want to learn about your interests, consider yourself beloved!

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7. They ring up to moan about work

Not terribly romantic, you may think. But when you’re the first person they want to talk to about the day’s boring niggles, or something trivial that happened at lunchtime, it’s a very good sign.

Once your partner considers you to be their best friend, their confidante and you’re the first person they want to talk to when there’s something on their mind, you really are the one they want to be with. Just try not to sound bored!

8. They take your kids out for lunch

Not such a surprising one, this. But it’s absolutely key. If you have children from a previous marriage or partner, their relationship with your new lover is a barometer of your future as a couple. If they feel happy and relaxed in each other’s company, you’ve bagged a long-term winner.

Likewise, if your partner has children and is keen for you all to get to know each other, they want you to be a family.

9. They love their job

Shouldn’t a truly committed partner love you more than they love their job? Well, it’s true that they may start spending less time obsessing over work now that they’re with you. Work won’t always be number one priority any more.

But someone who enjoys what they do and is settled in their professional life is more likely to commit to a long-term relationship. A partner who is restless at work and has flitted from career to career over the years may not be the type to stick with you down the years.

If your partner starts to mutter about ditching work to travel the world, and they use “I” rather than “we”, get out before your heart gets broken.

10. They sulk if you row

When your partner gets upset over disagreements with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re stubborn or unwilling to compromise. Chances are they wouldn’t be half as upset about a row with anyone else. But because there’s bad feeling between the two of you, it hurts.

What’s more, your partner probably feels bad because you’re not happy. That kind of instinctive empathy is what the best relationships are built on.

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