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The morning after the first date

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 11 October 2007 | 10:49

The details may have changed, but the general idea is the same. You had a good time, you think he had a good time, you’d like to him again, you hope he’d like to see you again, and you haven’t got the foggiest idea what he’s thinking or what you should do about it.

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The day after a great first date is an emotional rollercoaster. In the morning, you’re chock full of butterflies and radiating that rather smug sense of “I’ve pulled”, which makes you smile knowingly in the street. Careful: passers-by may wish to punch you in the face for being happier than them.

In the afternoon, you‘re still fairly pleased with yourself, but as afternoon turns to evening with no word from Mr Hot Stuff, the little voice of doom can start to howl. Did he sleep on it and decide you weren’t the gal for him? Did you mis-read his signals? Did you get your hopes up yet again over another lost cause? Should you just text him?

Yep, it can turn quickly from being fresh and exciting to being utterly hideous. Chances are the poor chap’s just busy at work or trying to play it cool. But with no idea what he’s thinking, it’s only natural for you to end up feeling restless and insecure. Here’s a quick guide to surviving the emotional swamp.

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DON’T do nothing. This will turn minutes into hours and make you a nervous wreck. Let him be one of the things you think about, not the only thing.

DO attack all those work deadlines and dull admin emails you’ve been neglecting. After meeting someone you really like, you’re flooded with the “pleasure hormone” dopamine. Using this energy for something constructive will leave you feeling good about yourself, and may help take the edge off if the loser doesn’t get in touch.

DON’T find out where he works and turn up for lunch, telling the receptionist “oh it’s OK, I’m his girlfriend.”

DO pull on the Marigolds, turn up the music and get cleaning. Your action-hormones will have you primed for the task. Once you get absorbed in the task, the time will pass quickly.

DON’T sit by the phone. Don’t even look at the infernal thing.

DO go for a wander round the shops. Without your mobile.

DON’T sit by your computer, refreshing your email inbox every two minutes in the hope of seeing his name pop up.

DO have a pampering day, just for the sake of having a pampering day. Switch your phone off and unplug the computer.

DON’T have a pampering day with the sole intention of being all buff next time you see him. Sod’s First Law of Dating states that the day you don’t shave your legs is the day you finally get some action, so giving yourself a head-to-toe wax n’ polish is just tempting fate. You’re bound never to see him again.

DO go to the gym, for a walk or run, or out on your bike… whichever exercise floats your boat. It’ll get the endorphins flowing, boost your self-esteem and acts as yet another distraction.

DON’T empty the contents of the fridge down your throat. Yes it will make you feel momentarily ecstatic and it’ll pass the time, but after that fridge is empty and you’re too full to move, you will have the self-esteem of a one-legged monkey that’s been sacked from the circus.

DO go to the pub with friends. Laugh and talk about friend stuff – not about him. Ultimately, they’ll be there for you when he’s not.

DON’T email all your family and friends telling them that you’ve found The One. Sod’s Second Law of Dating states that you will never hear from him again.

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So much for all the dos and don’ts… what you really want to know is, should you contact him? It is, if you’ll excuse the pun, your call. It all depends on signals he gave you on and after the date.

Did he give you a quick peck on the cheek, say “well, it was lovely to meet you” and disappear into the night? Not too promising. Wait this one out to see what he does. If he’s made no contact within 48 hours, I’m afraid it’s a write off, and you shouldn’t risk further rejection by contacting him.

However if he gave you his email address and texted you on the way home to say he had a great time, then go ahead and email him the next day. Wait until after lunch, and keep it brief and friendly, thanking him for such a lovely evening. That breaks the post-date ice and serves as an invitation for him to write back. If he’s interested, he’ll feel less shy about making the next move. Then you’ll be faced with the morning after the second date, and that’s a whole new ball game…

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