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Picture Perfect

Jane Hoskyn | Thursday 09 August 2007 | 09:50

In fact, there aren't enough words in all the world's languages to equal the pulling power of a good online snap - or the off-putting power of a bad one.That's outrageous, I hear you cry. Yes, it probably is. But it's also how humans work. Appearances are pivotal to attraction - whether you meet at a party or through a website.

But wait, I hear you cry again. A two-dimensional snap can only offer a hint about a person's real-life appearance. Again, you'd be correct. Quite apart from any flattering or unfattering angles going on, attraction has much to do with the way a person moves and even speaks, and it's very difficult to get a true picture of them from a, well, a picture.

However the fact remains that we are all - men and women - visual creatures when it comes to initial attraction. And with so many thousands of profiles on a decent online dating site, it's inevitable that photos will dictate our initial pick-or-junk decisions.

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Don't take my word for it - feel the statistics. Different studies have reported different numbers, but the concensus is that an online dating profile with a picture is between 10 and 20 times more likely to get a response than a similar profile without a picture. I reckon that's a conservative estimate - most daters I've spoken to won't even look at a profile without a photo. Top reasons? "Obviously ugly as hell" and "Must be married". By not including a photo, you're effectively saying: Danger, do not approach.

Of course, many people who don't include a photo are simply worried that friends or family (or, horrors, the ex) will see it. Ask yourself why you're embarrassed about using a dating site when, to see your photo, they'd have to be using a dating site as well. Anyone who seriously thinks that online dating is only for the sad or desperate needs to get a time machine and escape from 1995 as fast as they can.

If you're just camera shy or don't think that your looks are your strong point, posting a photo is a hurdle you're just going to have to jump. Minimise your discomfort and maximise your success by following these tips.

WHAT TO DO

Get a sympathetic friend or family member to take the snap. Someone who knows you well, makes you feel comfortable and, ideally, is handy with a camera. If you're lucky, they'll happily fill up their entire digital storage card with 200 snaps of you, then let you spend ages at their computer choosing the best. Without looking over your shoulder, pointing and laughing.

2. Beg, borrow or steal a webcam and do some secondary shots. You can do these ones on your own, and take as long as you like getting them right. Sit the webcam slightly to the left or right of your computer monitor, so that it gets your best side. Capture as many still shots as you like, trying different facial expressions and angles, and pick the best.

3. Avoid bright daylight. A photo that shows up every last one of your enlarged pores and that slightly sallow skin around your chin will not bring the next love of your life running, no matter how much you protest that you "want someone who loves the real you". Light the photo to flatter your skin and your features. Gentle natural light from a window at the other end of the room is better than harsh flash.

4. Look at the camera and smile. Eye contact and smiling are the twin peaks of flirtation, in photos as well as across a crowded room. If a potential date even vaguely likes the look of your face, the fact that they can stare into your happy eyes will soon have them offering you their last Rolo. Sullen and sheepish don't top most people's lists of most-wanted qualities. When I say smile, I mean smile, not grin like a lunatic. (For "lunatic", see "sullen" and "sheepish".)

5. Choose your favourite. By all means ask the opinions of friends and family, but don't choose one that they like and you don't. If a potential date compliments your profile photo and you reply "I hate that one, my Mum chose it," don't blame me if they never write back.

6. If you can post more than one pic, do it. All good dating sites allow you to upload several pictures, with one as your main profile photo. In most cases the main photo needs to be a clear, colour shot of your face. Secondary photos are an opportunity to reveal a bit more about yourself and your interests, such as travel, your pets or your teaspoon collection. But don't fill up all the space with pics that aren't of you - the more photos of yourself that you post, the more confident a potential date can be about how you really look... and the more likely they'll be to write to you.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Rules is rules. Don't try posting a main profile photo of you from the knees down because that's your best bit, or of Kate Moss. Even at the UK's biggest dating site DatingDirect.com, the customer support team carefully looks at every profile picture before allowing it online. Read the rules, and obey.

2. Don't go OTT with the flattering angles. If you look like Ann Widdecombe and you manage, somehow, to get a photo of you looking like Angelina Jolie, congratulations. But think about it. Do you want your date to be disappointed when they meet you? Seeing someone's face drop faster than a stabbed souffle is not the nicest feeling. Equally, although your profile photo doesn't have to be new, don't use anything that's more than about 18 months old, unless you genuinely haven't changed at all. You're setting yourself up for a dating disaster by using a pic that overly flatters reality.

3. Girls, don't overdo the slapper pout. Too much make-up, a thrusting cleavage and a sulk that'd shame Posh Spice just make you look like one of those naughty cards in red-light district phone boxes, or like the model on the cover of a magazine (Russian Wives Monthly). Men may be shallow creatures, but the ones you want to date aren't daft. The most successful women's profiles have photos that are pretty rather than unobtainably gorgeous or obnoxiously sexy, they stick to the look-and-smile rule, and they're not wearing too much make-up or showing any cleavage. Keep the cleavage for the second date...

4. Boys, put your pecs away. I'm constantly amazed by the number of men whose profile photos are all shirt-off, chest-out and, in some horrific cases, glistening slightly with that tell-tale slick of baby oil. Gents, please stop. I'm thinking of your happiness here. Women do not find the male stripper look alluring, they find it hilarious. They cut and paste the web address of your profile and send it to their friends, and not in a good way. They fancy George Clooney, not Stretch Armstrong. They're suckers for pics that show a sexy but shy smile, maybe a dimple in the cheek, nice skin and big come-to-bed eyes with long lashes. They want a man who looks like he'll massage their feet for three hours, not spend all day in the gym making his muscles as large as feasibly possible - which, as all women know, is compensation for smallness in other areas.

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