By Jane Hoskyn | Friday 11 April | 10:12
A picture tells a thousand words, but only if you look at it properly. There's an art to reading an online dating photo, just as there's an art to reading between the lines of someone's ad or email. You can minimise the risk of picking a wrong'un by learning how to "read" a picture. Here's a clue-by-clue guide.
Clue 1: Eye contact
The main photo that a person chooses to illustrate their profile reflects (consciously or not) the way they wants to be seen. More tellingly, it can reflect their attitude towards online dating. So good friendly eye contact with the camera means they’re relatively confident about themselves and about putting themselves out there.
If they’re looking away in their main photo, they may be shy about their looks or uncertain about dating. Neither of which should fill you with confidence.
Clue 2: Soft focus
You can’t judge what someone looks like from a fuzzy profile photo. They know this; that’s why they used it. Don’t be fooled.
Clue 3: Cheesy smile
A main photo that displays more teeth than a dentists’ tea party is the visual equivalent of “I’m mad, me.” This person is either very pleased with themselves, or they snort when they laugh. Look for someone with a relaxed, friendly smile. If they’re baring more than eight gnashers, be afraid.
Clue 4: Mean n’ moody
The pouty-faced poser takes themselves too seriously. They will never fancy you as much as they fancy the mirror in the bathroom, and you will never be cool enough for them. Send them a DVD of Zoolander.
Note: a mean n’ moody or cheesy-smile secondary photo is fine. It shows that this person can do different facial expressions. Speaking of secondary photos…
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Clue 5: No secondary photos
Most dating sites let their members post several back-up pics to show themselves in different contexts, or to illustrate things that are important to them, such as their dog or their travels in the Himalayas.
I’ll come back to these specific clues in a minute. Meanwhile, count ‘em. Are there no secondary photos at all? Either this person is a newbie and hasn’t got round to adding any yet, or their profile photo is so flattering that no other pic can match it.
Clue 6: Me me me me me
If someone’s entire album comprises shots of themselves in various poses, there is an egomaniac in your midst. Do not date them, because they will make you sit in front of a window and keep catching sight of themselves in it. It’s an irritation best avoided.
Clue 7: Location
Look for background clues in their profile photo and secondary snaps. With the profile photo in particular, its setting is a big clue to how that person wants the world (ie you) to see them. Some examples:
- The office
A shockingly popular setting for profile photos. The danger here is that the person is wholly consumed by their work identity. They should be applying to lick Alan Sugar’s shoes, not date you.
- The pub
“Look at me! I’ve got a social life!”
- The beach
Several possibilities. Either they’re proud of their buff bod (as it was when the photo was taken, anyway). Or they haven’t got any photos other than holiday snaps. Or they have a yacht. Let’s hope it’s possibility number three.
- The bed
The lounging-on-bed pose is often coupled with the mean-n’-moody expression. And this, as we already know, spells trouble. Here is a person who does not want emotional attachment. They want someone to tell them how hot they are between the sheets, and to leave before breakfast.
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Clue 8: Half-heads
It’s common for people to use photos in which they’ve posed with someone else – such as an ex. They (or the dating site) will try to cut the other person out, but you often see half-heads poking into frame.
Possibility one: they’re trying to show how popular they are. Possibility two: they’re still overly attached to the ex whose ear you can see. Possibility three: they can’t be bothered to get a solo photo taken.
Clue 9: Clothes
Clothes maketh the man or woman. Show no mercy if the person dresses very differently from you. You may fancy their face, but if their tastes are very different from your own, you won’t feel comfortable together.
Note: If they’ve got their cleavage or pecs out for their profile photo, they’re sexually frustrated.
Clue 10: Props
If they are leaning on a car in their photo, reject them immediately, unless you, too, are leaning on a car in your profile photo.
Also run far from people posing with cuddly toys and/or babies. The baby-poser thinks that they look sexy or wholesome; in fact, they’re just desperate for kids. Pursue them only if your biological clock keeps you awake at night.